While the Cat Is Away...

What do we do while the big brothers are away at school?  Why, we play of course!

We pretend I can stand up.

We give each other big smiles.

We work on sitting up.

We have lots and lots of tummy time.

Mommy takes tons of pictures.

Mommy tells me she's blessed to have such special time with me each morning.

Wesley's Announcement

 

Wesley is pleased to announce that, according to random.org, the winner of the book Just the Way I Am:  God's Good Design in Disability is Becky!  He hopes that the Lord uses this book to bless your family just as it has ours.

Becky, please email me your info so I can send it to you.

Book Giveaway!

About a year after Wesley was born, Mike brought home a newly printed and beautiful gift for our family.  The words on the front cover drew me in, and I didn't set the book down until my teary eyes had read every single heart-gripping and soul-lifting word.  As I closed the book, I thanked God for Krista Horning and for the work that He has done in her heart that she could write a book so filled with the truth that has brought her comfort and hope throughout her life.

I have read her book Just the Way I Am:  God's Good Design in Disability countless times since then, and each time I am reminded of God's promises that He loves Wesley, has sovereignly ordained all of his days, has a perfect plan for his life, and has given His own Son to save Wesley that one day Wesley might enjoy him forever in heaven.

I love this book so very much that I would love to share a copy of this book with one of my readers.  To participate in this giveaway, simply leave a comment on this post telling me why you would like a copy.  (Everyone is welcome to participate - not just those with close ties to disability.)  I will select a winner on Tuesday.

Here is an endorsement for the book from John Piper, Krista Horning's pastor:

For the people in this book, the sovereignty and goodness of God have become a sanctuary for the soul in a life they did not expect to live. When they affirm the goodness and wisdom of God in creating them for short-term disability and eternal super-ability, they do not do so without tears. There is no glib trifling with pain. They are learning the paradox of ‘sorrowful yet always rejoicing.’ They are learning how to be brought low and how to abound.

They believe that in this fallen age, God’s loved ones groan along with the whole creation, waiting for the fullness of adoption, the redemption of their bodies. They find more hope in God’s unsearchable wisdom and power and purpose than in the vagaries of natural processes or the assaults of Satan. They believe that God did not spare his own Son but gave him up for their complete renewal – spiritually and physically. This healing is as sure as Jesus is precious – infinitely precious. It is only a matter of time, a vapor’s breath, and they will be whole. Because of the grace of God, these lives and this book exist for the glory of God.

And for those of you who don't win, I highly recommend purchasing a copy of this wonderful book.  You won't be disappointed!

The Big Day

It is official.  Wesley is a big boy now.  On Monday, fighting back tears, I helped Wesley step onto his bus for the first time and buckled him up.  Those tears that were so close to the surface were impossible to fight back when Wesley looked deep into my eyes, realized that I was leaving him, and started crying out in distress.  I kissed him, told him that I loved him, and then turned away from him with tears running down my cheeks as I stepped back off of the bus.  The kind bus driver reassured me that the first day is always the hardest, and that she was sure Wesley would do just fine.  Then she pulled away.

Fifteen minutes later, Wesley's teacher called me to say that he stopped crying after the bus drove away and was happy when he arrived at school.  After his teacher helped him walk off the bus, he wore his backpack and walked all the way to his class on his own.  When he arrived, after taking off his jacket and putting his snack away, he sat down at the table to build with legos and do a puzzle all by himself.


According to his teacher, Wesley really enjoyed circle time and especially loved the music.

He enjoyed following along using the class schedule.

When they broke out into work sessions, Wesley's teacher informed me that he surprised her with how much he really does know.  Wesley matched pictures of animals in a field of six, matched paper colored apples in a field of six, and understood and followed instructions when she asked him to hand her pictures of animals in a field of three.  Way to go Wesley!!!

When I stepped onto the bus after school to get Wesley, I was greeted with a big smile.  He happily stepped off of the bus with me and came inside.  No sooner had we walked in the front door than he started pulling on his sweatshirt, looked me in the eye, and said "off"!  Oh what a proud mama I was.  I took that sweatshirt off just as fast as I could while praising my boy for telling me what he wanted!  He then sat in my lap, hugging me and sucking his thumb for about five minutes before jumping up and running off to play.

All in all, Wesley's teacher says that he is adjusting spectacularly well to school, and that he loves being there. She continues to be surprised at how much he knows and understands. And best of all, he now looks forward to seeing the bus pull up each morning in anticipation of another fun day at school.

I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed my dear Wesley with such a wonderful experience at school!  I couldn't have asked for more.

Matching Memories

When Zach was born, a dear friend gave me the cutest little outfit for him.  Little did I know at the time that I would have the opportunity to dress two more little boys in green and blue snowflakes.  Oh how I love all three of my little marshmallow snowmen.

