Who Are We Trying to Impress Anyway?

Zach loves to entertain his younger brother, often screeching obnoxious noises that startle and then annoy me almost instantly.  I often feel as if my instructions to him are on repeat:  "Zach, use words!"  I am constantly reminding him to encourage Wesley to imitate speech rather than whatever new and grating noise he can come up with.

But this week it finally dawned on me that while these noises truly are obnoxious, loud, and sometimes inappropriate, I am discouraging them for the wrong reasons.  I want to nip them in the bud because I am embarrassed by them.  When Zach makes these noises and then Wesley imitates them, it sounds as if I have two non-verbal children with disabilities.  My stomach knots up inside as soon as a new noise launches from Zach's mouth, as I fear not only that people will look down on Wesley because of these noises, but that they will do the same with Zach.  I worry that he will be mocked and jeered by his peers for his behavior.

You see, while Zach is loving his brother and finding ways to play with him and entertain him, I am too wrapped up in fearing what other people think to enjoy the games they play together.  So this week God is using my son to show me the sin in my own heart.  Instead of fearing the thoughts of others, I ought to be fearing God.  When I train my children, the ultimate outcome I ought to be seeking is that their behavior reflects a heart of obedience and love for their Savior.  My motives in discouraging certain behaviors should be because they are not pleasing to the Lord - not because they are obnoxious and might cause others to look at my children with disdain.  Instead of being concerned that a person might judge my son unfavorably because he is playing with his brother in a way that his brother enjoys instead of insisting that his brother be able to play at a level that he cannot, my heart ought to be concerned with whether or not my response is pleasing to the Lord.  Is my greatest desire in that moment that others are impressed with my parenting and the behavior of my boys or that God is glorified as my sons enthusiastically play together?

The least of my worries should be what other people think of my children.  Let's be honest, Wesley will be mocked many times in his life.  And as his brothers, Zach and Liam will be mocked as well.  As much as it saddens me, I am sure that there will even be times that they are downright embarrassed of their brother and wish they could pretend they don't know him. But right now Zach is oblivious of what other people think.  He truly couldn't care less what the opinions of others are regarding his behavior.  So, as long as this lasts, I ought to encourage his joyful playing with his brother and just smile when people stare at my strange entourage.

I pray that God will continue to bless Zach with a greater love for his brother than for the good opinions of others.  May his heart's desire be to please the Lord in his words (and noises) and actions. For while man looks on the outward appearance, the Lord looks on the heart.

And may this be a reminder to me, too, to seek to follow the example of my eldest son and fear not what others think. For, who am I trying to impress anyway?

Lord, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight!

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.  Proverbs 29:25