It's Raining Again

After a very short season of no medical issues, it seems that possible issues which need to be checked out are adding up again.  Wesley visited a pediatric dentist a few weeks ago, where my concerns about his mouth were confirmed.  He inherited large teeth and a small mouth from his mother, and his case, his upper jaw is so small that there is no room for his remaining baby teeth to come in.  As kindly as he could, the dentist explained to me that the best case scenario would be for Wesley's cuspids to force their way down in whatever fashion they can manage.  If they are not able to make their way down in the next six months, we will need to have Wesley sedated so that X-rays can be taken to determine next steps.  From there, as long as his teeth are actually there, we are looking at oral surgery to pull his cuspids down so that his upper jaw continues to grow and make room (whatever room there will be) for his permanent teeth.  Right now, with everything else going on in our family, this news seems minor.  But we are well aware of how quickly it could turn into a big deal if these teeth do not come in on their own.  Please join us in praying that God would lay His hand on Wesley's mouth and guide these teeth down on their own without surgical intervention.

In addition to his teeth, we recently found out that there are also possible concerns with Wesley's heart.  During his EEG last month, Wesley's heart rate was dropping significantly during the night, to the point that it was setting off alarms.  Currently none of his doctors have any idea why this might be happening, so we are taking Wesley to see a pediatric cardiologist and praying that he would be able to quickly identify the issue.  Our hope is that this would not be a serious problem.  As well, we just learned that Wesley has a heart murmur. We know nothing more than this, but it leaves us wondering why we were not informed of this sooner and concerned that there might be more going on with Wesley's little heart that we are unaware of.

It is discouraging to realize that we may need to drag Wesley through more procedures and surgeries.  Our poor boy has been through so much already, and the thought of putting him through more tests makes my heart ache.

In the midst of all of this, though, we rejoice that Wesley's life is being upheld by the Lord.  As I read through Hebrews 1:1-4 today, I was again filled with awe that Jesus, Wesley's Savior and advocate before the throne of grace, is the same Jesus who created the world, is the very radiance and glory of God, and upholds the universe solely by the word of His power.  Jesus upholds all things - including Wesley's life - just by His powerful word.  What a comfort this is to me, as I am again freshly aware of how there is nothing that I can do to give my son life and health.  Instead of fearing what may be in store, I can rest in peace, for my trust is in Jesus, who loves Wesley so much that He gave His life for him.

Family Fun Outdoors

Last summer Wesley hated being outside.  He was just learning to walk and fell all the time on the uneven ground.  Then when he fell, he was unable stand back up unless he crawled to the nearest tree to assist him with pulling up.  Of course, with his luck, the nearest tree was always across the yard.  Needless to say, he was not very happy about how difficult it was to get around.

Zach insisted on riding in a baby swing so he could be next to Wesley

This summer, on the other hand, Wesley LOVES every moment he spends outside.  He amuses himself for hours coloring with sidewalk chalk, runs back and forth in our driveway squealing in delight while Zach rides his bicycle around our cul-de-sac, pulls out his stroller to request that we go for a walk, laughs boisterously as he splashes in the kiddie pool, and is thrilled every time we go to the park.  This spring has been delightful as we have watched Wesley explore outside and grow by leaps and bounds physically as he has tried new things, determined to master them.

Just last week we enjoyed a family trip to the park where Wesley showed off all his new skills to Daddy.  He can now climb the steps at the playground and then slide down small slides all by himself.  As well, he is learning to go up steps standing up and holding on to the rails instead of crawling.  His determination continues to amaze me.  He is willing to fall down again and again and still get up and try once more.

The park we visited also had a large hill, which Wesley surprised us by climbing to the top of.  I didn't think he would have the balance or the endurance to keep going - but he did it!

It is a joy to be able to go to parks this spring and enjoy our time as a family.  I have loved standing back and just watching our boys run around and play together.  We are looking forward to a wonderful summer outside as a family this year!

Daddy is watching the angry goose to make sure it doesn't attack his boys!

