Treasured Memories

Some weeks are hard.  Last week was one of those.  After enjoying a family reunion over a long weekend where Wesley received none of his normal sensory therapies, it took my poor boy almost a week to recover.  He just ran in circles all day long, unable to stop and concentrate on an activity for even a few seconds.  He seemed frustrated most of each day, impulsively ripping his glasses off, banging his head into walls, and throwing himself on the ground head first.  By the time Friday came, I knew we needed to do something drastic.  So, we implemented sensory therapy bootcamp, cracking down on therapy time each day by going through Wesley's whole sensory routine every hour and a half rather than just several times a day.  We even added extra activities into his therapy routine.  By God's grace, it seems to have helped.  Wesley's concentration and ability to sit still is remarkably better, and he is back to signing and using words for what he wants rather than just impulsively harming himself and his glasses.

After such a rough week last week, it was a joy to be reminded by the Lord that just as some weeks are hard, some days are fantabulously wonderful.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I decided to take the boys to an outdoor living history museum which also included a carousel, pony rides, and a miniature train.  To understand how amazing yesterday was, it must first be explained that due to his vestibular and sensory issues, Wesley HATES to sit on moving things such as ride-on toys and carousel rides.  He feels off-balance and unstable and cries while fighting to get off of them as fast as possible.

As a result, I fully expected Zach to ride the carousel and ponies by himself yesterday while Wesley watched from his stroller.  In fact, I didn't even plan on trying to help Wesley ride anything because of how dreadful his responses have been in the past.  But God had another plan.  As we arrived at the pony ride, I impulsively asked if it would be alright if Wesley rode one if I stayed right next to him.  The workers of course said yes, and I put him on a pony. Much to my surprise, Wesley didn't fight.  He didn't squirm.  I didn't see terror in his eyes.  Instead, he sat very still and wide-eyed and held on to the saddle cautiously while I protectively held him on the pony.  Then we rode the horses on the carousel,.  Again, Wesley held onto the pole, one hand above the other, and sat very still through the entire ride as if he'd been riding on carousels his entire life.  He quietly and calmly looked around as we went around and around, just taking everything in.  I cannot even begin to express how amazed I was.

As I soaked in each moment, there was much rejoicing in my heart.  I experienced the joy of standing next to my son while he enjoyed a carousel ride and walking next to him while he rode his first pony.  There were many times yesterday where tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized what a gift God was giving me.

Then we moved on to the train.  Even after our successes, I was a bit anxious about holding my little wiggle worm in my lap for the entire train ride.  He has never sat still for more than half of a second before.  We climbed into the train and sat down, and Wesley immediately wrapped his cute little chubby arms around me and peacefully rested his head on my chest. He proceeded to sit just like this for the entire train ride! (Except when he turned his head as he looked around at the scenery in awe.)  In fact, he did so well that when Zach requested to ride the train again, I was happy to consent.  Those two train rides were such treasured moments for me, snuggling with my precious little boy and participating in delightful and uninterrupted conversations with my big boy.

When it was time to leave, my joy was overflowing as I thanked God for my boys and for the wonderful time He had given to us.

I will always treasure these memories in my heart.

Three

Boys, that is.

It looks like our house will be loud, rambunctious, and quite wild for the next eighteen years - and I will have my hands full.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are rejoicing today that God has chosen to bless us with another son, and we pray for him, just as we pray for his brothers, that he will grow up to trust in Jesus as his Savior and love the Lord his God with all of his heart.

The Greater Thing

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

We as parents want only the best for our children.  We pray and ask God to protect them from all harm, to keep them from sickness, to heal them from their illnesses, and to provide abundantly for all of their needs throughout their lives.  But what happens when children are born with a disability?  What happens when God chooses not to heal them?  How do we respond when God does not give us the prosperity we asked for?  What is our heart's response when God's mighty hand seems to weigh heavily on our lives rather than easing our suffering?

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

It is often easy for us to confuse God's gifts, giving Him greater glory for the gifts that we can see, rather than for His gifts to us that are eternal.  I recently read an article by John Knight about Jesus' healing of the paralytic man in Mark 2:1-12.  In this passage, this man's friends go to great measures to make sure this man is brought before Jesus.  Then, Jesus does the greatest thing ever - He forgives this man's sins.  This man now has a right standing before the perfect judge of his soul, and he has the assurance of increasing measures of joy in heaven with Jesus for all eternity.  Yet, instead of praising God, the crowd accuses Jesus.  In fact, they do not glorify God until AFTER Jesus heals the man's paralysis.

John Knight helpfully reminds us that while Jesus' healing of the paralytic was tremendous, it lasted only a short while.  This man has been dead for many years now.  Jesus' greatest gift to this man was the gift of forgiveness.  As I read this, I was left with the question, "What do I rejoice in?"  Do I wait to praise God until He has answered my prayers for lesser things, or do I glorify Him for His greatest gift of all - salvation for all who believe.

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe.

God may or may not ever heal my son.  Despite the fact that Wesley may never be given this "lesser thing", I can rest assured that God HAS loved Wesley, and all of us, so much that He has given us the greatest thing.  He has shown His love for us by sending His Son to be the perfect sacrifice and triumph over sin.  This means that our sins can be forgiven and we can spend eternity with Jesus.  Being with Jesus forever is far better than than being healed of an earthly disability for several decades.  It is far better than protection and prosperity and a lack of suffering in this life.

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home.

I am so very thankful that God has used the trials of this life to change my perspective - to give me a longing for heaven, where all things will be made right and where I will see my Savior face to face.  It is there that Jesus will wipe away every tear from my eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the things of this life will have passed away and all things will be made new.  Wesley will be made new.

