The Thorn

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne,
And begged Him for one priceless gift which I could call my own.
I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart I cried,
"But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart;
This is a strange and hurtful gift which Thou has given me."

He said, "My child, I gift good gifts and gave my best to thee."
I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,
As long years passed, I learned at last to love it more and more.
I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,
He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.

Elisabeth Elliott

Treasured Memories

Some weeks are hard.  Last week was one of those.  After enjoying a family reunion over a long weekend where Wesley received none of his normal sensory therapies, it took my poor boy almost a week to recover.  He just ran in circles all day long, unable to stop and concentrate on an activity for even a few seconds.  He seemed frustrated most of each day, impulsively ripping his glasses off, banging his head into walls, and throwing himself on the ground head first.  By the time Friday came, I knew we needed to do something drastic.  So, we implemented sensory therapy bootcamp, cracking down on therapy time each day by going through Wesley's whole sensory routine every hour and a half rather than just several times a day.  We even added extra activities into his therapy routine.  By God's grace, it seems to have helped.  Wesley's concentration and ability to sit still is remarkably better, and he is back to signing and using words for what he wants rather than just impulsively harming himself and his glasses.

After such a rough week last week, it was a joy to be reminded by the Lord that just as some weeks are hard, some days are fantabulously wonderful.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I decided to take the boys to an outdoor living history museum which also included a carousel, pony rides, and a miniature train.  To understand how amazing yesterday was, it must first be explained that due to his vestibular and sensory issues, Wesley HATES to sit on moving things such as ride-on toys and carousel rides.  He feels off-balance and unstable and cries while fighting to get off of them as fast as possible.

As a result, I fully expected Zach to ride the carousel and ponies by himself yesterday while Wesley watched from his stroller.  In fact, I didn't even plan on trying to help Wesley ride anything because of how dreadful his responses have been in the past.  But God had another plan.  As we arrived at the pony ride, I impulsively asked if it would be alright if Wesley rode one if I stayed right next to him.  The workers of course said yes, and I put him on a pony. Much to my surprise, Wesley didn't fight.  He didn't squirm.  I didn't see terror in his eyes.  Instead, he sat very still and wide-eyed and held on to the saddle cautiously while I protectively held him on the pony.  Then we rode the horses on the carousel,.  Again, Wesley held onto the pole, one hand above the other, and sat very still through the entire ride as if he'd been riding on carousels his entire life.  He quietly and calmly looked around as we went around and around, just taking everything in.  I cannot even begin to express how amazed I was.

As I soaked in each moment, there was much rejoicing in my heart.  I experienced the joy of standing next to my son while he enjoyed a carousel ride and walking next to him while he rode his first pony.  There were many times yesterday where tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized what a gift God was giving me.

Then we moved on to the train.  Even after our successes, I was a bit anxious about holding my little wiggle worm in my lap for the entire train ride.  He has never sat still for more than half of a second before.  We climbed into the train and sat down, and Wesley immediately wrapped his cute little chubby arms around me and peacefully rested his head on my chest. He proceeded to sit just like this for the entire train ride! (Except when he turned his head as he looked around at the scenery in awe.)  In fact, he did so well that when Zach requested to ride the train again, I was happy to consent.  Those two train rides were such treasured moments for me, snuggling with my precious little boy and participating in delightful and uninterrupted conversations with my big boy.

When it was time to leave, my joy was overflowing as I thanked God for my boys and for the wonderful time He had given to us.

I will always treasure these memories in my heart.

Three

Boys, that is.

It looks like our house will be loud, rambunctious, and quite wild for the next eighteen years - and I will have my hands full.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are rejoicing today that God has chosen to bless us with another son, and we pray for him, just as we pray for his brothers, that he will grow up to trust in Jesus as his Savior and love the Lord his God with all of his heart.

The Greater Thing

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

We as parents want only the best for our children.  We pray and ask God to protect them from all harm, to keep them from sickness, to heal them from their illnesses, and to provide abundantly for all of their needs throughout their lives.  But what happens when children are born with a disability?  What happens when God chooses not to heal them?  How do we respond when God does not give us the prosperity we asked for?  What is our heart's response when God's mighty hand seems to weigh heavily on our lives rather than easing our suffering?

