Staycation 2012: Day 3

This morning I forgot my camera at home, so pictures from my phone will have to do....

Staycation 2012: Day 2

Staycation 2012: Day 1

Delays...Again

How does one parent a supposedly normally developing child who is born into a family directly after a child with special needs?  It often seems that a parent has one of two options - to over-think and evaluate every little detail of this child's life, constantly agonizing over whether this child is following a normal pattern, or to tell oneself that everything is fine and brush off any concerns under the assumption that a doctor's clean bill of health is sufficient assurance that there is nothing to fear.

What is not commonly known is that the knowledge of developmental sequences we have learned in raising Wesley has enabled us to identify concerns in Liam's development that we otherwise would have most likely missed.  Knowing what developmental progressions look like has been both a blessing and a curse as we have followed Liam much more closely than we would have preferred to do, noting delays and praying that God would give us wisdom to know if we are overreacting or if our concerns are legitimate.

As I previously wrote, our fight for faith began when Liam was first born.  He followed in his brother's footsteps, unable to nurse for his first two weeks of life.  Then, when Liam was a month old, Wesley's physical therapist commented that Liam seemed delayed in his gross motor skills.  She gave us exercises to do with him and encouraged us to work with him daily with the hope of avoiding the necessity of calling Early Intervention for a physical therapy evaluation.  After several months of working faithfully with him, we were relieved to see him start sitting up at six months.

But just as Liam seemed to catch up with his gross motor skills, red flags started showing up with feeding and fine motor skills.  We persevered in attempting to feed him solids for two months while listening to others tell us that it was not at all uncommon for children to take their time in learning to eat and that we were only concerned because of our previous experiences with Wesley.  We wavered often, wondering if the signs that something was wrong that seemed so obvious to us were really just misguided fears influenced by the past. Were we exaggerating his delays, or were our concerns justified?  After asking God for wisdom and talking with multiple feeding therapists, we decided to bring Liam in for an evaluation on Friday.

As I look back, I am ashamed to say that I did not prepare my heart beforehand for what I might discover.  Instead of praying and asking God to give me peace and joy amid my circumstances, I spent my time preparing for the practicals - finding childcare for my two big boys, packing spoons and bibs, gathering different flavors and textures of purees and finger foods, and filling out pages of forms.

But again, as He always has, God showed Himself to be faithful despite my faithlessness. Throughout the evaluation and even in sharing the results with others afterward, God filled my heart with peace.  As the feeding therapist confirmed my suspicions of both feeding and fine motor delays, God enabled me to trust Him.  This news was no surprise to God.  And while it wouldn't be the way I would plan out my son's life, my heart was filled with peace with the knowledge that God has ordained every one of my son's days.  And more than that, He loves my son.

As I walked out of the therapy center with my precious baby, the words to an old children's song came to mind:  "Second verse, same as the first, but worse."  But yet, it wasn't worse. While my heart was saddened by the news, I was also very aware of how much God has worked in my heart over the past three years.  This time, my heart naturally turned to trust in God's steadfast love.  There was no struggle and fight to see God's goodness or to believe His promises.  Instead I was able to sing to the Lord and see that He truly had dealt bountifully with me.

So Liam will start weekly feeding therapy next week, and we will continue to observe him for a few more weeks before pursuing an occupational therapy evaluation.

And even in this, I see how God's plan is perfect and how His purposes for us are for our good. My big boys will be starting school in two weeks, which will open up several hours each morning to pursue therapy for Liam and to work with him uninterrupted.  While I had looked forward to several hours of free time each morning, I am again reminded that my time is not my own but the Lord's, to use as He sees fit.  And I am truly thankful that God has provided me with this lull in an otherwise hectic schedule to care for my baby.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.  Psalm 13:5-6

Picture Board Shenanigans

So, I've noticed my big brother has this really cool board with lots of pictures velcroed to it.

Mommy and Daddy try to keep it organized for him so that he always knows where his picture cards are.  This way he can give them cards to tell them what he wants.

But see, I recently figured out that it is lots of fun to crawl over to to his picture board and pull the pictures off one by one.

I inspect each card, taste it, and then toss it aside to find another another card that better suits my fancy.

I don't understand why Mommy keeps scooping me up, moving me away, and then putting the pictures back on.  I mean, what's a boy to do?

The Land of Narnia - Part 2

Click here to read Part 1.

While Zach is thoroughly enjoying listening to The Chronicles of Narnia and dreaming of battles and knights, I believe that I have benefited far more from the stories this time around.

