Is God A Refuge From Suffering?

This post is part of a series.  Click on the following link to read Part 1.

The other day I was reading Psalm 91 again, which begins like this:  "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.'"  At the risk of sounding heretical, I would say that at first glance, almost every word in the Psalm following this statement appears to be untrue.

It says that "he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence", but we are not always delivered.  I have not been delivered.

It says that "a thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you."  But it has come near me.  The pestilence that stalks in darkness has found our family.  The destruction that wastes at noonday is wasting us away.

The psalmist says, "because you have made the Lord your dwelling place - the Most High, who is my refuge - no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent."  This simply is not true.  Evil does befall those who find their refuge in the Lord, and plagues not only come near their tents, but enter their homes and threaten to destroy their families.

So then, if God's Word is true, what do these verses mean?

Half way through Psalm 91, the psalmist says, "For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.  On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone."  In the beginning of Jesus' ministry, Satan used these very words to tempt Him.  His response should open our eyes to the fact that perhaps we are not understanding the true meaning of the words in this Psalm.  Jesus did not claim these words for Himself, calling thousands of angels to His side to protect Him from harm.  He could have.  Instead, His own life set an example for us of what it truly means to find our refuge in the Lord.

Jesus embraced the path of suffering.  His foot did strike against the stones.  In fact, his whole body was crushed as He was brutally murdered for sins He did not commit.  Even His own Father turned away from Him.

What then did it mean for Jesus to find refuge in God, His Father, as He suffered more than you or I ever will?

Is God Our Refuge?

According to Psalm 46, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

If this is true, then how do we answer the person who says that the term refuge needs to be more clearly defined, because either they were wrong their entire life about what they thought it meant, or they are an exception to the statement that God has always proven to be a refuge to those who turn to Him?

What does it look like for us to find the Lord to be our refuge even when everything is going wrong despite the fact that we are coming to Him (or at least were going to Him) for help?

What does it even mean that God is our refuge? What does this mean that He is or does for us in the midst of never ending trials where He seems to be showing that He is not good?

These questions have been on my heart lately, and I plan to write more about this topic in the coming weeks.

Questions and Answers

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Wesley's verbal communication skills are suddenly exploding.  He regularly puts together two word phrases with ease.  This continues to amaze us as we know how difficult it is for him to put together the motor plan for this.  For example, just this week I handed him his baby burp cloth, which he loves to hold while sucking his thumb, and he started jabbering excitedly.  At first I just assumed he was babbling to himself, but eventually it dawned on me that he was talking to me!  I started listening, and he kept patting his burp cloth and saying "yellow burp!".  As soon as I responded with, "Yes, Wesley. That is your yellow burp.  Good job!", he gave me a huge smile and laughed.  He was so proud of himself for telling me this fact.  Likewise, I was proud of him for multiple reasons.  He noticed the color, identified it correctly, and named it verbally.  In addition, he put two words (three syllables) together to tell me what he had observed.  This is no small feat for my boy.

Wesley has also discovered a fun new game, which he calls "Rock Baby".  In an effort to entertain him one difficult evening, I took him in my arms and sang Rock-a-bye Baby, hanging him upside down and tickling him when the baby falls.  This has become a new favorite of his, and he regularly sits next to me, earnestly saying "Rock Baby" with a look of expectation in his eyes.  Whenever the game starts to get old to me (usually after the 10th time in a row singing it), I remember how beautiful the words "Rock Baby" are as they come from his lips, and I laugh with him as I sing it again.

Then a few days ago I had a conversation with my precious son that I never dreamed would be possible for years.  I asked him questions, and he answered them.  He didn't just smile at me in response.  He didn't repeat the last word of my question as he often does.  He didn't wait for my response so that he could imitate it.  He answered my questions with no prompting!  I cannot even begin to articulate how impossible this is for him.  But yet, he did it! God is at work in my little boy, and there is no denying it.  Mountains are moving in this little boy's life.

Our conversation began when I heard Liam screaming and ran into the room to discover Wesley hitting him. I quickly pulled Wesley away from his brother and looked him in the eye, saying "What did Wesley just do to Liam?"  Much to my surprise, Wesley responded, "Hit".  I then shook my head while asking, "Is it kind of Wesley to hit Liam?"  Wesley looked deeply into my eyes and said "no".  Then, fighting back tears of joy, I asked Wesley "What should Wesley say to Liam?"  When Wesley responded by looking toward Liam and saying "Sorry" with a mournful voice, it was almost more than I could believe.  As I drew my son close and hugged him, I was struck with awe as I saw how the Lord is working in his mind and his heart.