IEP

Today the future came crashing in on me at an alarming rate.  I was talking with Wesley's developmental therapist, and she confirmed with me that the day Wesley turns three, his services with Early Intervention will cease and he will immediately start attending school. He will also be eligible for summer school, which she highly recommended.  What a huge change is coming to our family in just ten short months.

But then, as I asked more questions, his therapist went on to explain in more detail the process we will go through to transition Wesley.  I almost fell over when she said that the initial paperwork for his first IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting will begin six months before he turns three.  This is just four months away!  It is unbelievable to me that in just four months, Mike and I will begin the process of making huge decisions as to what we are looking for the school district to provide for Wesley's education.  I never thought I would be discussing bussing options, school therapies, personal aides, and learning objectives for my two and a half year old.

Just the thought of sending my non-verbal child to school and allowing others to mold him and shape his world view brings me to tears.  Putting him on the bus in the morning and then not knowing what will happen to him fills me with fear.  Taking him off the bus and not being able to ask him how his day went, or what he learned, or if anyone was unkind to him - or worse, abusive toward him - terrifies me.

I often ask myself how it could possibly be that sending my sweet little boy to school would be God's best plan for his life.  Yet, I know that the school system can provide so much for him that we could never give him at home.  I have wept countless hours this past year as I have begged God for wisdom and pleaded for discernment.  I often fear that if we make the wrong decision regarding Wesley's education, we will bring long-lasting harm to him.

But really, this is just another opportunity for me to release my firm grip of Wesley's future and hand it to God.  The Lord is Wesley's protector, and the Lord is the one who upholds His life. How thankful I am that I can entrust my son to my faithful God, knowing that while I cannot be with Wesley every second of every day to protect him, his Heavenly Father will never leave him or forsake him - EVER!

I am comforted by the fact that as Mike and I pray through these huge decisions, we can trust God to guide our steps.  He has not left us to determine Wesley's future on our own. According to Isaiah 30:21, God says "And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."  I am so thankful that as we plan Wesley's future, it is the Lord who is directing our steps.  And we can trust Him, for we know Him to be a good and faithful and loving God who will work Wesley's schooling for his good and for our good.

He Will Never Fail Me

"My grace is sufficient for thee." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"God's grace is illustrated and magnified in the poverty and trials of believers. Saints bear up under every discouragement, believing that all things work together for their good, and that out of apparent evils a real blessing shall ultimately spring--that their God will either work a deliverance for them speedily or most assuredly support them in the trouble, as long as He is pleased to keep them in it....He who would glorify his God must set his account upon meeting with many trials. No man can be illustrious before the Lord unless his conflicts be many. If then, yours be a much-tried path, rejoice in it, because you will the better show forth the all-sufficient grace of God. As for His failing you, never dream of it--hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end." Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, March 4, morning.

Your Will Be Done

Soon after losing our daughter, we attended a Good Friday service where the preacher gave a message on Jesus' prayer to God in the garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus' words, asking God to let this cup pass from Him but then submitting to God's will and saying "not my will, but yours, be done", have been ringing in my ears ever since.  Jesus trusted his Heavenly Father, knowing that God was working His pain and suffering for Jesus' ultimate glory and for the eternal good of all those who would trust in Him.  So, despite the fact that the road ahead was one that Jesus did not want to follow, He willingly submitted to His Father's will.

Thy way, not mine, O Lord
However dark it be.
Lead me by Thine own hand;
Choose Thou the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough;
It will still be the best.
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

We are again walking through a season of unknowns, where the road ahead may be smooth, or it may be very rough.  It seems that the Lord may be preparing us to walk along a dark and winding path.  While we are not at all certain of what the future holds, I keep getting the impression that the Lord is telling me something in order to prepare my heart for what is to come.  In the midst of this, Jesus' prayer to His Father has been my example.  This past week I have again begun to pray that God's will be done.  We have made our requests known to the Lord, but truly, more than anything, we want His will, not ours, to be done.

I dare not choose my lot.
I would not if I might.
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I can walk aright.

