He Knows and He Cares

This past month, the weight of grief has been heavy on my heart. As I have looked at the suffering around me and grieved deeply with dear friends, two verses have brought me much comfort in the midst of my tears and sorrow.

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Isaiah 53:4a

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 

God is near to us when our hearts are broken. He saves us - saves our souls - when our souls are crushed under the weight of our grief and sorrow. And not only is God near to us in the midst of our brokenness, but he knows and understands our griefs and sorrows. Jesus himself bore them when he was pierced for our transgressions. We can feel like we are so very alone when we are grieving. Even when others are with us, we can feel as if they don't understand. But we are never alone. God is with us. Even when we don't feel that he is there, he is. And he understands. What a comfort it is to know that God understands our grief and our sorrow, and he understands it because he has borne this exact same sorrow and grief that we are bearing. He knows it perfectly.

In Isaiah 46:3-4, God says: "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save." 

God created every intricate detail of each one of us with the specific strengths and weaknesses that we have, and he has put us in communities with other people around us who also have strengths and weaknesses. And God has promised us that he who created us just the way we are will be faithful to us all the way to the end. His steadfast love toward us will never cease. His mercies freely given to us will never come to an end. He has made us, and he will bear our burdens with us - the burdens of disabilities, depression, physical ailments, financial need, broken families, and the death of loved ones. We will never walk alone. He will carry us. And one day, he will ultimately save us for all of eternity. One day there will be no more tears and no more grief and suffering. One day we will see Jesus face to face and all things will be made right. Oh glorious day!

And until that day, let us never forget that God hears our cries for help. God hears our groaning and weeping and grief. He sees our suffering. And he knows. He understands. He cares. He will never leave us or forsake us. Great is his faithfulness to us!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made: Explaining Disabilties To Children

Yesterday I was given the opportunity to go into Zach's school and talk with the elementary school students about disabilities. As I talked with these young students, I thanked God for giving them the opportunity to begin learning at a young age about His good plan, even in disability. 

Here is what I shared:

I am here today to talk about people. All of us, as people, are created by God. And one of the things we know about God is that, as the creator of the universe, He is creative. He loves to create things that are beautiful and unique – things that when we look at them, we will be amazed at their beauty and respond by worshiping and praising the God who created them.

People are the capstone of God’s creation. After God created everything else, He created people. And He created us in His very own image, so that we would display and communicate what He is like and how great He is. Every single person is created in the image of God. God also created every single person to be unique – different from every other person. God creates some people to be tall and some people to be short, some people to have straight hair and some to have curly hair, some people to have darker skin while others have lighter skin, some people to be really good at sports and other people to have a talent for music or art, some people to love math and understand it quickly while others struggle through their math but love to read. God creates us all differently, and our differences are all beautiful to Him. God never makes mistakes in what He creates. In Psalm 139:13-14a it says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Sometimes our differences don’t seem very big. But other times, we can see the differences in people right away. God creates some people with disabilities. A disability is something that causes a person to not have the ability to do something in the same way that most people can do it. Some disabilities are physical, like blindness or the inability to walk. Other disabilities are cognitive, which means that they affect the mind. Cognitive disabilities affect what a person understands and how fast they can think through information. People with cognitive disabilities have a harder time learning things, and it takes them longer to learn to do something than it might take you or me. Disabilities can also affect the senses and cause people to be very bothered by loud sounds, bright lights, things touching them, tastes or textures of foods, and strong smells. Sometimes people are born with disabilities, like a baby that is born without eyes. Other times, people become disabled later in their lives from accidents or illnesses, like a soldier who loses their leg in a war.

A phrase we often use to describe people with disabilities is “special needs”. When we say that a person has special needs, what we mean is that along with having the same needs that other people have, a person with a disability also has needs that are special and unique to them. They need extra help for them to do ordinary things in life. For example, a person who cannot walk might need a wheelchair or a walker. And they will need ramps to get into buildings with stairs and elevators to get from floor to floor in a building. A person with cognitive delays might need extra help from teachers in school to help them learn to read or learn new math skills. They might need therapy to help them to speak clearly or write neatly. When a person with special needs goes to therapy, a therapist who is specially trained in teaching specific things will work with them 1-on-1 to help them learn to the best of their abilities. A person with cognitive and physical delays might even need therapy to help them learn to walk, eat, and talk.

