Two and a half years ago, as a mom of a newborn baby, a two
year old with special needs, and a rambunctious preschooler, I sat in church on
the first Sunday morning of 2012, not knowing that God would use this day to do a powerful work in my heart. That morning, our church introduced a new Bible memory plan, encouraging
each church member to join together in memorizing a verse each week from the
Desiring God Fighter Verses collection. I had been praying that the Lord would
give me discernment to know how to read His Word that year, as I was sleep
deprived, my time was limited, and my mind was mush. When I first heard about
this memory plan, I immediately thought that this was the perfect plan for
me. One verse a week – I could do that!
So, I committed to memorizing the fighter verses each week in 2012, thinking
that this would be a simple way to meditate on God’s word in the midst of the
busyness of life. Little did I know what the Lord had in store for me.
Looking back several years later, I can clearly say
that God orchestrated this event to prepare me for the hardest years of my life. In these years I have received heart breaking
diagnoses for my children, watched as my husband has suffered more deeply than
I could have imagined possible, and had my faith strongly tested. During these times, I have often been
stretched so thin that my mind has struggled to hold together everything necessary
for daily living. In the process of making sure that all my children have been
fed, clothed, arrived to school and countless therapies and doctor’s
appointments on time, while also carrying the weight of heavy burdens, I have
experienced what it is like for a brain to go into survival mode. During long
stretches of time, my mind has been physically unable to understand and soak in
the prayers of others, the kind emails of encouragement, the sermons on Sunday
mornings, and the Scriptures I read each morning. It has been as if what goes in one ear (or
eye), finds that there is no room to stay and promptly exits the other ear.
But in the midst of these trying circumstances,
I have found that God has used the Scriptures I have memorized and meditated on
to sustain me and remind me of His steadfast love and faithfulness. His words
have upheld me as I have clung to His promises. When all around my soul has
given way, I have found that He has been my help, my sustainer, my shelter, my refuge,
my life. As the old hymn says, as I have stayed my mind and my heart on the Lord
and His promises, I have found perfect peace and rest. As I have trusted Him
wholly, I have found Him to be wholly true.
“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of
the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the
eyes; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be
desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and
drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in
keeping them there is great reward.” Psalm 119:7-11
After several years of
memorizing and meditating on Scripture, I can say with confidence that
these words from Psalm 119 are true. During times when I have been unable to
recall the words of others or even the words from the Bible that I have read, the Lord
has been faithful to consistently bring Scriptures that I have memorized to mind,
reviving my soul. On days when I have desperately cried out for wisdom, God’s
word has flooded my mind, granting me wisdom and enlightening my eyes. At my
darkest and most fearful moments, God’s promises in His Word have brought joy and
hope to my heart. Many days, when my soul has been cast down, the Lord has lifted
me up and set my feet on the rock by reminding me of His promises that I have hidden in my heart.
As I have recalled who He is and what He has promised, hope has again filled my
heart that He will give me His strength to keep going, keep fighting for my
husband, keep caring for my boys, and keep doing all that He has called me to
do.
Because I have always struggled
with long-term memory, soon into my Bible memory plan I decided to spend one
day each week reviewing all of the verses I had memorized so far. Over the
course of the last two years, I can say that the times I have spent reciting verses
have been some of my sweetest times with the Lord. As I have meditated on
promise after promise, I have found that the Lord has used those times to
encourage and give life to my soul. One day last fall, in the midst of a particularly
painful season, I sat down to write a short list of promises I could cling to.
As I wrote, verse after verse flooded to my mind, with promise after promise
breathing new hope into my heart.
- The Lord is with me wherever I go.
- He gives me strong support.
- He upholds my hand.
- He blots out my transgressions for His own sake and will not remember my sins.
- If the Lord wills, we will live and will do this or that.
- Jesus came to seek and to save the lost.
- His way is perfect.
- He is a shield for me as I take refuge in Him.
- His peace will guard my heart in Christ Jesus.
- He is my salvation.
- Even to gray hairs, He will carry me.
- He has made and He will bear; He will carry and will save.
- God’s plans for me are for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope.
- Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
- His anger is for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime.
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
And the list goes on and on. Just
in the past three weeks, as things have become more difficult again, God’s promises
from Psalm 27 have breathed fresh life into me. As I cling to the promise that
the Lord is the stronghold of my life, I am reminded that my heart has no reason to fear. The Lord has hidden
me, and will continue to hide me, in His shelter in the time of trouble. “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness
of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let
your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
As I have hidden God’s word in my
heart, I have found time and time again that His promise that His word does not
return void is absolutely true. His Word has taken hold in my heart. It has
changed me and is continuing to change me. By God’s grace, God has used His
Word to give me hope when life seems hopeless, joy when there is nothing to be
happy about, strength when all around me gives way, trust in Him even when
darkness hides His face, and a strong belief that He truly is faithful and His
steadfast love endures forever.
“How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
Psalm 119:103
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