After Wesley was born, I remember talking about the future and jokingly discussing ultimatums I would want to give God if He placed me in certain situations.  Well, here we are.  And now I am realizing that while God wants me to make my requests known to Him, I need to be making these requests with an open hand, ready to hand them to Him and instead take the lot that He has chosen for me.  For truly, as much as I hope and pray that God will not call us to walk along an even windier path than the one we currently walk, I would MUCH prefer for God to choose our lot, no matter what that may be.  For when I am following the path that He has chosen for me, then I am walking aright, and I am following the path that leads to His rest.  As Psalm 16:5-6, 10-11 says, "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance....  You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill
As best to Thee may seem
Choose Thou my good and ill

Not mine, not mine the choice
In all things great or small.
Be Thou my guide, my strength,
My wisdom and my all.

It is a relief to know that whatever good or ill may come to our family in the next day, week, month, year, or in the years to come, it is coming from our Heavenly Father, who chooses our lot, not just to see what will happen, or because He cold-heartedly wants to watch us as we stumble along.  No, our loving Father has chosen our path out of His great love for us. According to Psalm 103:8, 10-13, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love....  He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him."

Sidewalk Chalk

For a year now we have been working on helping Wesley to hold a crayon and make marks on paper - all to no avail.  He has no interest whatsoever in coloring!  We have tried changing the textures of the crayons by gluing velcro to them and changing the texture of the paper by putting patterns underneath it.  Nothing has helped with his lack of interest.  As soon as Wesley sees the crayons coming out, he starts swinging his arms, seeking to throw any crayon or piece of paper that dares to get near him.

Last week I decided to try a different approach.  While we were outside playing, I pulled out the sidewalk chalk, fully expecting Wesley to throw it or walk around licking it.  Instead, he carefully watched me draw pictures on the driveway and then started coloring himself.  This kid LOVES drawing with sidewalk chalk.  I don't know if it is the different texture of the chalk, or the fact that he can walk around and color with big strokes rather than using just his fine motor skills.  Whatever it is, I am thrilled!

When we go out into the garage now, Wesley runs over to the chalk and grabs it off the shelf to bring it out and play with it.  He squeals with delight as I open the lid.  Then he digs through the chalk to pick out his favorite color - yellow.  If he accidentally gets a blue or pink piece of chalk, he will quickly throw it back into the container and keep digging.

Then he walks around the driveway, examining the chalk and pausing every minute or so to draw a few lines wherever he happens to be standing.  (He also loves to draw on the car, but Mommy's working on curtailing that behavior!)  When he locates a picture that Zach or I have drawn, he quickly sits (or lies) down on top of it to add his own lines to the picture.  This of course results in a very chalky little boy.  By the time we come inside, he is usually covered from head to foot in yellow chalk.

Luckily for Wesley, his Mommy is so proud of him for drawing with chalk that she lets him roll around in it and crawl through it without groaning and is happy to clean him up.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a special treat for me this year.  I was brought to tears when Wesley's OT helped him make a gift for me as part of his therapy session last week.  She carefully worked with textures with him, using his fine motor skills as they crinkled tissue paper and glued it together to make a lovely flower.  (Wesley wasn't a big fan of the paper, but the glue - that was fascinating!)

On Friday, Zach came home from school with a gift he had made for me in class.  He was so proud of it that he couldn't stop beaming.  Then Saturday, Mike took Zach out to go shopping.  They hid their gifts and then presented me with some flowers.  Zach was very excited that he had picked them out himself.  He said that he liked them because they had so many beautiful colors.

But Sunday - that was the highlight!  While I was still in bed, Zach ran into my room with his gifts.  With a huge smile spread across his face, he proudly announced "Happy Mother's Day" and gave me a sweet kiss.  He gave me his gift from school - a framed picture of himself and a lovely homemade card.  Then he pulled out some chocolate, at which point he promptly asked if he could have some.  After this, he gave me a card.  Let me tell you, this card was his pride and joy.  It was a pirate ship card, and on the inside it mentioned the words "poop deck".  He couldn't stop laughing as he gave it to me, and he made sure that we all knew where the word "poop" could be found on the inside of the card.  More special to me was the fact that he had addressed it to me and signed his name all by himself.  He also gave me several coupons, redeemable for hugs, kisses, cuddles, and breakfast in bed.  On the coupons, he wrote "Happy Mother's Day".  I just loved reading his handwriting.  It was so special to receive things that he had personally written for me.