Liam - 4 months

Wesley - 5 months

Zach - 3 months

Three Years

Dear Wesley,

Today is a special day...your third birthday.  Today we celebrate you and the gift that you are to us.  Your Daddy and I are so proud of you, and now that you are all tucked into bed, we sit here looking at pictures of you and talking about all of those little things that make you the you we love so much.

This morning your big brother Zach sat down with you to teach that you are three years old now.  It was so precious to watch you concentrate intensely as he showed you how to hold up three fingers and then try your very best to imitate him.  You loved putting three candles into your playdoh cake, counting them with me, and then clapping as we sang Happy Birthday to you.

Several hours later, you moved me to tears when, for the first time, you blew out the candles on your cupcakes.  Just this past Thursday you learned how to blow bubbles, but I knew that to blow out a candle, you would have to generalize this skill.  Two days was a very short amount of time in which to do this.

We lit the candles, sang Happy Birthday to you, and then encouraged you to blow them out. The cheering that erupted in the room when you blew out that first candle is a moment I will always treasure in my heart.  As one of my friends said, "to see him blow out his 'three' candle just gave me so much joy!  I feel like I witnessed something really cool!"  And she did.  We all witnessed something really cool.  You did it, and we are so very proud of you.

Then, while everyone else ate their cupcakes, you kept blowing on yours, despite the fact that the candle had been removed.  You had so much fun with it that your Daddy and I decided to light a candle in a cupcake again this evening.  After singing Happy Birthday to you again, we re-lit that candle for you to blow out so many times that we burned through the entire wick.  You were so cute as you became excited each time as if you had never blown out a candle before.  That candle was definitely the highlight of your special day.

Another very special part of your birthday was watching you with your presents.  Even this last Christmas you were very uninterested in presents or the toys in them.  But as we anticipated today, your Daddy and I came up with multiple toys that we thought you would like and enjoy playing with.  You didn't much care for opening your presents, but later when we got you up from your nap, we had all of your new toys set up in the living room.  You were thrilled. You ran straight in to them and started playing with them right away.  Just seeing how much you have grown in learning how to play with toys in an age appropriate manner and even choosing to do so of your own accord touched my heart.

I know that today is your day, but today has also been a very special day for me.  As I have watched you today and have seen how much you enjoyed your day, my heart has filled to overflowing with joy and thankfulness to God.  He is doing a wonderful work in you, my sweet boy.

I love you so very much, my precious son, and I thank God for every moment of the past three years.  You are a wonderful gift from God to our family.

Happy third birthday, Wesley!

Love,
Mama

T-11 and Counting

In eleven short days, the world as Wesley knows it will quickly and suddenly change.  He will no longer see the six wonderful ladies who have become a second family to us over the past three years as they have worked with him and showed us how to better help him.  Instead, a yellow school bus will pull up to our driveway, and Wesley will take a long ride to an unfamiliar place to begin a new and exciting season of his life.

Somehow, I think that Wesley can sense that change is in the air.  He seems less trusting of us and more resistant to anything new these past few weeks.  We visited his new classroom last week, and he did not like it one bit!  A new routine with new rules will take some adjusting for him.  I suspect that his first week will be dreadful as he learns to trust his new teachers and understand their expectations.

But after meeting his teacher and new speech therapist and observing how they teach his classroom, I think they will be a wonderful fit for him.  Once he has adjusted to his new life, I think he will love it, and he will thrive.

God has blessed us by placing us in a wonderful school district that is known for its excellent special education department.  Their reputation is glowing, and in interacting with them so far, we believe this to be true.  They have provided Wesley with a large amount of direct minutes working with speech, occupational and physical therapists each week along with placing him in a classroom that will easily facilitate his need for 1-on-1 instruction.  As well, God has worked in their hearts as they have bent over backwards to fit Wesley into the class that would best fit his needs even though when we first started discussions with them, there was no room for him in this particular class.

Time after time, over the past couple of weeks, we have prayed to God, asking for specific things to happen that we thought were impossible, and God has worked in the hearts of these ladies in the school district so that our prayers were answered.  At first they did not see a need for Wesley to have a sensory plan in place at school, but then the occupational therapist asked if she could come observe Wesley again in our home.  After leaving that day, her perspective completely changed and she became Wesley's biggest advocate.  A wonderful sensory plan has been put into place for him, which gives him the opportunity to succeed in mastering his goals for this year.

