Words...Again

It's been a long time since we've heard words from our sweet Wesley.  He used to talk all the time.  By January he had learned six words and proudly used them to communicate his wants and needs.  But then, for reasons we still are unsure of (fluid in his ears? seizures?), he stopped talking.  Completely.

Imagine our surprise and joy when two days ago I asked Wesley if he wanted to help me find Daddy and he jumped up and said "Dada".  And then, he said it again and again and again. Once he realized he could talk, he ran around upstairs saying "Dada" and smiling from ear to ear.  We cheered and cheered for him while he proudly stood in front of us and clapped for himself.  For the past two days now, every time we ask him to say Daddy, he excitedly says it.

Then yesterday Wesley decided to show off his running skills.  He insisted that Daddy run around the circle in the house with him - FOR 20 MINUTES!  That kid must have run at least a mile.  If Daddy stopped running for even a minute, Wesley would run up to him and push him while saying "wa wa" (run, run).  Fifteen minutes into their run, Daddy decided to run backwards. Wesley did NOT approve of this behavior, so Daddy told him that if he wanted Daddy to turn around, he needed to say "turn around".  So, what did Wesley say?  "Ta Awawa!"  To say that we were in shock would be an understatement.  Daddy decided to test him by running backwards again.  Again Wesley expressed his displeasure, Daddy told him to say "turn around", and Wesley said "ta awawa".  Then today at feeding therapy, Wesley's therapist played a turn around game with him, and Wesley said it again for her.

After Wesley's feeding therapy today, Wesley and I stopped by to visit his great-grandparents. As we walked up to their front door, I asked Wesley if he wanted to see Grandma and Grandpa.  With a sparkle of delight in his eye, he said "vama, vapa".  I was sure he was just babbling, so I said, "Can Wesley say Grandma?", to which he replied "vama"!  Then I asked him to say Grandpa, and he said "vapa".  Of course once he saw them he was too excited to show off his new words, but I was floored.

My little boy has started talking.  God has done a work in the mind and mouth of my son and given him the ability to speak!  Of course we still have a long way to go.  His words all sound very similar and are difficult to decipher, and most of the time he requires being verbally cued, but we are leaps and bounds farther along on the road to speaking than we were just three short days ago.

O for a thousand tongues to sing

My great Redeemer's praise,

The glories of my God and King,

The triumphs of His grace!

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,

Your loosened tongues employ;

Ye blind, behold your Savior come,

And leap, ye lame, for joy!

My Little Trooper

Roaming the halls before the EEG

It won't be too bad, right Dad?

Fast asleep at noon after screaming for an entire hour while the leads were glued to his head

Playing and hanging out

Ready to eat!

Playing some more...

Free at last!

Welcome home my sweet Wesley!  Zach and I missed you while you were away.  Your antics and laughter have been delightful today.  It is quite apparent that you are loving your freedom.

Just the Two of Us

The last two days, while Mike and Wesley have been cooped up in a hospital room experiencing the joys of a 48 hour EEG, Zach and I have had a delightful time together.  I have loved spending every waking moment with my big boy.  It has been fun to be reminded of how funny and exuberant he is.  He can fill every moment of every day with conversation without hardly taking time to breathe.

We've started each morning with him climbing into my bed and having me read to him from his devotional book. It's amazing how much you can read and talk about when you're not pressed for time.  Then yesterday we went to the children's museum and then out for lunch.  I loved watching Zach run around and use his imagination.  It was such a joy to let him lead the way and not constantly have to tell him to stay with Mommy.  We had a blast building together with magnetic shapes and playing in the space shuttle.  He even persuaded me to come into the workshop and help him build a car out of wood and nails.  I'm not sure Mike will be very impressed with my construction, but at least Zach didn't notice its poor craftsmanship.  He was just thrilled to talk with me while we were working.

Zach has also grabbed hold of the opportunity to work through his "school books" the past few days.  He finished up his enormous Preschool workbook the other day so Mike went out and bought him a Kindergarten workbook to take it's place.  I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that he has completed at least fifty pages in his workbook in the past two days. He loves to learn, and anything that includes logic of some kind is right up his alley.  Yesterday he was hard at work completing subtraction problems, and today he surprised me with his rhyming skills.  He has so much fun talking through each page with me and learning each new concept.