After church, Zach was thrilled to take me out to Red Robin for burgers.  We had a wonderful time, except that feeding Wesley at the restaurant was an epic failure.  Apparently we missed the memo that he was not interested or willing to eat any of the food they serve there.  And the food we brought for him was not up to par either.  Oh well.  Thankfully he was happy to play with his toy car for most of lunch while the rest of us ate.

Little did I know, but Mike still had one more surprise up his sleeve.  On Sunday afternoon he asked Wesley to repeat after him, and these are the beautiful words that I heard:  "apap muva day".  I wish I had made a video of it, since it was a one time show, but the memory of hearing those words delightfully spoken will always be a precious treasure to me.

When I look back on this Mother's Day, I am amazed that God has seen fit to bless me with two precious boys and a wonderful husband.

Wesley's Birthday Party

In the past I have failed miserably at photographing my children's birthday parties, so this year I asked a dear friend if she would be willing to pick up my camera and take a few pictures for me.  Instead, she used her own fancy camera and documented Wesley's party beautifully. (She and her husband are in the process of saving to adopt a child.  If you are ever looking for a baby gift, check out her etsy store.  All the proceeds go to their adoption fund.)

Wesley and his Daddy

I love this picture - I always think it looks like Wesley is smiling as he sees Jesus

Our dear friends and wonderful birthday party hosts gave Wesley a set of gears.

He didn't let this one go for most of the party.

Gazing at the glow of the candles

Amazed!

Zach does the honors

Family pictures

Happy Birthday Wesley!

Words...Again

It's been a long time since we've heard words from our sweet Wesley.  He used to talk all the time.  By January he had learned six words and proudly used them to communicate his wants and needs.  But then, for reasons we still are unsure of (fluid in his ears? seizures?), he stopped talking.  Completely.

Imagine our surprise and joy when two days ago I asked Wesley if he wanted to help me find Daddy and he jumped up and said "Dada".  And then, he said it again and again and again. Once he realized he could talk, he ran around upstairs saying "Dada" and smiling from ear to ear.  We cheered and cheered for him while he proudly stood in front of us and clapped for himself.  For the past two days now, every time we ask him to say Daddy, he excitedly says it.

Then yesterday Wesley decided to show off his running skills.  He insisted that Daddy run around the circle in the house with him - FOR 20 MINUTES!  That kid must have run at least a mile.  If Daddy stopped running for even a minute, Wesley would run up to him and push him while saying "wa wa" (run, run).  Fifteen minutes into their run, Daddy decided to run backwards. Wesley did NOT approve of this behavior, so Daddy told him that if he wanted Daddy to turn around, he needed to say "turn around".  So, what did Wesley say?  "Ta Awawa!"  To say that we were in shock would be an understatement.  Daddy decided to test him by running backwards again.  Again Wesley expressed his displeasure, Daddy told him to say "turn around", and Wesley said "ta awawa".  Then today at feeding therapy, Wesley's therapist played a turn around game with him, and Wesley said it again for her.

After Wesley's feeding therapy today, Wesley and I stopped by to visit his great-grandparents. As we walked up to their front door, I asked Wesley if he wanted to see Grandma and Grandpa.  With a sparkle of delight in his eye, he said "vama, vapa".  I was sure he was just babbling, so I said, "Can Wesley say Grandma?", to which he replied "vama"!  Then I asked him to say Grandpa, and he said "vapa".  Of course once he saw them he was too excited to show off his new words, but I was floored.

My little boy has started talking.  God has done a work in the mind and mouth of my son and given him the ability to speak!  Of course we still have a long way to go.  His words all sound very similar and are difficult to decipher, and most of the time he requires being verbally cued, but we are leaps and bounds farther along on the road to speaking than we were just three short days ago.

O for a thousand tongues to sing

My great Redeemer's praise,

The glories of my God and King,

The triumphs of His grace!