Wesley, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and your heavenly Father is performing wonderful works in you right now.  My soul knows it very well.  I don't know what His plan is for your life.  I don't know how long this amazing burst of growth will continue.  But I do know God has a perfect plan for your life, and He will fulfill his purpose for you.  And along the way, He is using you to show the radiance of His glory to all who are looking.

Friends

One of my greatest joys is watching my two little boys become friends.  Wesley rarely notices other children, and especially children smaller than he is, so I expected things to play out similarly at home.  Much to my surprise, Wesley not only notices his younger brother, but actually even likes him.

At snack time, Liam follows Wesley around the house, hoping he will share.  Usually at some point along the way, Wesley spills his snack and they sit down on the floor to share it together. It warms my heart to watch them smiling at each other as they sit next to one another and shovel snacks into their little mouths as fast as they can.  They must already be learning that the faster you eat, the more you get.

When Wesley wants to play the piano, he does everything in his power to coax Liam over to the piano to play with him.  Then once he's over there, Wesley calls me over to lift Liam onto the bench next to him so that they can sit together.  The boys love to play the piano together and will giggle and laugh as they play.  But Wesley also enjoys watching Liam play the piano and will often just sit next to him and watch him curiously as he bangs away.

I regularly hear Wesley and Liam giggling together in the car as they imitate each other and then crack up at each other's antics.  They have started doing this at home too, and it brings a smile to my face as I watch them following each other around downstairs and laughing together.

Wesley is so patient with Liam when he swoops in to knock over all of the bowling pins Wesley has painstakingly worked to line up on the carpet.  He just looks at him curiously and then joins in on the fun of knocking them over before starting all over again with the work of setting the pins upright.  I am often shocked by the number of things that Wesley permits Liam to do that would infuriate him if anyone else did them.

Of course, they fight together too.  Liam is very interested in Wesley's stacking cups and communication device, and this results in many quarrels between the two of them.  What this really means is that Liam's curiosity often results in his getting cups ripped out of his hands as he is pushed over by his big brother. I often run in to find Liam screaming as Wesley is quickly gathering all of his favorite toys back together.  But even this is a good thing. In giving Wesley a younger brother, God is giving him the opportunity to learn what it means to share and be kind to those around him in a way he would have never learned with just Zach.

As I watch this friendship blossom between my two little boys, I pray that God will continue to bless it.  I pray that they will grow up to always love each other and be close friends.  I pray this for all three of my boys.  May they be a cord of three strands that is not easily broken.

I Love You

Wesley's bus driver smiled at me as I stepped onto the bus, a twinkle in her eyes.

"I have the most exciting thing to tell you", she said.

"After you got off the bus this morning, as you were waving to Wesley, he said 'I love you!'"

My look must have said it all.  Are you sure you really heard him say that?

She smiled as she said, "You know how you say "I love you" to him each morning as you buckle him in?  Well, he said it back."

She's right.  Every morning I say each word to him and he repeats it back to me.  I.  Love.  You.

This morning it all clicked.  As I waved to him, he told me that he loved me.

I only wish I could have heard it with my own ears.

Self-Initiated Play

There are many wonderful things about this picture of Wesley, as several blog readers pointed out.  It is amazing that he is ignoring the stacking cups (his favorite toy) on the floor.  As well, he is naming out loud the color of each fish that he is going to catch before he catches it.

Did you catch that?  He is naming out loud the color of each fish that he is going to catch before he catches it!  That, my friends, is something I never would have guessed he could have done at the age of three and a half.

Even more than that, he not only caught each fish, but he also put them all back in afterward.  That is an even more difficult task to complete, since it requires detailed fine motor work along with matching puzzle piece shapes with no matching pictures on the puzzle board.  The fact that he completed this puzzle without getting distracted and moving on to something else is pretty amazing.

But what is most special to me about this picture is that Wesley initiated doing this activity. We have been working for years to help Wesley learn how to play by himself.  Because he struggles so much with sensory integration problems, unless we are actively playing with him, he is usually seeking sensory stimulation of some kind.  My job as a mom is to do my best to keep up with my other responsibilities along with facilitating play with him as much as possible.  Usually when I leave Wesley's side to attend to a brother, I come back to find he has run off to do a more preferred (and probably sensory related) activity.  So you can imagine my shock when, after pulling down this puzzle and then going to help Liam, I came back to find the puzzle nearly completed.

While I knew that Wesley could play with this puzzle when prompted and kept on task, it was a joy to me to find him enjoying this game of his own volition.

Do You See What I See?

Can you guess what is so amazing about this picture?

What is it about this moment that makes it so special?

I'll give you a hint...it's not that Wesley is able to do this puzzle.