Thank you Lord that this is not my home.  I am passing through this earth for only a short time on my way to a perfect eternity with Jesus.

May we always rejoice that just as with the paralytic, Jesus has given us the greater thing.

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

* lyrics are from "Blessings" by Laura Story

4th of July Weekend

Playing in the pool at Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa's house

Wesley loves Great-Grandpa's pond.  Later in the weekend he got too close and fell in.

Wesley's PT would be proud - Wesley launched the rocket over and over again all by himself.

Is there anything more fun for a four year old than squirting all the adults at the family reunion with a water gun?

Wesley enjoyed the parade this year.  Every time a car or truck or float would go by, he yelled "CAR!"

Wesley and Mommy

My family came up to visit for the weekend.  The boys loved seeing Grandma and Grandpa again.

Chasing bubbles before the fireworks

Look at all these bubbles!

Assistive Technology

Over the past year, I have thanked the Lord countless times for the equipment Early Intervention has given Wesley and the therapy tools his therapists have graciously loaned us. Where would we be today without his SPIO vest, orthotics, wrist and ankle weights, weighted vest, brushes, Rifton high chair, shopping cart with weighted groceries, exercise ball, wooden cube chair and table, and the countless other toys his therapists have loaned us?  God has used these things to work in a mighty way in our little boy's life.  We have seen so many changes in his behavior, attention span, and ability to communicate and interact with the world as this equipment has been introduced into his life.

You can only imagine my excitement when we finally received Wesley's assistive technology equipment last month.  He received a touch screen for our computer, touch screen software that is developmentally appropriate for him, Boardmaker Plus software (which I use to make communication picture cards for him), and a picture board on which to attach the picture cards.

Over the past six months, therapy has grown more and more difficult as he has expressed his dislike of certain activities by screaming, throwing himself on the floor, and hitting me.  We have been working on first/then concepts with him verbally, but he struggled to make the connection.  Since receiving the new software, it seems that part of our problem was that we have a visual learner on our hands.  The new picture cards have revolutionized therapy in our home.  I am now able to select a non-preferred activity to be followed by a preferred activity and explain to Wesley with picture cards what we will be doing.  He is so much more willing to cooperate with non-preferred activities when he knows that a preferred activity is coming next.  He even runs over and sits in his special therapy spot in front of the couch to wait for the activities as we get them ready.  He pulls the picture cards we present to him off of his chart and carefully examines them to see exactly what they are before putting them back and beginning his activities.

Since starting to use the picture cards, we have seen Wesley's number of preferred activities increase as he has willingly tried activities (such as stacking blocks and reading books) enough times to find that they actually are fun!  His attention span also seems to be increasing, as he is willing to participate in an activity for longer, knowing that when it is done he will get to do something he likes.

This has also helped us as we work on verbal communication with Wesley.  It seems that knowing his hard work will soon be over helps him to press through and try to to talk.  Our poor boy still has such a hard time with motor planning.  To say the "m" sound, he first presses his lips together.  Then he puts his hands over his mouth to feel his lips and make sure they are really closed.  Sometimes these steps occur several times before he is able to verbalize an "m". But since helping Wesley to understand the structure of therapy, his "m" has started to come sooner and he has also added the "g" sound to his vocabulary.  Last week for the first time, he started saying "go!"  Now, whenever we say "Ready, Set....", he yells out an enthusiastic "Go!" Sometimes his "go" sounds more like "do" or even "in", but he's trying and we are so very proud of him.

Helping Wesley to understand the structure of therapy and the other routines in his life has helped him tremendously, which has also given this tired mama the continued strength to persevere in our therapy routine and trust that God is working through it to help our precious boy.

Sorrowful Yet Rejoicing

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.  Psalm 138:7-8

Somehow today sneaked up on me like a burglar in the night, ready to steal my joy and leave sorrow in it's place.  In the past, I have actively prepared my heart for days like today and asked my friends to pray for me throughout the day.  Today was different.  The busyness of life overtook me, not allowing me even a moment to think about what was to come.  But despite my unpreparedness, God was faithful to walk beside me as I faced my day and fill me with His peace that surpassed all understanding.  Despite the difficulties of today, God gave me the grace to see that all those involved care deeply for me and my son and want the very best for him.  More importantly, God was kind to remind me of His steadfast love for Wesley and His perfect plan for Wesley's life.

Today was Wesley's annual IFSP meeting with Early Intervention.  As a mother, this is the day when I am faced with how vast my son's delays seem when they are written out on paper.  I cannot even begin to express how heart breaking it is to read evaluation after evaluation and see numbers like 50% delay alongside age equivalent calculations.  The areas in need of growth seem eternally long in comparison to the lists of accomplishments and successes.  And then it hits me again that this is my boy, my baby, my most precious child, who is being discussed and written about.

Oh how I long for the day when Wesley will meet His Savior face to face, and the evaluation of him in God's book will be - "Created in My image, saved by My Son, loved forever, given a new and perfect body with which to worship Me forever in fullness of joy".

As I wait for that day, I am grateful to be reminded of Philippians 4:8, which says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

So today I will fight to believe what is true and lovely.  God has blessed us with a wonderful son, and Wesley will meet all the milestones that God has ordained for him in God's perfect timing for his life.  God will fulfill His purpose for Wesley.  He will not forsake Wesley, the precious work of His hands.

Last Year's Photo Book - Finally!

Every year it gets harder and harder to find the time to make our annual photo album. This year only an offer for a free Shutterfly photo book if I finished by the end of June was enough of a push to help me finally complete last year's photo album! I can only imagine what a hopeless endeavor this year's photo book will be if I wait to start until next January.

Update: For those of you reading this post via RSS or email, you will need to click on my blog to view the photo book.