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,

Your loosened tongues employ;

Ye blind, behold your Savior come,

And leap, ye lame, for joy!

My Little Trooper

Roaming the halls before the EEG

It won't be too bad, right Dad?

Fast asleep at noon after screaming for an entire hour while the leads were glued to his head

Playing and hanging out

Ready to eat!

Playing some more...

Free at last!

Welcome home my sweet Wesley!  Zach and I missed you while you were away.  Your antics and laughter have been delightful today.  It is quite apparent that you are loving your freedom.

Just the Two of Us

The last two days, while Mike and Wesley have been cooped up in a hospital room experiencing the joys of a 48 hour EEG, Zach and I have had a delightful time together.  I have loved spending every waking moment with my big boy.  It has been fun to be reminded of how funny and exuberant he is.  He can fill every moment of every day with conversation without hardly taking time to breathe.

We've started each morning with him climbing into my bed and having me read to him from his devotional book. It's amazing how much you can read and talk about when you're not pressed for time.  Then yesterday we went to the children's museum and then out for lunch.  I loved watching Zach run around and use his imagination.  It was such a joy to let him lead the way and not constantly have to tell him to stay with Mommy.  We had a blast building together with magnetic shapes and playing in the space shuttle.  He even persuaded me to come into the workshop and help him build a car out of wood and nails.  I'm not sure Mike will be very impressed with my construction, but at least Zach didn't notice its poor craftsmanship.  He was just thrilled to talk with me while we were working.

Zach has also grabbed hold of the opportunity to work through his "school books" the past few days.  He finished up his enormous Preschool workbook the other day so Mike went out and bought him a Kindergarten workbook to take it's place.  I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that he has completed at least fifty pages in his workbook in the past two days. He loves to learn, and anything that includes logic of some kind is right up his alley.  Yesterday he was hard at work completing subtraction problems, and today he surprised me with his rhyming skills.  He has so much fun talking through each page with me and learning each new concept.

As today comes to a close, I am looking forward to having Wesley home again tomorrow. But I will very much miss the extra time with my big boy.  As much as Wesley is an enormous blessing and a wonderful little brother, I am much more aware after today of how much of my time he requires.  Zach really does receive the the left over bits and pieces of my day after I have finished caring for his little brother.  I am praying that God will help me to find a way to restructure my days so that Zach and I can have more fun times together - just the two of us.

Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast Thou offended,
That man to judge Thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by Thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty?  Who brought this upon Thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone Thee.
'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied Thee!
I crucified Thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
For man's atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was Thine incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and Thy life's oblation;
Thy death of anguish and Thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay Thee,
I do adore Thee, and will ever pray Thee,
Think on Thy pity and Thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.

Directed Steps

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

The last few weeks have not gone according to plan.  At every turn, Mike and I have found new surprises and received bad medical reports.  In our hearts, we had planned out our lives and the lives of our children very differently than what it seems may come to pass.  But we cling to the promise that it is the Lord who is directing our steps.  As it says in Psalm 54:4, the Lord is our helper, and He is the upholder of our lives.  There is no place that we would rather be, and no place that we would rather our children be, than in the Lord's hands, upheld by the same God who created us and sent His Son to save us.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

As we walk through this season of things that truly are frightening, we are grateful for these words from the Lord reminding us that we have no need to fear our frightening circumstances, for the Lord our God is with us.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  He will not forsake our children.  He will be with us wherever we go.  Because of this, we can walk courageously forward and face the future that the Lord has ordained for us.

He Will Keep Us At Ease

"If we are haunted by God, nothing else can get in, no cares, no tribulation, no anxieties. We see now why Our Lord so emphasized the sin of worry. How can we dare be so utterly unbelieving when God is round about us? To be haunted by God is to have an effective barricade against all the onslaughts of the enemy.

'His soul shall dwell at ease.' In tribulation, misunderstanding, slander, in the midst of all these things, if our life is hid with Christ in God, He will keep us at ease. We rob ourselves of the marvelous revelation of this abiding companionship of God. “God is our Refuge” — nothing can come through that shelter."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, June 2 meditation

Happy Birthday Wesley

Dear Wesley,

It is hard for me to believe that you are already two years old.  It seems like just yesterday you were a baby, and now you are so big.  When I dress you in the clothes your big brother wore to the hospital to visit you when you were born, I am reminded of just how much you have grown up.  How can it be?  How can my baby be a big boy now?

