Displaying God's Grace

As I mentioned in my last post, Wesley has become quite demanding in the past few weeks. In addition to his demands, he has increasingly expressed his frustration with being re-directed or told "no" by hitting us in the face, pulling our hair, or throwing his glasses.

Last Friday I reached the bottom of my rope.  During a difficult experience in a store that afternoon, Wesley expressed his displeasure with being held by repeatedly hitting me in the face and pulling my hair out of its hairband.  When we left, I set Wesley down to hold my hand as we walked to the car.  I was aware that he was not happy with the situation by the way that he was throwing himself around as we walked.  But with the distractions of watching for cars and talking with Zach, I was not cognizant of how he chose to express his anger until we reached the car.  As I lifted him into his carseat, I immediately took note of what was missing - his glasses!  Grumbling filled my heart as I pulled Wesley back out of his carseat and grabbed Zach's hand so we could make our way back across the parking lot in search of the missing accessory.  At the other end of the lot, dollar signs immediately crossed my mind as I saw his frames bent in multiple directions and one of his lenses awkwardly sitting nearby.

At this moment, I was amazed at how quickly anger at my child could rise up in my heart.  In truth, it had been rising since he was ripping my hair out minutes before, but at this second, my anger toward Wesley boiled over.  I am ashamed to say that as I collected the pieces, I yelled at my precious son, harshly reminding him to NEVER throw his glasses. The look of shock and fear in his eyes will haunt me forever.  Then I marched the boys back to the car and stormily buckled Wesley back into his seat.

As I closed my door and started the car, the Lord began to nudge my heart.  He reminded me of the countless times that I have sinned against Him, and how it is only because of His grace that I have not been utterly destroyed by the wrath of God that I fully and completely deserve. Because of Jesus, all I have known is grace.  And because of Jesus, I ought to bestow upon my son the same grace that has been shown to me.  Instead of responding to my son's disobedience and anger by yelling at him, I have the opportunity to show my son a picture of who God is through Jesus by responding to him in a way that he does not deserve.  By showing him grace, I am reflecting my Savior and the grace given to me at the cross where Jesus atoned for each and every one of my sins.

Yes, Wesley disobeyed me when he threw his glasses, and yes, he needs a mom who will faithfully train and discipline him in the way of righteousness.  But I pray that God will also help me to be a mom who responds graciously to his sin and displays for him the grace of God as shown at the cross of Jesus.  May he see Jesus when he looks at me, and may God use that in his heart to lead him to repentance.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24