Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Where Does My Help Come From?


Since Wesley was born, my life has changed significantly.  Instead of weekly play dates with friends and their kids, regular trips to the pool with Zach in the summer or to the children's museum in the winter, time to sit and read books to Zach for hours at a time, and plenty of time to catch up with friends on the phone, our house now runs on a strict schedule.  Now the boys and I head out to multiple doctor's appointments each month (or week), welcome four therapists into our home each week, and make a three hour round trip to see Wesley's feeding therapist every Monday.  Zach also has a gymnastics class each week, which is a blessing for Zach while adding a little more busyness for me.


When Wesley was first born, as I looked into the future and imagined that it might include a lifestyle like this, the thought of it was overwhelming.  But I have found that God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9, God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  I have found this to be true over and over again over the past year and a half.  When I look at all that the Lord has called me to, it seems like too much to bear.  But each day, as I call out to him for help, he always pours out abundant grace that is more than sufficient for carrying me through the tasks at hand.

When I look back at Wesley's first year, the first thing that I see is God's amazing grace.  It is only by the Lord's sustaining hand that I was able to survive 10 doctor's appointments and four trips to the hospital in Wesley's first month (67 appointments, procedures, and hospital visits in the first year and 106 to date), towing along a pump and pumping in doctor's offices, hospital blood drawing stations, and hospital rooms.  It is only by God's powerful grace that he gave me the strength and the self control to eliminate all allergens from my diet for seven months as we sought to identify what Wesley was allergic to.  Those who know me best would know that I have no self control when it comes to food!  It is only by God's sustaining grace that he gave me the ability to pump for eleven months and give Wesley the antibodies he needed to get him through his first winter.  I am so weak, and on my own I would have given up.  I would have lost heart.  But, the Lord was faithful to give his strength to my faint heart; his power to my weakness. As I look back, I am in awe that most days I was not overwhelmed. Most days God gave me the grace to take each day one moment at a time, trusting God for the grace I would need for the next moment.  Thank you Lord!

Wesley & his friend Stellan, the son of a dear friend (taken 1 year ago)

Yet, as I reflect on the Lord's faithfulness to me and to our family, I am amazed that so often when I am overwhelmed or in need of help, I look first to others rather than to the Lord.  Then, when they don't sustain me or help me or strengthen me the way the Lord does, I am hurt by their lack of help or by my perception of their lack of care.  I am quick to judge their motives and slow to show them the same grace that the Lord has shown me.  I was recently reminded by a dear friend who is much farther along on the path of raising a child with special needs, that the bottom line is that my help comes from GOD.  God provides for my needs  - not the church, and not my friends in the church.  God may use my friends, but I need to keep my eyes on Him.  When I need help, I need to go to the Lord first and trust that HE will provide.  And, I need to remember that most people have had very little contact with people with special needs.  In their ignorance, they don't know what to say or how to help.  It is God's kindness to me to put me in situations with others where I can begin to adjust to this truth and learn to trust God in the midst of it all.  And, if God is not providing for me through others, I have to trust that God has called me to walk through a particular trial or season alone.  My circumstances are ordained by God, and I can trust that the Lord is faithful and kind, and he will be faithful to provide for my every need - just as He always has.

This is not to say that I have walked through the last year and a half alone.  God has blessed our family with wonderful friends who have come alongside us, caring for our souls, cleaning our house, and watching Zach during countless doctor's appointments and several surgeries.  But the help we have received from them is help that we have ultimately received from God.  And I am beginning to see that the help that I thought I sometimes needed from them but did not receive was also a kindness from God, to teach me that He is the one who sustains me.  He has used the past 19 months to show me that when I am in need of help, I should first call out to Him.  And when I do, He is ALWAYS faithful to strengthen me, help me and uphold me by His righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Psalm 121
"I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore."


5 comments:

sarah k said...

This is very powerful, Elisabeth. Very true. Thank you!

Rochelle said...

Such a great reminder to all of us to keep focused on God! Beautiful post.

Katie said...

Thanks for testifying to His faithfulness! It is so easy to forget and wonder if He really will be faithful again...and yet He always is. Thanks for living out faith in His sufficient grace for the rest of us to learn from!

andreajennine said...

Wow, Elisabeth. These are powerful truths you're learning and sharing. Thank you for pointing us all to rely on God. (And that picture of Wesley & Stellan is adorable!)

Alice Marie said...

Psalm 27:13