Wesley, I can't even begin to tell you how God has used you to change my heart.  As I look back at the past two years, all I see is joy.  Despite all the tears I have cried, the struggles with feeding you, the fears as we faced your medical issues, and your multiple surgeries and other procedures, my view of these past two years is tinted with a rosy shade.  I remember the joys of watching each little thing you learned to do.  I think of all the times my heart has burst with pride as you have persevered to master something new.  When I picture your face, I always see you laughing back at me with delight.

God has used you, my dear son, to teach me what it truly means to trust God - to trust that He is good and that He does all things well.   In giving you to me, God has helped me to stop striving after what I might imagine a perfect life to be and instead trust His perfect plan for my life - and for yours.  In just two short years, God has already used you in marvelous and wonderful ways in your Mama's life.  I can only imagine the great plans that God has for the rest of your life.  I pray that you will touch the lives of countless people and that they will see Jesus through you.

The other day, as I looked at pictures of you from a year ago, I commented to your Daddy about how delightful you were back then.  That's what you have always been.  Delightful. Your tears are few and far between (when you're feeling well), your determination to learn new things is fierce, and your joy is abundant.  God has truly blessed you with an amazing countenance.  The first thing that anyone ever comments about you is your smile and your laughter.  Your laugh is contagious, and considering that you laugh all the time, laughter is a common sound in our home.

I can't wait to watch this next year unfold.  My heart fills with excitement as I think of the new things you will learn.  I anticipate your smiles and laughter as you learn new words and signs. And oh the joy that will be yours when you master the art of feeding yourself.  I can already see your face as you squeal with delight and wave your fork everywhere.  If only I could preemptively warn the walls of the food that will soon be coming their way.

I love you, my sweet Wesley, and I am honored that God has given me the joy and delight of being your Mama.

Love,
Mama

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things!...  Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!  Psalm 98:1, 4

Always Rejoicing

Wesley,

You are the toughest little guy I know.  This week, instead of enjoying a week of birthday celebrations, your Mommy and Daddy put you through torture day after day.  But instead of complaining, you accepted each new procedure with a smile.  On Tuesday, Mommy woke you up early to drive you into Chicago for an EEG and an appointment with a neurologist. You cheerfully sat in the back seat for over an hour on the drive in and enjoyed laughing with Mommy's friend who came along to keep us company.  When we arrived at the hospital, you marched up and down the halls, yelling at the top of your lungs so that you could enjoy the full effect of your echo.  You were happy to eat your breakfast in the stroller in intervals rather than all at one time in your comfy highchair.  And you loved greeting the other people in the waiting area, running right up to them with a huge smile and making yourself at home with them before Mommy could come and redirect you.

You cheerfully greeted the EEG technician - until she started attaching wires to your head.  You were MAD about that!  Thankfully another kind woman brought in an IPad with an "Itsy Bitsy Spider" app that you loved.  We watched it over and over again as the technician worked quickly to attach all the wires to your head and get your head wrapped.  Once she was finished, you were happy to cuddle with Mommy for the duration of the EEG and watch the bubbles and pictures that were projected on the wall for you.  I was amazed at how quickly you could forget your misery and make the best of the situation you were in.

After your EEG we waited for quite a while before meeting with the neurologist.  You were so patient as we waited.  I was proud of you for keeping a smile on your face instead of getting irritable.  Then when we met with the neurologist, you laughed as he checked you out rather than fighting him as you do most doctors.  Despite the bad news he gave to Mommy that you indeed did have a seizure and may have more, you were quite content to munch away on your veggie straws, unconcerned with what he was saying.  Sometimes your Mommy forgets, but you know that it is the Lord who sustains your life.

