Much Given...Much Required

Dear Zach,

When I watch your little mind at work, I am in awe.  The questions you ask and the vocabulary you use are constantly reflecting depth of the thoughts running through your little head.  When you use words like "ubiquitous" or "occupied" correctly in a sentence, my jaw drops.  Often, instead of answering your questions, I am asking you, "Where did you learn that?".  The other day, you informed me that you could count to 100.  Believing that you would count to 20 and then get stuck, I asked you to show me.  And you did!

You are reading so well, and you often pick out words that you can read when I am reading books or the Bible to you.  Then today, when I picked you up from Sunday School, I looked down at the picture you colored and my eyes went wide.  You didn't color very much, but your name was clearly written across the top of the picture, and not in your teacher's handwriting.  I asked you if your teacher had helped you write your name, and you said no.  You informed me that you told your teacher you could write your name all by yourself - and then you did it!

But Zach, when I see the mind that the Lord has blessed you with, I am reminded of the words that Jesus spoke in Luke 12:48.  "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted much, much more will be asked."  Zach, I don't know why the Lord gave you the mind that he gave you while giving Wesley the mind that He gave him.  But I do know that the Lord has given you much, and as one to whom the Lord has entrusted much, much will be required of you.

When I look at you and Wesley together, I often smile as I see God's wisdom in giving Wesley to you as a brother.  I pray that growing up with him, helping him, loving him, and seeing how hard it is for him to learn things will humble you.  I pray that God will use the difficulties that Wesley experiences to help you realize that everything you have is a GIFT from God.  I pray that you will never grow proud because of what you accomplish, but that you will thank God, knowing that He is the giver of all good gifts.

I pray for you each day, that you will trust in Jesus as your Savior and that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.  My heart will rejoice if one day I can say, "This is my son Zach, a man after God's own heart."  God has given you much Zach, and if you love your Savior and seek to follow Him all of your days, then you can use the gifts that He has given you to further His kingdom and to bring Him much glory.

Zach, I can already see that the task ahead of Daddy and I will be difficult as we seek to teach you and model for you humility and a love for our Savior.  But, I also rejoice as I see the Lord already at work in your heart, drawing you to Himself.

Love,

Mom

Bubbles

Dear Wesley,

Have I ever told you that your laughter is contagious?  Once you start laughing, it's hopeless for me to try to keep a straight face. And when Zach and Daddy are around too, you're sure to get a whole symphony of laughter going.

My favorite thing about your laughter is that you laugh with a purpose.  You don't just laugh because you think something is funny.  You laugh because not only are you enjoying something immensely, but you want EVERYONE around you to enjoy it just as much as you do.  If we don't start laughing right away, you come over and stand right in front of our faces and keep laughing until we join in with you.  (You would be thrilled to know that I am laughing right now just thinking about your enthusiastic laugh!)

We recently figured out that one sure way to get you laughing is for Daddy to blow bubbles while you and Zach run around trying to pop them.  To say that you love bubbles is an understatement. They have been a therapy tool for months as we have used them to work on lots of things you weren't interested in working on otherwise.  (You probably have no idea that we've been working on getting you to say your "p" sound as we say "pop, pop, pop", or that popping bubbles is practice with using your pointer finger, or that we were all thrilled beyond belief last week when you made the connection that signing "more" can be used not only to request more food, but also to request more bubbles!)

Anyway, back to my story.  Daddy and I have never seen you and Zach have as much fun laughing as you did the first night that Daddy pulled out the bubbles.  If you were expecting more therapy when you saw the bottle come out, you were in for a surprise!  Instead Daddy blew bubbles EVERYWHERE while you and Zach chased them.  (Really, Zach chased them while you laughed at his antics and ran around in excited circles.)  In fact, I think you thought watching Zach dive around popping bubbles that were almost out of his reach was way funnier than popping the bubbles that Daddy blew right to you.

Soon chasing bubbles turned into chasing brothers.  You started chasing Zach around while he squealed with laughter, enjoying watching you run after him while staying just out of your reach. You two laughed and laughed while you ran in circles around Daddy's lounge chair in the family room.  Eventually Zach let you catch him, and I think you thought that was the funniest thing EVER!  Zach fell to the floor and yelled, "Wesley, tackle!".  Then you ran over to him, looked at him and just cracked up, and reached out your arm to gently nudge him.  Zach threw himself exaggeratedly to the floor as you fell on top of him, squealing with delight.  You two kept chasing and wrestling until you eventually wore your big brother out.  You know, he can't run around 24-7 without getting tired the way you can.