When we see a person with a disability, it is easy to just notice their differences – how they don’t walk like us or talk like us or even look like us. It is easy to see what they can’t do, or to notice the things that they do that are different. We can think that they are strange. Sometimes people with disabilities make noises that we can think sound strange or even funny. Sometimes people with special needs are loud when others know it is time to be quiet. Sometimes a person with a disability moves their body differently than you move yours. But it is important to remember that God has a special plan for their lives just like he does for ours. Just because they are different doesn’t mean that they are wrong or broken. It just means that they are different. God doesn’t make any mistakes. He created people with special needs fearfully and wonderfully just like He created each one of us.

Every single person that God has created is fearfully and wonderfully made. This includes people that are our friends and people whose differences annoy us or even scare us. Because God created everyone, and everyone is created in His image, He instructs us to love those around us and to be kind to them. When we are unkind or unloving to the people around us, we are being unkind and unloving to those who are created in the very image of God.

But sometimes it is hard to know how to be kind to people with disabilities. Sometimes we don’t know what to say or do. So what does it look like to befriend a person with a disability? One thing to remember is that people with disabilities are still people, just like us. A person with special needs wants to be loved, just like you want to be loved. People with disabilities want to be included and have friends, just like you do. People with disabilities want to be welcomed and appreciated just for who they are. Doesn’t that sound like something you want? So, when you notice someone with a disability, it is ok to look. We all notice when people are different from us. But as you are looking, remember a time when you were a new person somewhere, or when you were different from the people around you. How did you want to be treated? Did you want to be welcomed? Did you want to see a friendly face? People with disabilities want the same thing.

So, the next time you see someone with a disability, you can smile at them. You can go over and say hi. If you’re playing a game of basketball and someone in a wheelchair is watching, invite them to play. They may not be able to play the same way that you play, but you might be surprised at what they can do! If you are playing with friends at the park and you notice someone with special needs watching, invite them to join you. They might not be able to keep up, and they might not exactly understand how to play, but they will be so happy that you asked. And when you talk to people with cognitive special needs, be patient. Sometimes it may take someone with special needs longer to think about what they want to say, or it might be harder for them to get the actual words out. Sometimes you might have a hard time understanding what they are saying. Sometimes they might have a hard time making eye contact while they talk to you. But remember that they are a person, just like you, and remember to love them and respect them by listening just like you want to be respected and listened to when you are talking. Sometimes a person with a disability might not react the same way you would, and they might not be the same kind of friend that you would be. But they can still be a good friend.

As you are kind to people with special needs and get to know them, I think you will find that God has given people with disabilities special gifts too. There are lots of things that we can learn from people with disabilities. The people that I know with special needs are some of the most diligent, hard-working, and joyful people I have ever met. Because things are not easy for them, they have learned to not give up when things are hard.

My friend Amy, who struggles to move her body and has a special motorized wheel chair to get around, sets an example for me of what it looks like to be thankful in all circumstances. There are lots of things that she cannot do. But she is always cheerful, and she thanks God for all of the blessings and gifts He has given to her. Instead of taking life for granted, or complaining about the things she is unable to do, Amy is thankful for all of the little things in life that God gives her – all of the little things that you and I often forget to even notice.

My son Wesley, who has a cognitive disability that affects his mind, works harder than anyone I know. In addition to school, he works for hours every day on things that might come naturally to you or me. He doesn’t quit when something is too hard. He keeps trying, time after time after time, until he finally figures it out. And then, once he does learn how to do something, he rejoices. He is so proud of himself that he wants everyone to know what he can do so that we can all join in celebrating with him. Often, it is easy to just move on to the next thing once we have accomplished something, but Wesley reminds me daily that we ought to slow down and celebrate. Everything that we have comes from God, and everything that we learn to do is a gift from God. So let’s stop and celebrate and thank God for his gifts to us each day!

My son Wesley also sets an example of what it looks like to be a good friend. He is quick to forgive, not holding a grudge against people who have been unkind to him. He loves his friends with all of his heart, greeting them with big smiles and cheerful words. He welcomes his friends joyfully and affectionately. In this way, I want to become more like Wesley – a friend who makes others feel welcomed and loved when they are around me.

Because we are all created by God in His image, we are all precious to God. We are all people who reflect a bit of God in our lives just by being who God made us to be. And God loves us just the way we are. He never intended for us to all be the same, and He has a different and special plan for each one of our lives. Part of His plan for our lives includes being kind to those around us and loving them just as God loves us.