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

It is often easy for us to confuse God's gifts, giving Him greater glory for the gifts that we can see, rather than for His gifts to us that are eternal.  I recently read an article by John Knight about Jesus' healing of the paralytic man in Mark 2:1-12.  In this passage, this man's friends go to great measures to make sure this man is brought before Jesus.  Then, Jesus does the greatest thing ever - He forgives this man's sins.  This man now has a right standing before the perfect judge of his soul, and he has the assurance of increasing measures of joy in heaven with Jesus for all eternity.  Yet, instead of praising God, the crowd accuses Jesus.  In fact, they do not glorify God until AFTER Jesus heals the man's paralysis.

John Knight helpfully reminds us that while Jesus' healing of the paralytic was tremendous, it lasted only a short while.  This man has been dead for many years now.  Jesus' greatest gift to this man was the gift of forgiveness.  As I read this, I was left with the question, "What do I rejoice in?"  Do I wait to praise God until He has answered my prayers for lesser things, or do I glorify Him for His greatest gift of all - salvation for all who believe.

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe.

God may or may not ever heal my son.  Despite the fact that Wesley may never be given this "lesser thing", I can rest assured that God HAS loved Wesley, and all of us, so much that He has given us the greatest thing.  He has shown His love for us by sending His Son to be the perfect sacrifice and triumph over sin.  This means that our sins can be forgiven and we can spend eternity with Jesus.  Being with Jesus forever is far better than than being healed of an earthly disability for several decades.  It is far better than protection and prosperity and a lack of suffering in this life.

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home.

I am so very thankful that God has used the trials of this life to change my perspective - to give me a longing for heaven, where all things will be made right and where I will see my Savior face to face.  It is there that Jesus will wipe away every tear from my eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the things of this life will have passed away and all things will be made new.  Wesley will be made new.

Thank you Lord that this is not my home.  I am passing through this earth for only a short time on my way to a perfect eternity with Jesus.

May we always rejoice that just as with the paralytic, Jesus has given us the greater thing.

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

* lyrics are from "Blessings" by Laura Story

4th of July Weekend

Playing in the pool at Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa's house

Wesley loves Great-Grandpa's pond.  Later in the weekend he got too close and fell in.

Wesley's PT would be proud - Wesley launched the rocket over and over again all by himself.

Is there anything more fun for a four year old than squirting all the adults at the family reunion with a water gun?

Wesley enjoyed the parade this year.  Every time a car or truck or float would go by, he yelled "CAR!"

Wesley and Mommy

My family came up to visit for the weekend.  The boys loved seeing Grandma and Grandpa again.

Chasing bubbles before the fireworks

Look at all these bubbles!

Assistive Technology

Over the past year, I have thanked the Lord countless times for the equipment Early Intervention has given Wesley and the therapy tools his therapists have graciously loaned us. Where would we be today without his SPIO vest, orthotics, wrist and ankle weights, weighted vest, brushes, Rifton high chair, shopping cart with weighted groceries, exercise ball, wooden cube chair and table, and the countless other toys his therapists have loaned us?  God has used these things to work in a mighty way in our little boy's life.  We have seen so many changes in his behavior, attention span, and ability to communicate and interact with the world as this equipment has been introduced into his life.

You can only imagine my excitement when we finally received Wesley's assistive technology equipment last month.  He received a touch screen for our computer, touch screen software that is developmentally appropriate for him, Boardmaker Plus software (which I use to make communication picture cards for him), and a picture board on which to attach the picture cards.

Over the past six months, therapy has grown more and more difficult as he has expressed his dislike of certain activities by screaming, throwing himself on the floor, and hitting me.  We have been working on first/then concepts with him verbally, but he struggled to make the connection.  Since receiving the new software, it seems that part of our problem was that we have a visual learner on our hands.  The new picture cards have revolutionized therapy in our home.  I am now able to select a non-preferred activity to be followed by a preferred activity and explain to Wesley with picture cards what we will be doing.  He is so much more willing to cooperate with non-preferred activities when he knows that a preferred activity is coming next.  He even runs over and sits in his special therapy spot in front of the couch to wait for the activities as we get them ready.  He pulls the picture cards we present to him off of his chart and carefully examines them to see exactly what they are before putting them back and beginning his activities.

Since starting to use the picture cards, we have seen Wesley's number of preferred activities increase as he has willingly tried activities (such as stacking blocks and reading books) enough times to find that they actually are fun!  His attention span also seems to be increasing, as he is willing to participate in an activity for longer, knowing that when it is done he will get to do something he likes.