As an adult, having now experienced more of what it means to live as a Christian in this world, I am ever more grateful for C. S. Lewis and these words he has written.  As I listen to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, my heart grasps, even just a bit more, the depth of the pain and sorrow that Jesus experienced as He gave His life for me.  I am filled with gratefulness that while my traitorous self ran from Jesus, pursuing the things of this world, my Savior pursued me, saved me from my sin, and gave His own life to purchase me forevermore.

When I hear the words from Prince Caspian, I am again reminded that I am called to follow Jesus even when I do not see Him or understand why He is leading me in a direction that seems intuitively to make no sense.  I am called to follow Him even when others around me do not do the same.  And, I recall that Jesus does not always show Himself as He has in the past.  I am not to expect that He will always step in and mightily save the day, although I know that He can. Sometimes He calls me to trust Him and follow Him and believe He is there even when I cannot see Him and do not understand His plan.

Then I listen to The Voyage of the Dawntreader and my longing for Heaven only grows deeper. As I step farther into the book, with each turn of the page, my anticipation of Aslan's country only increases.  Great risks must be taken and great trials experienced, with much perseverance, but oh how great the joy when we finally reach the end of our journey.  How I long for the day when I will see my Savior, the Lamb of God, and fall at His feet to worship Him.  Then there will be only joy.  All my tears will be washed away, and there will be no more pain or suffering.

But my favorite of all the books in this series is The Horse and His Boy.  I have never been able to put my finger on why, but ever since I was a young girl I have been drawn back to this story time and time again.  This week as I listened to the dramatization of this book, the words have grabbed hold of my soul once again.  While we are walking through trials, we do not know why the Lord has called us to go through them.  Often we do not see how there can possibly be any good that can come from them.  Many times when our circumstances seem to be at their very worst, we question how God could even permit these things to happen to us at all if He truly loves us.

Unlike with the hero of this story, God often does not answer our questions and explain His reasons to us in this life.  When we are feeling sorry for ourselves, we do not have the opportunity to tell God that we are indeed the most unfortunate person in the whole world and then have Him show us how He has orchestrated every circumstance in our entire life, though possibly painful at the time, to work for our eventual and eternal good.  But this book reminds me that even though I cannot always see it, God truly is working all things for good in my life.

And we know that for those who love God all things to work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  For those whom he foreknew he also called predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son....  Romans 8:28-32

The Land of Narnia - Part 1

Growing up, some of my favorite books were the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. I remember reading them countless times as a child, vividly imagining each scene as it played out in my mind.  What fond memories I have of curling up on my bed and reading one of these books until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  Not only were the stories captivating, but the way that C. S. Lewis wove the gospel and the character of God into these books opened my eyes to better understand and rejoice in the gospel, God's sovereignty, and His love for His children.  I saw and began to understand, although I had not yet begun to experience personally, how God orchestrates our circumstances, no matter how difficult and unfortunate they may seem at the time, for our good and for His glory.

Soon after Zach was born, my mind began counting the years until I could introduce him to these stories.  I imagined reading these books to him while he listened, motionless and awestruck, soaking in every word just as I had done many years before.  While his introduction to these books has not been exactly as I imagined, his response has not disappointed.

This summer, the highly anticipated moment came.  Upon deciding that Zach was probably ready to be introduced to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the thought occurred to me that since we often spend up to an hour in the car each day, it might be well worth investing in Focus on the Family's Radio Theatre production of these books.  I cannot speak highly enough of these dramatizations of the stories.  Although we're not curled up on the couch reading and turning the pages together, Zach sits with rapt attention for hours as we drive along in the car. And I have thoroughly enjoyed listening to them as well.

As a child, Zach is wrapped up in the battles, coming home and re-enacting fights with his sword in the back yard.  In fact, his love of Narnian battles has grown into a love of sword fights of any kind.  I often find him in battle, "good guys vs. bad guys" around the trees, over the berm, onto the deck, and down the hill in our back yard.  He will then come into the house to excitedly announce the winners and losers of the battle and how that might affect our family's next outside adventure.  It seems he has even passed his love of sword fighting on to his younger brother.  Wesley now picks up his swords, swinging them around while yelling "Yah! Yah! Yah!"

We have also enjoyed discussing the meanings of the stories, and Zach is truly fascinated with the concept of allegories.  His questions have led to rich conversations, which I pray the Lord will use to open the eyes of his heart to truly see and believe the gospel.

Click here to read Part 2.