As today comes to a close, I am looking forward to having Wesley home again tomorrow. But I will very much miss the extra time with my big boy.  As much as Wesley is an enormous blessing and a wonderful little brother, I am much more aware after today of how much of my time he requires.  Zach really does receive the the left over bits and pieces of my day after I have finished caring for his little brother.  I am praying that God will help me to find a way to restructure my days so that Zach and I can have more fun times together - just the two of us.

Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast Thou offended,
That man to judge Thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by Thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty?  Who brought this upon Thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone Thee.
'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied Thee!
I crucified Thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
For man's atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was Thine incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and Thy life's oblation;
Thy death of anguish and Thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay Thee,
I do adore Thee, and will ever pray Thee,
Think on Thy pity and Thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.

Directed Steps

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

The last few weeks have not gone according to plan.  At every turn, Mike and I have found new surprises and received bad medical reports.  In our hearts, we had planned out our lives and the lives of our children very differently than what it seems may come to pass.  But we cling to the promise that it is the Lord who is directing our steps.  As it says in Psalm 54:4, the Lord is our helper, and He is the upholder of our lives.  There is no place that we would rather be, and no place that we would rather our children be, than in the Lord's hands, upheld by the same God who created us and sent His Son to save us.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

As we walk through this season of things that truly are frightening, we are grateful for these words from the Lord reminding us that we have no need to fear our frightening circumstances, for the Lord our God is with us.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  He will not forsake our children.  He will be with us wherever we go.  Because of this, we can walk courageously forward and face the future that the Lord has ordained for us.

He Will Keep Us At Ease

"If we are haunted by God, nothing else can get in, no cares, no tribulation, no anxieties. We see now why Our Lord so emphasized the sin of worry. How can we dare be so utterly unbelieving when God is round about us? To be haunted by God is to have an effective barricade against all the onslaughts of the enemy.

'His soul shall dwell at ease.' In tribulation, misunderstanding, slander, in the midst of all these things, if our life is hid with Christ in God, He will keep us at ease. We rob ourselves of the marvelous revelation of this abiding companionship of God. “God is our Refuge” — nothing can come through that shelter."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, June 2 meditation

Happy Birthday Wesley

Dear Wesley,

It is hard for me to believe that you are already two years old.  It seems like just yesterday you were a baby, and now you are so big.  When I dress you in the clothes your big brother wore to the hospital to visit you when you were born, I am reminded of just how much you have grown up.  How can it be?  How can my baby be a big boy now?

Wesley, I can't even begin to tell you how God has used you to change my heart.  As I look back at the past two years, all I see is joy.  Despite all the tears I have cried, the struggles with feeding you, the fears as we faced your medical issues, and your multiple surgeries and other procedures, my view of these past two years is tinted with a rosy shade.  I remember the joys of watching each little thing you learned to do.  I think of all the times my heart has burst with pride as you have persevered to master something new.  When I picture your face, I always see you laughing back at me with delight.

God has used you, my dear son, to teach me what it truly means to trust God - to trust that He is good and that He does all things well.   In giving you to me, God has helped me to stop striving after what I might imagine a perfect life to be and instead trust His perfect plan for my life - and for yours.  In just two short years, God has already used you in marvelous and wonderful ways in your Mama's life.  I can only imagine the great plans that God has for the rest of your life.  I pray that you will touch the lives of countless people and that they will see Jesus through you.

The other day, as I looked at pictures of you from a year ago, I commented to your Daddy about how delightful you were back then.  That's what you have always been.  Delightful. Your tears are few and far between (when you're feeling well), your determination to learn new things is fierce, and your joy is abundant.  God has truly blessed you with an amazing countenance.  The first thing that anyone ever comments about you is your smile and your laughter.  Your laugh is contagious, and considering that you laugh all the time, laughter is a common sound in our home.

I can't wait to watch this next year unfold.  My heart fills with excitement as I think of the new things you will learn.  I anticipate your smiles and laughter as you learn new words and signs. And oh the joy that will be yours when you master the art of feeding yourself.  I can already see your face as you squeal with delight and wave your fork everywhere.  If only I could preemptively warn the walls of the food that will soon be coming their way.

I love you, my sweet Wesley, and I am honored that God has given me the joy and delight of being your Mama.

Love,
Mama

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things!...  Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!  Psalm 98:1, 4