This has also helped us as we work on verbal communication with Wesley.  It seems that knowing his hard work will soon be over helps him to press through and try to to talk.  Our poor boy still has such a hard time with motor planning.  To say the "m" sound, he first presses his lips together.  Then he puts his hands over his mouth to feel his lips and make sure they are really closed.  Sometimes these steps occur several times before he is able to verbalize an "m". But since helping Wesley to understand the structure of therapy, his "m" has started to come sooner and he has also added the "g" sound to his vocabulary.  Last week for the first time, he started saying "go!"  Now, whenever we say "Ready, Set....", he yells out an enthusiastic "Go!" Sometimes his "go" sounds more like "do" or even "in", but he's trying and we are so very proud of him.

Helping Wesley to understand the structure of therapy and the other routines in his life has helped him tremendously, which has also given this tired mama the continued strength to persevere in our therapy routine and trust that God is working through it to help our precious boy.

Sorrowful Yet Rejoicing

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.  Psalm 138:7-8

Somehow today sneaked up on me like a burglar in the night, ready to steal my joy and leave sorrow in it's place.  In the past, I have actively prepared my heart for days like today and asked my friends to pray for me throughout the day.  Today was different.  The busyness of life overtook me, not allowing me even a moment to think about what was to come.  But despite my unpreparedness, God was faithful to walk beside me as I faced my day and fill me with His peace that surpassed all understanding.  Despite the difficulties of today, God gave me the grace to see that all those involved care deeply for me and my son and want the very best for him.  More importantly, God was kind to remind me of His steadfast love for Wesley and His perfect plan for Wesley's life.

Today was Wesley's annual IFSP meeting with Early Intervention.  As a mother, this is the day when I am faced with how vast my son's delays seem when they are written out on paper.  I cannot even begin to express how heart breaking it is to read evaluation after evaluation and see numbers like 50% delay alongside age equivalent calculations.  The areas in need of growth seem eternally long in comparison to the lists of accomplishments and successes.  And then it hits me again that this is my boy, my baby, my most precious child, who is being discussed and written about.

Oh how I long for the day when Wesley will meet His Savior face to face, and the evaluation of him in God's book will be - "Created in My image, saved by My Son, loved forever, given a new and perfect body with which to worship Me forever in fullness of joy".

As I wait for that day, I am grateful to be reminded of Philippians 4:8, which says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

So today I will fight to believe what is true and lovely.  God has blessed us with a wonderful son, and Wesley will meet all the milestones that God has ordained for him in God's perfect timing for his life.  God will fulfill His purpose for Wesley.  He will not forsake Wesley, the precious work of His hands.

Last Year's Photo Book - Finally!

Every year it gets harder and harder to find the time to make our annual photo album. This year only an offer for a free Shutterfly photo book if I finished by the end of June was enough of a push to help me finally complete last year's photo album! I can only imagine what a hopeless endeavor this year's photo book will be if I wait to start until next January.

Update: For those of you reading this post via RSS or email, you will need to click on my blog to view the photo book.

Big Brothers

All Must Mean All

"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful." Psalm 25:10

All does not mean "all - except the paths I am walking in now," or "nearly all - except this especially difficult and painful path."  All must mean all.

So, your path with its unexplained sorrow or turmoil, and mine with its sharp flints and briers - and both our paths, with their unexplained perplexity, their sheer mystery - they are His paths, on which He will show Himself loving and faithful. Nothing else; nothing less.

Amy Carmichael, You Are My Hiding Place, p. 98

McDonald's

Most parents would prefer that their children not eat at McDonald's (or any other fast food restaurant, for that matter).  I, on the other hand, cannot begin to tell you how OVERJOYED I was that Wesley actually ate lunch with us at McDonald's on Monday.  Due to a confluence of events, we left our house early that morning and didn't get home until nap time.  As I had not been expecting to do this, I did not plan ahead like I usually do and pack a lunch for Wesley that he would both be willing and able to eat.

As we pulled into the McDonald's parking lot for lunch, Zach and I took a minute to pray for God's mercy, that He would help Wesley to accept the food I offered him and not fight me with every bite.  Then we went in, with me thinking that if Wesley ate one or two bites of chicken nugget and one or two fries, I would count our lunch trip as a success.