Now we have some time where I can answer questions. Does anyone have any questions about disabilities, what God thinks of disabilities, or how we can love people with disabilities?

Waiting

Most of our lives are spent waiting.

Abraham waited twenty-five years from the time God promised him that the whole earth would be blessed through him until the time that his son Isaac was born.

The Israelites waited 400 years until God sent Moses to deliver them out of Egypt.

The Jews waited another 400 years for God to speak to them after Malachi, the last prophet, prophesied the coming of John the Baptist.

And now, we wait too. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for God to act, to move, to show us that He is there, that He cares, and that He is mighty to save.

So in the midst of our waiting, how do we not lose heart?

We must believe that God is faithful. He will do all that He has promised. 

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

"...I am watching over my word to perform it." Jeremiah 1:12

God is at work. Every word that He has promised, He will watch over to make sure that it comes to pass. He knows the perfect timing for His promises to be fulfilled. We can feel like God is not listening to our requests, or that He doesn't care about our needs. We question his love for us and demand proof in the form of signs and wonders. But these demands only show the state of our own hearts, like a child demanding that their parent buy them a set of Legos at the store and insisting that a refusal of such a demand is proof their parents do not love them, all the while not knowing that their parents have been saving up to give them a big, extra-special Lego set for their birthday. Just as the child does not know the plans of his parents and the good gift they have for him, so we don't know the Lord's plans for us. What we do know is what He says in His word: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11

To not lose heart, we must believe that these words are true. We must not insist that God show his love for us by answering our prayers in specific ways but instead trust His loving hand. God's plans for us are for our good. And He is faithful. He will do all that He has promised.

We must remember what we are waiting for.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:3-4

Here on earth, we will face trials and suffering. Things will not go perfectly. Children will die; hard-working parents will lose their jobs; relationships will struggle; people will suffer with disabilities, depression, pain, sorrow, and grief; we will muddle through the thorns and thistles of this life, slogging along and feeling as if we will never reach the end of the race. At times it will seem as if God doesn't care. Doesn't he see that we are wasting away? If so, what is He going to do about it?

As we look to God, wondering if He sees our suffering, and if so, if he even cares, we must remember that this world is not our home. This lifetime is not the end. Jesus even said to his disciples, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

This is our hope! Jesus has overcome the world! He is coming again! And He is coming to get us! The things that we see, the here and now - these things are transient. They will come to an

end. Our hope is in what we don't see. Jesus. He is eternal. And He will one day restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us for all eternity. He will dwell with us, wiping away every tear from our eyes. One day, there will be no more disability, no more depression, no more grief, no more pain, no more suffering!

When we set our hope on that day, trusting God's promise that it is coming, this strengthens our hearts to wait for Jesus with a hope that will not disappoint.

Star Student

Wesley was Star Student at school this week, which gave me the opportunity to go into his class on Thursday and share with his classmates more about who he is, what he likes, and why he is who he is. Earlier this fall, Courtney at Pudge and Biggs shared a book she wrote to introduce her daughter with Down syndrome to her new kindergarten class. I loved the simplicity of the text and the appeal to kindergartners, so I based quite a bit of what I shared with Wesley's class off of her book.

Before sharing with Wesley's class, I prayed that God would help me to present Wesley clearly to the class in a way that his classmates could understand, and that God would give them a heart to love Wesley.  Here is what I shared:

Wesley is in kindergarten.
He wears a backpack and eats a sack lunch.
He has a desk and a chair that are just for him.
Maybe that sounds like you.

Wesley likes to play with his brothers.
He builds lots of things with legos - especially towers and carousels.
He loves to play the piano, sing, and dance.
His favorite place to be is outside - playing soccer, swimming, and playing on the playground.
Maybe you enjoy doing these things too.

Wesley's favorite foods are noodles, hot dogs, sandwiches, bananas, and goldfish.
He loves to eat french fries at McDonalds and play in the playland.
Maybe you like some of these foods too.

Wesley has brown eyes.
He has straight hair and wears glasses.
He has a big smile and no loose teeth yet.
Maybe he looks like you.

Wesley has special needs.
Maybe those words are something new.

Wesley is not sick.
He is not hurting and he is not a baby.
He wants to be treated like a kindergartner.
Maybe you want to be treated that way too.

