God Exists

And without faith it is impossible to please him,

for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists

and that he rewards those who seek him.

Hebrews 11:6

So often I live as if God does not exist. I struggle through many days in my own strength, rushing from one doctor's appointment to another, hurrying home for the umpteenth therapy session of the week, squeezing in time to read a book to Zach before the next item on the schedule, feeding the boys, feeling remorse for the times I responded impatiently to Zach rather than patiently training and instructing him, and feeling guilty for all the things I should have done that day that I didn't get to (therapy with Wesley, preschool with Zach, play time with the boys, etc...). It's as if I believe that it is up to me to provide the best care for my children and that their success in life and eternal salvation is fully dependent on me. Praise the Lord that this is not true!

When I cut God out of the picture and attempt to do everything in my own strength, I often find myself fearful of the future, angry at my children, and overwhelmed by my circumstances. I am depriving myself of the joy of knowing God and fellowshipping with him. God has given me these children, and God will also give me the grace to raise them as they need to be raised. He WILL help me! He has promised that he will reward me if I cry out to him and diligently seek him.

Over the past 18 months, the Lord has already begun to give me a taste of his precious reward. The fellowship of knowing God and seeing more of who he is (his great love for us shown most clearly by the death of his Son for our sins & his sovereign care over every moment of our lives) as I have cried out to him and sought him in these trials, is a priceless and precious reward.