Much to my surprise, Wesley INHALED his lunch!  The most amazing part of lunch was that Wesley accepted his food immediately when I offered it to him, whereas normally the first bite or two of something new is a huge fight.  And not only did he accept it, he WANTED it.  He dove for each bite of chicken nugget as I offered it to him, and he stuffed the fries into his mouth like they were candy (or in his case, goldfish, since he dislikes all things sweet).  I am sure Wesley would have eaten more, but I only offered him two chicken nuggets, as they took a lot of work for him to chew, and Zach and I were long done with our lunches by the time Wesley finished his.

As we left the restaurant, I walked out in amazement at God's provision for our family.  He could have let Wesley do his usual fighting, and he wouldn't have starved.  Wesley would have been hungry, but he would have been fine.  Instead, God chose to answer our prayers in a powerful and marvelous way.  He reminded me that nothing is too small to bring to His throne of grace.  He loves Wesley, and He cares for every tiny detail of Wesley's life.

Phoebe Has A Family!!!

 

Yes, it's true!  I have been crying tears of joy all morning.  Yesterday afternoon I went to the Reece's Rainbow website to look at Phoebe's sweet picture, and much to my surprise, I found a bio of the family who has committed to adopting her.

I cannot stop rejoicing in the Lord's kindness to Phoebe.  He has given her a family!

Just look at these lovely pictures of sweet Phoebe.  Soon this precious little girl will have a mommy and daddy to hold her and love her!  Please continue to pray for Phoebe and her new family, as they walk through the long process of adopting her.

It's Raining Again

After a very short season of no medical issues, it seems that possible issues which need to be checked out are adding up again.  Wesley visited a pediatric dentist a few weeks ago, where my concerns about his mouth were confirmed.  He inherited large teeth and a small mouth from his mother, and his case, his upper jaw is so small that there is no room for his remaining baby teeth to come in.  As kindly as he could, the dentist explained to me that the best case scenario would be for Wesley's cuspids to force their way down in whatever fashion they can manage.  If they are not able to make their way down in the next six months, we will need to have Wesley sedated so that X-rays can be taken to determine next steps.  From there, as long as his teeth are actually there, we are looking at oral surgery to pull his cuspids down so that his upper jaw continues to grow and make room (whatever room there will be) for his permanent teeth.  Right now, with everything else going on in our family, this news seems minor.  But we are well aware of how quickly it could turn into a big deal if these teeth do not come in on their own.  Please join us in praying that God would lay His hand on Wesley's mouth and guide these teeth down on their own without surgical intervention.

In addition to his teeth, we recently found out that there are also possible concerns with Wesley's heart.  During his EEG last month, Wesley's heart rate was dropping significantly during the night, to the point that it was setting off alarms.  Currently none of his doctors have any idea why this might be happening, so we are taking Wesley to see a pediatric cardiologist and praying that he would be able to quickly identify the issue.  Our hope is that this would not be a serious problem.  As well, we just learned that Wesley has a heart murmur. We know nothing more than this, but it leaves us wondering why we were not informed of this sooner and concerned that there might be more going on with Wesley's little heart that we are unaware of.

It is discouraging to realize that we may need to drag Wesley through more procedures and surgeries.  Our poor boy has been through so much already, and the thought of putting him through more tests makes my heart ache.

In the midst of all of this, though, we rejoice that Wesley's life is being upheld by the Lord.  As I read through Hebrews 1:1-4 today, I was again filled with awe that Jesus, Wesley's Savior and advocate before the throne of grace, is the same Jesus who created the world, is the very radiance and glory of God, and upholds the universe solely by the word of His power.  Jesus upholds all things - including Wesley's life - just by His powerful word.  What a comfort this is to me, as I am again freshly aware of how there is nothing that I can do to give my son life and health.  Instead of fearing what may be in store, I can rest in peace, for my trust is in Jesus, who loves Wesley so much that He gave His life for him.

Family Fun Outdoors

Last summer Wesley hated being outside.  He was just learning to walk and fell all the time on the uneven ground.  Then when he fell, he was unable stand back up unless he crawled to the nearest tree to assist him with pulling up.  Of course, with his luck, the nearest tree was always across the yard.  Needless to say, he was not very happy about how difficult it was to get around.

Zach insisted on riding in a baby swing so he could be next to Wesley

This summer, on the other hand, Wesley LOVES every moment he spends outside.  He amuses himself for hours coloring with sidewalk chalk, runs back and forth in our driveway squealing in delight while Zach rides his bicycle around our cul-de-sac, pulls out his stroller to request that we go for a walk, laughs boisterously as he splashes in the kiddie pool, and is thrilled every time we go to the park.  This spring has been delightful as we have watched Wesley explore outside and grow by leaps and bounds physically as he has tried new things, determined to master them.