Daddy and I even caught you standing up BY YOURSELF in the middle of the floor to chase Zach again rather than crawling over to the couch to pull yourself up.  And even better, you were so cute that I decided to take a video of you.  Amazingly, it was during this video that you decided to say "bubble" for the first time!  Daddy and I couldn't believe it!  We were so proud of you!

Wesley, you are such a delight and a blessing!  You bring so much laughter and joy into our home.  I love you so much, and I know your Daddy and big brother do too!

Love,
Mama

Standing Steadfastly - Part 2

Click here to read Part 1.

In my last post I wrote about how in the midst of this trial, God Himself is my way of escape.  When I take advantage of the means of escape that He has provided for me by calling out to Him and trusting in His faithfulness and goodness and sovereignty over my circumstances, then He lifts me up and causes me to stand up under the trial I am walking through rather than be weighed down by it.

But how do I remain steadfast in this trial, continuing to stand rather than slowly being weighed down over time until I am crushed underneath the weight of it all?

According to James 1:2-12, I am to count it all joy when I face trials of various kinds, because I know that the testing of my faith produces steadfastness.  This means that the trial the Lord has called me to walk through is being used to test me with the express purpose of strengthening my faith.  As my faith in God is strengthened, the result is steadfastness, which the ESV Study Bible defines as "a life of faithful endurance amid troubles and afflictions".

James goes on to say, "And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  It is amazing to me that God has designed it so that the way that I am to grow in holiness is by walking through trials, counting it joy because I know that God is using these very trials to teach me how to faithfully endure by trusting in my faithful God.

God even addresses what I am to do when I begin to feel crushed by the weight of it all again - not knowing what to do, fearing the future, lacking wisdom for how I am to best care for Wesley while still caring for and loving the rest of my family.  God tells me that He WANTS me to ask Him whenever I lack wisdom.  And, He promises to give wisdom generously whenever I ask.  In fact, it glorifies Him when I seek His wisdom, trusting that He is good and will work all things for good.  I am so grateful for God's promise to generously give me wisdom as I trust in Him and call out to Him, that I might remain steadfast as I walk through this trial.

As I look to God as my way of escape and faithfully endure this trial while calling out to God for wisdom, I am trusting that He will continue to lift me up and cause me to stand up steadfastly under it.  I pray that one day God will receive much glory as it is said of me, "Blessed is Elisabeth, for she remained steadfast under trial.  She has stood the test, and she will now receive the crown of life, which God has promised for those who love him."

Success!

Today was a big day for us.  A huge day!

Wesley's feeding therapist has been working with him for months to get him to eat "big people food".  In December he started eating Spaghetti-O's with meatballs and mini ravioli with meatballs for her, but he refused to eat them for us at home.  He also started drinking juice or rice milk from an open cup for her, but again was refusing to drink from an open cup for us.

We talked with Wesley's therapist and concluded that this was yet another case of Wesley's motor planning issues.  He always insists on everything being done the same way by the same person in the same place.  So, we figured that he had associated eating non-baby food with his therapist and the therapy center.  He wasn't able to make the motor plan transition to permitting us to feed him at home in his high chair.  Yesterday at his feeding therapy session, his therapist worked on helping me to feed him and encouraging him to eat for me.  She even gave me an extra cup she had for assisting him with open cup drinking.  It was a spectacular success!  But we still had to transition his feeding home, and after so many failures, my expectations were quite low.

Surprise of all surprises, Wesley gobbled up his Spaghetti-O's and meatballs and drank 2 ounces of milk from his cup for lunch today!  Of course, I had to adhere to the strict structure of the meal to make it as similar to his therapy sessions as possible.  First we practiced chewing by taking bites of veggie straws on each side of his mouth.  Then he watched me pour the Spaghetti-O's into a bowl, which I put on his tray.  (I normally NEVER put bowls of food on his tray and in reach of his swiping hand!)  I gave him several bites with a spoon to acclimate him to the taste, texture and temperature.  Then we went in with the fork!  We went back and forth, putting bites of meatballs on each side and practicing chewing.  Wesley tolerated it amazingly!

After Wesley was full, we started practicing with open cup drinking.  He let me put one of my hands under his chin for support while I held his cup up to help him take sips.  He signed more between sips to let me know that he wanted to keep going.  He even laughed as I would bring his cup up to his mouth for more!  I couldn't believe it!

Thank you Lord for helping my son to start eating.  We have been praying for so long for a breakthrough, and it seems that today is the day You have chosen to answer our prayers!

Standing Steadfastly - Part 1

The last few weeks I have been pondering what it means to remain steadfast under trial.

