Reflections on Feeding

When I look at my chubby little boy who tips the scales at a whopping 29 pounds, I am brought to my knees as I thank God for the work He has done in Wesley's body and the wisdom He has given to us as parents and to Wesley's doctors over the past two years.

How can my hefty little boy be the same boy who was failing to thrive for the first month of his life?  How can my Wesley who guzzles down his entire drink in less than a minute be the same kid whose suck was so weak he couldn't even nurse and it took him 40 minutes to drink two ounces from a bottle?  Can it really be that my little boy whose severe reflux caused him spit up so much of what he ate for the first year of his life is now keeping EVERYTHING down?  God has truly worked a miracle in Wesley's life.

Reflecting back on the first six months of Wesley's life brings tears to my eyes as I remember how scary those days were.  I remember begging God for wisdom to know how to care for my baby.

Wesley never lost weight because of his difficulty eating and his spitting/throwing up, although I have no idea why.  I remember that he would regularly spit-up up to 20 times between meals.  His clothes, burp cloths and blankets would always be soaked.  After just one spit up, his bib would be completely soaked through, so bibs were worthless.  I remember I always held him facing out so that when he spit up it would splat on the floor rather than covering me.  He also had blood in his stool, which was confirmation to us that something was wrong. He fought eating - screaming and flailing and turning his head as we would hold him in a sitting position against us to keep him upright and do our best to shove a bottle in his mouth. (Since he was never able to nurse, we had to feed him via bottle.  Although, bottle feeding did give us the ability to feed him upright, so for that I am grateful.)

While I am very grateful for the medical profession, and Wesley has benefited significantly from many surgeries and procedures, I also learned through trial and error that the medical profession doesn't know everything, and they don't always get things right.  I found very quickly with Wesley that many doctors are ignorant when it comes to how food affects GI issues.  I even received erroneous information from several GI doctors as we pursued care for Wesley.

So, after much prayer and consideration, I decided to go on an elimination diet when Wesley was 5 months old, eliminating all allergens from my diet along with many other foods that can be difficult to digest.  It was a drastic and very difficult step to take, but Mike and I felt that it was our best option if we were to ever identify what was bothering Wesley and how we could best help him.  My doctors were skeptical, as they had never heard of it before and felt that it was unnecessary, but nothing they were doing was seeming to help.  Since several of my friends had seen radical changes in their kids when they followed this diet, I decided to do it anyway.  After a week or so, the blood in Wesley's stool disappeared, and after 4-5 weeks I began to see a decrease in his spit up.  It was not a huge decrease, but it was there nonetheless.  Over the course of 6 months, I slowly added back in foods until it seemed that dairy was the main culprit for Wesley's reflux.

During this time we also had an upper GI scope done on Wesley to confirm that he had no physical deformities in his esophagus that might be causing his reflux.  They found none, which was both a relief that nothing huge was wrong and a disappointment that doctors still had no idea what was wrong (other than beginning to suspect an allergy/intolerance to protein).

When Wesley was 11 months old, after consulting Wesley's GI doctor and several nutritionists, I decided to wean Wesley to soy formula, because the protein in breast milk is similar to the protein in cow's milk, and Wesley's GI told me that it seemed that Wesley was allergic to the protein.  Sure enough, within a week of weaning him, his spit up decreased substantially.  He still spit up a lot, but not massive quantities all day long.  I still wonder if a weak esophageal sphincter had a lot to do with his continued spit up.  Then when Wesley was 18 months old or so, I switched from soy milk to a mix of soy and rice milk. Once he was getting more rice and less soy, his spit up almost disappeared (because the protein in soy milk is also similar to that of dairy).  Of course, this left us with concerns about fat intake until we were introduced to coconut milk a few months ago.  It has been a lifesaver!  Wesley now gets the fat he needs and very rarely spits up as long as he is on Prevacid.

As I look at how God has transformed my little boy, I am reminded of Colossians 1:16-18, which says that God created all things and in Him all things hold together.  That includes Wesley.  Even when it felt like I had no idea what to do and everything was spiraling downward with no answers, God was faithful uphold Wesley, the precious boy he had created.

And as Mike and I begged God for wisdom and clung to the promise in James 1 that God generously gives wisdom to those who lack it and ask Him in faith, God was faithful to answer His promise.  God DID give us the wisdom that we needed to care for our son.  And He did this both because He loves us and because He loves Wesley even more than we do.

Reflecting on the changes in Wesley's body and gut over the past two years, it is clear to me that the work God has done in him is nothing short of miraculous.  I have been reminded time and time again over the past two years that I am not in control of Wesley's life.  There is nothing that I can do to hold his life together.  But God, in his lovingkindness and mercy, has not only upheld Wesley's life, but laid His hand of healing on Wesley's gut, enabling him to thrive and grow strong.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-5