Just last week we enjoyed a family trip to the park where Wesley showed off all his new skills to Daddy.  He can now climb the steps at the playground and then slide down small slides all by himself.  As well, he is learning to go up steps standing up and holding on to the rails instead of crawling.  His determination continues to amaze me.  He is willing to fall down again and again and still get up and try once more.

The park we visited also had a large hill, which Wesley surprised us by climbing to the top of.  I didn't think he would have the balance or the endurance to keep going - but he did it!

It is a joy to be able to go to parks this spring and enjoy our time as a family.  I have loved standing back and just watching our boys run around and play together.  We are looking forward to a wonderful summer outside as a family this year!

Daddy is watching the angry goose to make sure it doesn't attack his boys!

IEP

Today the future came crashing in on me at an alarming rate.  I was talking with Wesley's developmental therapist, and she confirmed with me that the day Wesley turns three, his services with Early Intervention will cease and he will immediately start attending school. He will also be eligible for summer school, which she highly recommended.  What a huge change is coming to our family in just ten short months.

But then, as I asked more questions, his therapist went on to explain in more detail the process we will go through to transition Wesley.  I almost fell over when she said that the initial paperwork for his first IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting will begin six months before he turns three.  This is just four months away!  It is unbelievable to me that in just four months, Mike and I will begin the process of making huge decisions as to what we are looking for the school district to provide for Wesley's education.  I never thought I would be discussing bussing options, school therapies, personal aides, and learning objectives for my two and a half year old.

Just the thought of sending my non-verbal child to school and allowing others to mold him and shape his world view brings me to tears.  Putting him on the bus in the morning and then not knowing what will happen to him fills me with fear.  Taking him off the bus and not being able to ask him how his day went, or what he learned, or if anyone was unkind to him - or worse, abusive toward him - terrifies me.

I often ask myself how it could possibly be that sending my sweet little boy to school would be God's best plan for his life.  Yet, I know that the school system can provide so much for him that we could never give him at home.  I have wept countless hours this past year as I have begged God for wisdom and pleaded for discernment.  I often fear that if we make the wrong decision regarding Wesley's education, we will bring long-lasting harm to him.

But really, this is just another opportunity for me to release my firm grip of Wesley's future and hand it to God.  The Lord is Wesley's protector, and the Lord is the one who upholds His life. How thankful I am that I can entrust my son to my faithful God, knowing that while I cannot be with Wesley every second of every day to protect him, his Heavenly Father will never leave him or forsake him - EVER!

I am comforted by the fact that as Mike and I pray through these huge decisions, we can trust God to guide our steps.  He has not left us to determine Wesley's future on our own. According to Isaiah 30:21, God says "And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."  I am so thankful that as we plan Wesley's future, it is the Lord who is directing our steps.  And we can trust Him, for we know Him to be a good and faithful and loving God who will work Wesley's schooling for his good and for our good.

He Will Never Fail Me

"My grace is sufficient for thee." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"God's grace is illustrated and magnified in the poverty and trials of believers. Saints bear up under every discouragement, believing that all things work together for their good, and that out of apparent evils a real blessing shall ultimately spring--that their God will either work a deliverance for them speedily or most assuredly support them in the trouble, as long as He is pleased to keep them in it....He who would glorify his God must set his account upon meeting with many trials. No man can be illustrious before the Lord unless his conflicts be many. If then, yours be a much-tried path, rejoice in it, because you will the better show forth the all-sufficient grace of God. As for His failing you, never dream of it--hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end." Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, March 4, morning.

Your Will Be Done

Soon after losing our daughter, we attended a Good Friday service where the preacher gave a message on Jesus' prayer to God in the garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus' words, asking God to let this cup pass from Him but then submitting to God's will and saying "not my will, but yours, be done", have been ringing in my ears ever since.  Jesus trusted his Heavenly Father, knowing that God was working His pain and suffering for Jesus' ultimate glory and for the eternal good of all those who would trust in Him.  So, despite the fact that the road ahead was one that Jesus did not want to follow, He willingly submitted to His Father's will.