As well, throughout the goal writing process, the school district was open to our suggestions and happy to compromise as we discussed our goals for Wesley this year.  As we read over the goals that were agreed upon at his IEP, I can see how God had his hand on the goal-writing process.  God enabled these ladies to get a good picture of Wesley's strengths and weaknesses and to come up with some wonderful goals for him.  If he achieves all of these goals this year, we will be overjoyed.  While each goal individually is definitely attainable, just thinking about him meeting ALL of these goals along with other learning objectives in the next twelve months is an amazing thought.

Cookies made by a dear friend for Wesley's IEP

Because our IEP process was a long and drawn out five hours over two separate days, I had several opportunities to meet with Wesley's teacher and speech therapist to discuss having picture cards ready for him on his first day and to strategize on how best for me to program his communication device for him to communicate at school.  I have been thrilled with their willingness to meet with me multiple times, and even more, I have enjoyed interacting with them and seeing that they truly are looking forward to having my little guy in their class.

While I will miss his joyful self tremendously each morning, I am looking forward to seeing all that God has in store for Wesley as he has been given this wonderful opportunity to learn in a fabulous preschool setting.  As I let go and release him to attend school, I am entrusting him to his faithful heavenly Father, who loves him even more than I do, to watch over him and protect him each day.

Playing With Butterflies

When little brothers are playing, sometimes big brothers just can't resist joining in the fun.

As long as big brothers are gentle with the baby, Mama is happy to let them investigate.

Besides, who wouldn't be interested in a butterfly that plays music and has blinking lights?

And little brothers enjoy the company!

In fact, this little brother saves his biggest smiles for his big brothers.

God Is For Me

This I know, that God is for me.

These are the words that I read out of Psalm 56 this morning.  These are the words that I so desperately needed to hear.

Last night I tossed and turned, dreams filling my mind with unpleasant thoughts and pictures. This is always a sign that deep down, I am anxious and not trusting.

This morning I rushed around, dropping boys off at different locations so I could arrive, attempting to reclaim my scattered thoughts, for another meeting.  The frantic busyness of my life was a perfect picture of the lack of peace in my soul.

Then the words of the Psalm came to my mind again:  "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?"  As my God offers me His peace when I trust Him, He also lovingly keeps count of all my tossings while I try to live my life forgetting to call out to him for help.  He gently gathers up all of my tears and saves them.  He has not forgotten.  This I know, that God is for me.

As I drove my boys through the gloom and rain, my mind raced, planning my day, my week.  I rehearsed requests, pleadings, forms to be submitted, to-do lists.  My anxious thoughts filled the quiet, threatening to take over any remaining strongholds of the peace that surpasses all understanding in my heart.  But then the words came, whispering "in God I trust; I shall not be afraid."

For this I know, that God is for me.

Medical Adventures

This past month has been a busy one at our house.  Along with getting ready for Wesley's first IEP, we have also been in and out of the hospital numerous times.

First, Zach had surgery to remove his adenoids.

Then during his recovery, he got sick and consequently dehydrated.  Three days after his surgery, Zach ended up back in the emergency room getting fluids.

When he was released from the emergency room, Zach was sent home with an IV and a home nurse visitation was scheduled for him to receive even more fluids.

Then last night Wesley and Daddy suffered through a sleep study (and a sleepless night).

In the next few weeks we still have an upcoming surgery to replace the tubes in Wesley's ears and possibly also remove his tonsils.  I am so very thankful for the wonderful insurance God has blessed us with, Mike's flexibility at work and his ability to take off for all of these things so that I can stay home with Liam, and the skilled doctors we have caring for our boys.

God is again reminding us that His steadfast love toward us never ceases.  His mercies never come to an end.  They are new every morning!  Great is His faithfulness!

Jesus Has Overcome the World

"Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice.  You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.  When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.  So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.  In that day you will ask nothing of me.  Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you.  Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."
John 16:20-24

This week was a reminder to me that I am living in the now and still waiting for the not yet. And so, I have sorrow now.  But there will come a day when my sorrow will be turned to joy, and no one will take my joy from me.

In this lifetime, because of the saving grace of Jesus and His kindness toward me, He will give me joy even in the midst of my tears as I trust in Him.  But one day my joy will be full.  On that day, there will be no more tears or suffering or pain or sadness - only joy.  Jesus will wipe away every tear from my eyes.

"In that day you will ask in my name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God."
John 16:26-27

One day my joy will be full because God Himself loves me.  How can it be that the God who spoke the world into being loves me?  Just thinking about these words amazes me.  And this promise gives me hope even when I am sorrowful.  When it seems that I am facing injustices against my son and insurmountable obstacles, I know that I can give my burdens to the God of the universe, trusting Him because I know that He loves me.  And He loves Wesley.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Even when it seems that the whole world is against me and my son, when I cast my cares on the Lord, He promises to give me His peace that passes all understanding.