In 1 Corinthians 10:13, it says "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to stand up under it."  What a comfort it is to read this verse and to be reminded that God is faithful!  And because He always has been and always will be faithful, I can trust that He will be faithful to me. Right now.  In this trial.  

In His faithfulness, He has promised that He has not and never will give me more than He will also give me His abundant grace to handle.  I readily confess that I have way more than I can handle in my own strength right now.  But, can also attest to the fact that to this point, God has been faithful to never allow me to be tempted beyond what he has also given me the grace to be able to do.

What I find most beautiful about this verse, though, is God's promise that with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape that I may be able to stand up under it.  Trials weigh us down.  Having a child with special needs is a weight that I carry each day.  It is easy to lose heart, to fear the future, to be filled with guilt when I feel like I am not doing enough.  This weight affects not just my own heart.  It also affects my relationships with others - my husband, my children, and my friends.

But in this verse I am reminded that God never sends a trial without also sending a way of escape.  This does not mean that God has provided me with an earthly escape.  God has given us no promise of physical healing for Wesley.  God does not promise that things will get easier with time.  What He does promise is that He will give me Himself.  When I call out to the Lord in the midst of my trials, He will hear my cry and will answer me.  He will help me and will give me rest.  He will lift me up and cause me to stand even in the midst of the trials that He has called me to walk through.

God Himself is my way of escape, and when I call out to Him and take advantage of the means of escape that He has provided for me, then He lifts me up and causes me to stand up under the trial rather than being weighed down by it.  When I take His yoke, I find that His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).

Click here to read Part 2.

Christmas Day

This Christmas was a special day for us.  For the first time, we stayed home for Christmas and enjoyed it as a family.  The boys loved the extra attention, and Mike and I were grateful for a laid back and relaxing day.

First the boys opened their stockings.

Wesley LOVED watching his wind-up toy jump across the floor.

Zach was a delight as we opened presents.  He excitedly asked us to read the label on each present and then handed it to the recipient.  It was so much fun to watch his joy as he handed others their presents.  He was full of generosity and was so happy for us as we opened our gifts.  (Of course he also loved the fact that he had the privilege of opening all of Wesley's presents as Wesley was completely uninterested in the unwrapping process.)  Zach was especially excited as we each opened the presents he had picked out for us.

Zach insisted on giving Mike a five pack of Hot Wheels Ferraris. He just knew that was EXACTLY what Daddy wanted!

Zach couldn't wait for me to open the scarf he picked out for me!

Meanwhile, Wesley was content to start  working on stacking his new set of stacking cups.

We did persuade Wesley to open one of his presents though!

After breakfast, Zach and I decorated gingerbread men.

We then enjoyed a delicious Christmas lunch together and had a wonderful time playing together as a family.  It was nice to have a day with no therapy, no doctor's appointments, and nowhere to go.  We were free to enjoy a spectacular day of family time with no interruptions!

Phoebe

I have struggled for a month now, wanting to share the burden that has been weighing on my heart but not knowing what to say or how to say it.  Several months ago, I chanced upon Reece's Rainbow, an organization that facilitates the adoption of children with special needs - most of them children with Down syndrome. What I read there opened my eyes to the horrors of what it means for a child to have Down syndrome in Eastern Europe.  These children are considered unacceptable and are put into orphanages at birth.  If they are not adopted by the time they are five, they are moved to mental institutions where they live out the rest of their lives.  From the moment they are born, their sentence has been written - a life of abandonment, neglect, grief, and misery that the rest of us could never even imagine.  (You can see an NBC video clip on Serbian mental institutions here.)

As I looked through the hundreds of pictures listed on Reece's Rainbow, one particular little girl jumped out at me.  This little girl has tugged at my heart until it has broken for her.  You see, when I look into the eyes of this precious little girl, I see my son Wesley. They have the same wispy blonde hair, red nose and cheeks, and open mouth expressions.  And they were both born in April of 2009.  The difference is that Phoebe was unwanted and put away forever, just because she has Down syndrome.

It rips my heart out to think that no one would want a little girl so very much like my son.  And Phoebe is by no means the only one. There are countless children just like her waiting in orphanages for God to lay it on the hearts of a family to come and rescue them and adopt them into their own families.

This Christmas, we can give them the gift of a new life. International adoptions cost in the neighborhood of $25,000, so any donation to these children lowers the cost of their adoption and increases their chances of finding their forever family.  As my friend Rochelle said so well, "God calls each of us to support orphans, and Reece's Rainbow is a great Christian organization to accomplish that mission."

So what are we waiting for?  Let's skip that extra dinner out and give a far greater gift!