Thy way, not mine, O Lord
However dark it be.
Lead me by Thine own hand;
Choose Thou the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough;
It will still be the best.
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

We are again walking through a season of unknowns, where the road ahead may be smooth, or it may be very rough.  It seems that the Lord may be preparing us to walk along a dark and winding path.  While we are not at all certain of what the future holds, I keep getting the impression that the Lord is telling me something in order to prepare my heart for what is to come.  In the midst of this, Jesus' prayer to His Father has been my example.  This past week I have again begun to pray that God's will be done.  We have made our requests known to the Lord, but truly, more than anything, we want His will, not ours, to be done.

I dare not choose my lot.
I would not if I might.
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I can walk aright.

After Wesley was born, I remember talking about the future and jokingly discussing ultimatums I would want to give God if He placed me in certain situations.  Well, here we are.  And now I am realizing that while God wants me to make my requests known to Him, I need to be making these requests with an open hand, ready to hand them to Him and instead take the lot that He has chosen for me.  For truly, as much as I hope and pray that God will not call us to walk along an even windier path than the one we currently walk, I would MUCH prefer for God to choose our lot, no matter what that may be.  For when I am following the path that He has chosen for me, then I am walking aright, and I am following the path that leads to His rest.  As Psalm 16:5-6, 10-11 says, "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance....  You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill
As best to Thee may seem
Choose Thou my good and ill

Not mine, not mine the choice
In all things great or small.
Be Thou my guide, my strength,
My wisdom and my all.

It is a relief to know that whatever good or ill may come to our family in the next day, week, month, year, or in the years to come, it is coming from our Heavenly Father, who chooses our lot, not just to see what will happen, or because He cold-heartedly wants to watch us as we stumble along.  No, our loving Father has chosen our path out of His great love for us. According to Psalm 103:8, 10-13, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love....  He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him."

Sidewalk Chalk

For a year now we have been working on helping Wesley to hold a crayon and make marks on paper - all to no avail.  He has no interest whatsoever in coloring!  We have tried changing the textures of the crayons by gluing velcro to them and changing the texture of the paper by putting patterns underneath it.  Nothing has helped with his lack of interest.  As soon as Wesley sees the crayons coming out, he starts swinging his arms, seeking to throw any crayon or piece of paper that dares to get near him.

Last week I decided to try a different approach.  While we were outside playing, I pulled out the sidewalk chalk, fully expecting Wesley to throw it or walk around licking it.  Instead, he carefully watched me draw pictures on the driveway and then started coloring himself.  This kid LOVES drawing with sidewalk chalk.  I don't know if it is the different texture of the chalk, or the fact that he can walk around and color with big strokes rather than using just his fine motor skills.  Whatever it is, I am thrilled!

When we go out into the garage now, Wesley runs over to the chalk and grabs it off the shelf to bring it out and play with it.  He squeals with delight as I open the lid.  Then he digs through the chalk to pick out his favorite color - yellow.  If he accidentally gets a blue or pink piece of chalk, he will quickly throw it back into the container and keep digging.

Then he walks around the driveway, examining the chalk and pausing every minute or so to draw a few lines wherever he happens to be standing.  (He also loves to draw on the car, but Mommy's working on curtailing that behavior!)  When he locates a picture that Zach or I have drawn, he quickly sits (or lies) down on top of it to add his own lines to the picture.  This of course results in a very chalky little boy.  By the time we come inside, he is usually covered from head to foot in yellow chalk.

Luckily for Wesley, his Mommy is so proud of him for drawing with chalk that she lets him roll around in it and crawl through it without groaning and is happy to clean him up.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a special treat for me this year.  I was brought to tears when Wesley's OT helped him make a gift for me as part of his therapy session last week.  She carefully worked with textures with him, using his fine motor skills as they crinkled tissue paper and glued it together to make a lovely flower.  (Wesley wasn't a big fan of the paper, but the glue - that was fascinating!)

On Friday, Zach came home from school with a gift he had made for me in class.  He was so proud of it that he couldn't stop beaming.  Then Saturday, Mike took Zach out to go shopping.  They hid their gifts and then presented me with some flowers.  Zach was very excited that he had picked them out himself.  He said that he liked them because they had so many beautiful colors.