More than this, I can take heart, for my Savior has overcome the world.

In this world I should expect sorrow and pain, but I have hope because Jesus has overcome the world!  And oh how I long for that day when I will see my Savior face to face and He will wipe away my tears.  On that day, He will fill me with joy in Him for all eternity.

Restoration

Joy.

Healing.

Wholeness.

Restoration.

My heavenly Father has walked with me through the waters and through the fire, and is now restoring to me the years that the locust has eaten.

My God has dealt wondrously with me.  He has filled my quiver with three precious blessings. He has hemmed Wesley in, behind and before, with two brothers to love and protect him.

My Shepherd has restored my soul.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever! (Ps. 23:6)

“Be glad, O children of Zion,
and rejoice in the Lord your God,
for he has given the early rain for your vindication;
he has poured down for you abundant rain,
the early and the latter rain, as before.
The threshing floors shall be full of grain;
the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.
I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.
You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
and praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.
You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame."
Joel 2:23-27

My Times Are In God's Hands

"Our times are in God's hands; it is well they are so.  Believers are not to expect great wealth, long life, or to be free from trials.  But all will be ordered for the best.  And remark from Job's history, that steadiness of mind and heart under trial, is one of the highest attainments of faith. There is little exercise for faith when all things go well.  But if God raises a storm, permits the enemy to send wave after wave, and seemingly stands aloof from our prayers, then, still to hang on and trust God, when we cannot trace him, this is the patience of the saints.  Blessed Saviour! how sweet it is to look unto thee, the Author and Finisher of faith, in such moments!"

Matthew Henry

My Heart

My dear Liam,

When I look into your beautiful grey eyes as they smile back at me, how is it that my heart can be full of such joy and sorrow at the same time?

You are the most happy and content baby I have ever met.  Your personality is delightful and your smile is charming.  Every time someone picks you up and talks to you, you coo back and bless them with your huge smiles.  You love to interact with others.  Even when you are upset, instead of just crying, you coo in a way that sounds like expressive complaining.

We don't have very many toys out for you, because when they come out your big brother confiscates them.  But I am amazed at how content you are just watching those around you. You will happily "talk" to Zach as he plays with his legos or smile as Daddy wrestles with your big brothers.

When I pull out your jungle gym, you can entertain yourself for what seems like hours just batting at your toys and watching them swing back and forth.  The other day I realized that you had been in your jungle gym for forty-five minutes while I worked with Wesley, you were way overdue for a nap, and you were still happily playing without even a bit of fussing.  How is it that you can be so content for so long?

At every nap time, you complain for two or three minutes at the most and then go right to sleep.  You have been sleeping for eight hours a night since you were five weeks old, which is truly amazing. Then last night you slept for nine hours when Mommy accidentally slept in.  It made me think that you would sleep for longer every night if I didn't have to wake you up so early to get everyone out the door on time every morning.

When I pick you up, my heart is filled with joy that God gave you to me - the third boy I thought I'd never have.

But when I look into your sweet eyes, sorrow also bubbles up in my soul.  I was just telling Daddy the other day that some day you will break my heart.  Every time you smile at me and coo, I remember that Wesley never made eye contact; Wesley never cooed.  When you hold your head up so high and so straight without wobbling, I am reminded of the countless hours we spent working with Wesley so that he could do what you do so effortlessly.  As I cradle you in my arms and feed you, I think of how much I missed not being able to do that with Wesley. Looking over at you while you play in your jungle gym, I remember how disappointed I was that Wesley never played with it.  Because of sensory issues, he hated being on his back, and he never figured out how to swing his arms to bat at the toys.  (Instead he learned how to roll over so he could get out of there!)

As you get older, you will have to forgive me when I praise you for your successes with tears in my eyes.  I hope you will understand.  I love you so much and I will rejoice with you at all of your accomplishments.  But I love your brother too, and your achievements will always be a reminder to me of his limitations.

I pray that over time God will strengthen my heart to handle the struggles that will come my way with grace.  I pray that God will give you a soft heart that understands my pain and my joy.  I often ask God to give you a kind heart toward your big brother so that as you surpass him in your achievements, you do so with gentleness and compassion.

Liam, your name means unwavering protector, and it would be my greatest joy to see you live up to your name, never wavering in your loving protection of your older brother.  I often think, when I look at you, that God gave you to us specifically as a blessing for your big brother.  As you grow up, I pray that you will take your brother by the hand and bring him alongside you, protecting him, caring for him, loving him, and befriending him.  Long after Mommy and Daddy are gone, I pray that he will have you, his resolute guardian, by his side.

I love you my son.  You are my joy and my delight, and every day I thank God for His kindness in giving you to me.

Love,
Mama