Wesley has a hard time saying words.
He has a hard time understanding what other people are saying to him.
He might have a hard time sitting still.
Maybe wiggling is something you sometimes do.

Wesley can still be a good friend.
He can play games and climb and run.
He can laugh and share and jump and dance.
Maybe he'll do some of those things with you.

Wesley is in kindergarten.
He knows the alphabet and rides the bus.
He is so happy he can share Mrs. ***** with you.
Maybe you are too.

Sweeter than Honey

Two and a half years ago, as a mom of a newborn baby, a two year old with special needs, and a rambunctious preschooler, I sat in church on the first Sunday morning of 2012, not knowing that God would use this day to do a powerful work in my heart. That morning, our church introduced a new Bible memory plan, encouraging each church member to join together in memorizing a verse each week from the Desiring God Fighter Verses collection. I had been praying that the Lord would give me discernment to know how to read His Word that year, as I was sleep deprived, my time was limited, and my mind was mush. When I first heard about this memory plan, I immediately thought that this was the perfect plan for me.  One verse a week – I could do that! So, I committed to memorizing the fighter verses each week in 2012, thinking that this would be a simple way to meditate on God’s word in the midst of the busyness of life. Little did I know what the Lord had in store for me.

Looking back several years later, I can clearly say that God orchestrated this event to prepare me for the hardest years of my life. In these years I have received heart breaking diagnoses for my children, watched as my husband has suffered more deeply than I could have imagined possible, and had my faith strongly tested.  During these times, I have often been stretched so thin that my mind has struggled to hold together everything necessary for daily living. In the process of making sure that all my children have been fed, clothed, arrived to school and countless therapies and doctor’s appointments on time, while also carrying the weight of heavy burdens, I have experienced what it is like for a brain to go into survival mode. During long stretches of time, my mind has been physically unable to understand and soak in the prayers of others, the kind emails of encouragement, the sermons on Sunday mornings, and the Scriptures I read each morning. It has been as if what goes in one ear (or eye), finds that there is no room to stay and promptly exits the other ear.

But in the midst of these trying circumstances, I have found that God has used the Scriptures I have memorized and meditated on to sustain me and remind me of His steadfast love and faithfulness. His words have upheld me as I have clung to His promises. When all around my soul has given way, I have found that He has been my help, my sustainer, my shelter, my refuge, my life. As the old hymn says, as I have stayed my mind and my heart on the Lord and His promises, I have found perfect peace and rest. As I have trusted Him wholly, I have found Him to be wholly true.

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.” Psalm 119:7-11

After several years of memorizing and meditating on Scripture, I can say with confidence that these words from Psalm 119 are true. During times when I have been unable to recall the words of others or even the words from the Bible that I have read, the Lord has been faithful to consistently bring Scriptures that I have memorized to mind, reviving my soul. On days when I have desperately cried out for wisdom, God’s word has flooded my mind, granting me wisdom and enlightening my eyes. At my darkest and most fearful moments, God’s promises in His Word have brought joy and hope to my heart. Many days, when my soul has been cast down, the Lord has lifted me up and set my feet on the rock by reminding me of His promises that I have hidden in my heart. As I have recalled who He is and what He has promised, hope has again filled my heart that He will give me His strength to keep going, keep fighting for my husband, keep caring for my boys, and keep doing all that He has called me to do.

Because I have always struggled with long-term memory, soon into my Bible memory plan I decided to spend one day each week reviewing all of the verses I had memorized so far. Over the course of the last two years, I can say that the times I have spent reciting verses have been some of my sweetest times with the Lord. As I have meditated on promise after promise, I have found that the Lord has used those times to encourage and give life to my soul. One day last fall, in the midst of a particularly painful season, I sat down to write a short list of promises I could cling to. As I wrote, verse after verse flooded to my mind, with promise after promise breathing new hope into my heart.