But Sunday - that was the highlight!  While I was still in bed, Zach ran into my room with his gifts.  With a huge smile spread across his face, he proudly announced "Happy Mother's Day" and gave me a sweet kiss.  He gave me his gift from school - a framed picture of himself and a lovely homemade card.  Then he pulled out some chocolate, at which point he promptly asked if he could have some.  After this, he gave me a card.  Let me tell you, this card was his pride and joy.  It was a pirate ship card, and on the inside it mentioned the words "poop deck".  He couldn't stop laughing as he gave it to me, and he made sure that we all knew where the word "poop" could be found on the inside of the card.  More special to me was the fact that he had addressed it to me and signed his name all by himself.  He also gave me several coupons, redeemable for hugs, kisses, cuddles, and breakfast in bed.  On the coupons, he wrote "Happy Mother's Day".  I just loved reading his handwriting.  It was so special to receive things that he had personally written for me.

After church, Zach was thrilled to take me out to Red Robin for burgers.  We had a wonderful time, except that feeding Wesley at the restaurant was an epic failure.  Apparently we missed the memo that he was not interested or willing to eat any of the food they serve there.  And the food we brought for him was not up to par either.  Oh well.  Thankfully he was happy to play with his toy car for most of lunch while the rest of us ate.

Little did I know, but Mike still had one more surprise up his sleeve.  On Sunday afternoon he asked Wesley to repeat after him, and these are the beautiful words that I heard:  "apap muva day".  I wish I had made a video of it, since it was a one time show, but the memory of hearing those words delightfully spoken will always be a precious treasure to me.

When I look back on this Mother's Day, I am amazed that God has seen fit to bless me with two precious boys and a wonderful husband.

Wesley's Birthday Party

In the past I have failed miserably at photographing my children's birthday parties, so this year I asked a dear friend if she would be willing to pick up my camera and take a few pictures for me.  Instead, she used her own fancy camera and documented Wesley's party beautifully. (She and her husband are in the process of saving to adopt a child.  If you are ever looking for a baby gift, check out her etsy store.  All the proceeds go to their adoption fund.)

Wesley and his Daddy

I love this picture - I always think it looks like Wesley is smiling as he sees Jesus

Our dear friends and wonderful birthday party hosts gave Wesley a set of gears.

He didn't let this one go for most of the party.

Gazing at the glow of the candles

Amazed!

Zach does the honors

Family pictures

Happy Birthday Wesley!

Words...Again

It's been a long time since we've heard words from our sweet Wesley.  He used to talk all the time.  By January he had learned six words and proudly used them to communicate his wants and needs.  But then, for reasons we still are unsure of (fluid in his ears? seizures?), he stopped talking.  Completely.

Imagine our surprise and joy when two days ago I asked Wesley if he wanted to help me find Daddy and he jumped up and said "Dada".  And then, he said it again and again and again. Once he realized he could talk, he ran around upstairs saying "Dada" and smiling from ear to ear.  We cheered and cheered for him while he proudly stood in front of us and clapped for himself.  For the past two days now, every time we ask him to say Daddy, he excitedly says it.

Then yesterday Wesley decided to show off his running skills.  He insisted that Daddy run around the circle in the house with him - FOR 20 MINUTES!  That kid must have run at least a mile.  If Daddy stopped running for even a minute, Wesley would run up to him and push him while saying "wa wa" (run, run).  Fifteen minutes into their run, Daddy decided to run backwards. Wesley did NOT approve of this behavior, so Daddy told him that if he wanted Daddy to turn around, he needed to say "turn around".  So, what did Wesley say?  "Ta Awawa!"  To say that we were in shock would be an understatement.  Daddy decided to test him by running backwards again.  Again Wesley expressed his displeasure, Daddy told him to say "turn around", and Wesley said "ta awawa".  Then today at feeding therapy, Wesley's therapist played a turn around game with him, and Wesley said it again for her.

After Wesley's feeding therapy today, Wesley and I stopped by to visit his great-grandparents. As we walked up to their front door, I asked Wesley if he wanted to see Grandma and Grandpa.  With a sparkle of delight in his eye, he said "vama, vapa".  I was sure he was just babbling, so I said, "Can Wesley say Grandma?", to which he replied "vama"!  Then I asked him to say Grandpa, and he said "vapa".  Of course once he saw them he was too excited to show off his new words, but I was floored.

My little boy has started talking.  God has done a work in the mind and mouth of my son and given him the ability to speak!  Of course we still have a long way to go.  His words all sound very similar and are difficult to decipher, and most of the time he requires being verbally cued, but we are leaps and bounds farther along on the road to speaking than we were just three short days ago.

O for a thousand tongues to sing

My great Redeemer's praise,

The glories of my God and King,

The triumphs of His grace!

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,

Your loosened tongues employ;

Ye blind, behold your Savior come,

And leap, ye lame, for joy!