Then on Wednesday morning, Mommy and Daddy woke you up early for a second day in a row to bring you to the hospital for your surgery.  After having had nothing to eat or drink since eight o'clock the night before, you proceeded to wait for two and a half hours at the hospital before you were taken back for surgery.  During that time, you were unfazed.  You wandered through the halls in your cute little blue gown and orange footies and cheerfully greeted everyone you saw.  You were a light in a gloomy place, and you put a smile on everyone's faces.  You loved the hospital lights and the spinning doctor's chairs and spent long periods of time talking to them.  How you were able to entertain yourself so easily when your stomach must have been eating you alive is beyond me.  God has definitely given you an extra measure of grace my dear child.  Your patience and happiness despite discomfort far exceed my own.

When the anesthesiologist resident came to take you away, you willingly leaned into his arms and let him lift you up from Mommy.  While it was hard for us to let you go, we knew you were in good hands.  The surgical team and anesthesia team you were with are some of the best. And even more importantly, your heavenly Father who upholds your life was watching over you and guiding the surgeon's hands.

One short hour later, we were called back to meet you when you were brought out of surgery. I almost laughed as I watched four nurses surrounding you as they attempted to protect you from banging your head against the sides of your crib as you tried to sit up and stand up while you were still coming out of anesthesia.  You are always and forever my little wiggle worm, unable to sit still even for a moment.  I don't think they were expecting your determined efforts to escape.

Due to previous bad experiences with anesthesia, this team of doctors decided it would be best to keep you overnight.  So, after an hour or so of watching you in the post-op room, they transferred you to the PICU.  The moment we set foot on this floor, I felt out of place.  Here were rooms full of very sick little children, and we were coming up here for observation of a healthy child after a routine surgery.  It was a wonderful reminder to me of how much God has protected you, my dear Wesley, and blessed you with good health.

Around noon you were still clinging to Daddy and refusing any clear liquids.  We asked the nurse if we could please offer you your coconut milk and she hesitantly said yes.  Of course she was concerned that it might not sit well in your stomach, but at that point she was desperate to see you swallow something.  Anything.  She didn't realize what a stubborn little fellow you are.  Despite being starved, you refused the clear liquids on principle.  As soon as we put your coconut milk in your sippy cup, you chugged it down like there was no tomorrow.  Then you started getting antsy and wanted Daddy to put you down.  The nurse kindly unhooked your IV and your heart monitor, and you immediately made a run for it.  Out the door and down the hall you went, as fast as your little legs could carry you.  You found the Ronald McDonald play room on the ICU floor and ran in as if you owned the place.  What a joy it was to your Daddy and me to hear you laughing and squealing with delight as you discovered such fun things on that hospital floor.

While we were playing with you, the ICU nurse started requesting that the surgeon begin the discharge process.  He wanted to wait several hours and then observe you again, but the nurse was insistent.  Of course, she's the one who saw you running around as if nothing had happened that morning.  Then Daddy came to get you from the play room with a big smile on his face.  He said you could be discharged as soon as you ate something and had a wet diaper.  Daddy had found food in your room that the nurse had kindly ordered for you - a hamburger, french fries, strawberries, canned pear halves, and apple juice.  I still laugh just thinking of handing you a tray with these foods on it.  Just to be clear, we did offer you a bite of the hamburger, which you adamantly refused.  We also handed you one of the french fries - you promptly threw it on the floor.  I mean, who eats french fries when there is yummy rice cereal and pear baby food near by, right?

After gobbling up your food, you were ready to go again.  As I watched you, I was again amazed at how quickly you could forget all of the pain and suffering you had just been through and just enjoy the moment that God was giving you.  Despite the discomfort you must have been in, you chose to ignore it and instead delight in the amazing colors, lights, pictures and toys at the hospital.

You are such an example to your Mommy and Daddy of rejoicing despite suffering.  You are thankful for every little thing that God gives you, and you live your life to the fullest, not missing a second of the life God has given you.

The Lord has been so kind to uphold your life these past two years and to provide for your every need, both great and small.  Today, on your birthday, we rejoice that God has given you to us as a precious gift and thank Him for continuing to sustain your life and shower you with His loving care.

Wesley, we love you more than words can say!

Love,
Mama