Fear

Fear is a powerful thing.  If I allow it any room in my mind, it will quickly consume me.  This weekend I was again reminded of how important it is to gear up for battle and fight my fears with the truth from God's word.

On Friday when I picked Zach up from school, he said he was exhausted and he had a low grade fever.  By Saturday morning, his fever was very high, he was achy all over, and he couldn't keep his eyes open.  We took him in to an after hours care facility, where he was diagnosed with the flu.  For two nights we were up all night, giving him medicine every three hours, taking his temperature, holding and comforting him, and praying for God to give him a quick recovery.

During that time, I was amazed at how quickly my mind turned to fearing the worst case scenario.  I felt paralyzed by the irrational fears that Zach would keep getting worse until he died.  Then my mind would move on to fears that Zach might survive, but Wesley would surely get the flu too and it would be too much for his little body to handle.  I would try to pray, but Zach and Wesley's impending doom felt much more real than the promises of God.

Yesterday my husband kindly told me that he would be happy to stay home with Zach so I could go to church.  During the service, someone read from Isaiah 43:1-3, which says:

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'"

As these verses were read, it was as if the Lord was whispering to me, "Fear not, Elisabeth.  You are mine.  Even as you are walking through the waters of having a sick child, I am with you.  The future is unknown to you, but no matter what happens, it shall not overwhelm you, for I am with you.  I, your Savior, have redeemed you and provided for your greatest need by saving you from your sin.  Now you can trust that I will walk with you through this and protect you so that the flame does not consume you."

Then at the end of his sermon, our pastor reminded us that lots of things are uncertain, which tempts us to fear and worry.  But Jesus is still bigger than all of these uncertainties.  He has done something certain for us.  He has taken away all of our sins.  When we walk through trials, often all that we pray for is the removal of the trial.  But there is a reality much greater - the removal of the wrath of God.  Because of Jesus, God's wrath has passed over me.

This was such an eye opener for me.  I am walking through much greater trials right now than just the sickness of one of my children.  Because I know that these trials will not be removed from my life, I do not pray and beg the Lord to remove them. Instead, I pray regularly for the Lord to use them to conform me to His image and to bring Himself much glory through them.  I pray that God will help me to trust Him completely and to believe His promises that He is sovereign over all of my circumstances, that He is good, and that His plan for my life and for Wesley's life is perfect.  But then when I face a small trial, instead of praying for the Lord to help me to trust Him and believe that He loves my children even more than I do, I am overwhelmed by fear.  I beg the Lord to remove the trial, but I am not asking in faith.  My request is motivated solely by an all-encompassing fear.

So today I am gearing up for battle.  My circumstances have not changed.  Zach is still a very sick little boy, and it is unlikely that Wesley will make it through unscathed.  But today I will take hold of the truths from God's word and wield them in the fight against fear.  I will ask God to help me believe His promises.  And, as Charles Spurgeon said when addressing suffering, "I will kiss the wave that strikes me against the Rock of Ages."

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."  Psalm 121:1-8