• The Lord is with me wherever I go. 
• He gives me strong support. 
• He upholds my hand. 
• He blots out my transgressions for His own sake and will not remember my sins. 
• If the Lord wills, we will live and will do this or that. 
• Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. 
• His way is perfect. 
• He is a shield for me as I take refuge in Him. 
• His peace will guard my heart in Christ Jesus. 
• He is my salvation. 
• Even to gray hairs, He will carry me. 
• He has made and He will bear; He will carry and will save. 
• God’s plans for me are for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope. 
• Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. 
• His anger is for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime.
• Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

And the list goes on and on. Just in the past three weeks, as things have become more difficult again, God’s promises from Psalm 27 have breathed fresh life into me. As I cling to the promise that the Lord is the stronghold of my life, I am reminded that my heart has no reason to fear. The Lord has hidden me, and will continue to hide me, in His shelter in the time of trouble. “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

As I have hidden God’s word in my heart, I have found time and time again that His promise that His word does not return void is absolutely true. His Word has taken hold in my heart. It has changed me and is continuing to change me. By God’s grace, God has used His Word to give me hope when life seems hopeless, joy when there is nothing to be happy about, strength when all around me gives way, trust in Him even when darkness hides His face, and a strong belief that He truly is faithful and His steadfast love endures forever.

I am not writing these words as a story about me and what I have done.  This is a story about God and what He has done. This is a testimony of how God has used the memorization of His Word to do a powerful work in my heart. The discipline of memorization is not always easy. Some days I just want to be lazy and read Facebook or listen to the radio rather than doing the hard work of memorizing a verse. Other days, my heart is cold, and I go through the review of verses without even thinking about the truths within them. But more often than not, God uses the discipline of memorization to awaken within my heart a longing to know Him more, a desire to praise Him, and a peace and joy that surpass all understanding as I rest in His promises.

“How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Psalm 119:103

Indispensable

Last fall I wrote this letter to publicly thank Wesley's one-on-one helpers at church, and with the beginning of a new school year, I thought it appropriate to share it again:

What you do each Sunday may not seem like much. You show up to the 3s and 4s class and play with a sweet little boy, helping him to participate in Sunday School and reminding him how to act appropriately. It may feel like what you are doing is unimportant or that it goes unnoticed. But in working with Wesley each Sunday, you are serving the least of these. You are enabling him to participate in Sunday School, and you are blessing us, his family, by making it possible to attend church each Sunday. You may not know this, but most families who have a family member with a disability don't attend church at all, because it is just too difficult. Because of what you do, you are giving our family the gift of not being a part of this statistic. Your care for Wesley blesses our entire family each and every Sunday.

1 Corinthians 12:18-23 says, "God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor."

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, indispensable means "Not subject to being set aside or neglected; absolutely necessary; essential."

Our son is a five year old with a disability, but yet he is indispensable to the congregation of Redeemer Community Church. He is absolutely necessary to the body of Christ. And what you do each Sunday is actively ensure that he is not set aside or neglected.

You may not get much praise for what you do. In fact, most people may never know the ways you serve so selflessly each and every Sunday. But our Heavenly Father sees. And I am certain that your care for Wesley is pleasing in His sight. What you do for the least of these, you are doing for Him.

We can never thank you enough, but we pray that you know God's pleasure each Sunday as you care for our son, a boy made in the image of God.

New Beginnings

Last Wednesday was a day of new beginnings for us. Both Zach and Wesley started their first day of this school year at new schools. While there was much apprehension on my part, a few nervous jitters in Zach’s stomach, and confusion in Wesley’s sweet little mind as to why things were different and what was happening, it brings me much joy to say that the first week of school has been a raging success.

Wesley’s kindergarten team has labored tirelessly to give him the best chance of success, and we have been so blessed by their collaboration and their sweet care of our precious son. While Wesley’s first week of school has not gone without hiccups, the open communication between us and his school and their obvious desire to provide the best possible education for him have made it all worthwhile. We are very excited about all that the Lord has in store for him this year.

Due to schedule conflicts with Wesley’s elementary school, Zach also transitioned to a new private school this fall. We were all a bit anxious about how easy the transition would be, so I have been thankful to hear his excitement at the end of each day. Zach loves the new uniforms, is thrilled to have his new school’s magnet on the back of our van (removing our old school’s magnet this summer was a sad moment for him), and has been blessed with a very sweet second grade teacher.

Every year, my prayer for my boys is that God will grant them favor with their teachers (and in Wesley’s case, teacher’s assistants, therapists, and school administrators) and classmates and bless them with one good friend. While I do not know what the future will hold, it is encouraging to me to see this year off to a great start.

And of course, this year includes new beginnings for Liam as well. This will be his first year with Mommy to himself. I think this will be a good year for us!