He Cares for Us

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.  And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.  To him be the dominion forever and ever.  Amen.  
1 Peter 5:6-11

The battle lines have been drawn; the strategies are in place.  The results of this war are very real, for our very souls are at stake.

Our adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, and it seems as if at Wesley's birth he identified a family upon whom to pounce.  His desire, more than anything, is to devour our family, destroy our faith, ruin our marriage, lead our children into rebellion against their Savior, and ruin our witness.  He will stop at nothing to accomplish his purposes.

We have been sober-minded.  We have been watchful.  But yet here we lie beneath the extended claws that await God's permission to destroy our very lives.  We fight to resist him, desiring to be firm in our faith but yet trembling in fear and sometimes resigned to the outcome.  We have been made aware of our complete and utter dependence on the Lord for salvation.  For we fight not against flesh and blood.  Against man, we might have a chance of standing, but against the prince of darkness, we tremble feebly.

I often feel like Peter, of whom Jesus said in Luke 22:31, "Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail."

We are most certainly being sifted.  Every blackened speck of our sinful hearts is being shaken to the surface and mixed with sins of each other to create a cesspool that pulls us down as if to drown us as we tenuously grip the line of faith being offered.

Sometimes the promise that the God of all grace has called us to His eternal glory in Christ seems so far off that it doesn't even apply to today's battle.  Where is His grace for today?  The promise that He Himself will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us can feel like a fairy tale ending rather than a firm rock to stand on in this very moment.

But yet, His promise is true.  One day, God will restore to us the years that the locust has eaten. (Joel 2:25)  We may be sowing in tears, but we shall reap with shouts of joy.  As the ESV Study Bible says, "Thus, no matter how long or intense one's suffering may be, it will be short compared to the joys of eternity. Four verbs (restore, confirm, strengthen, establish) remind believers that God will eventually restore whatever they have lost for the sake of Christ. Though suffering will come first, it will be followed by eternal glory.  The God who effectually called believers by his grace will fortify them with his strength, so that they are able to endure to the end."

Praise God that no matter how weak our faith or tenuous our grasp, He will never let us go. He will give us His strength to endure to the end.  And one day, He will restore us.  And He will confirm us.  And He will strengthen us.  And He will establish us.  Forever.

So for now, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19

Brothers & Best Buds

As every younger brother does, Wesley adores his older brother, following him wherever he goes, getting into his stuff, preferring his toys, laughing at his every joke (even when it's not funny), and imitating his every move.

The other evening, the boys went outside to play together.  Just being able to say that brings such joy to my heart.  My boys play together!  I can send them outside without watching Wesley every moment and trust that Zach will keep an eye on him and they will have fun. They enjoy each other's company, and Wesley now understands the concepts of simple games enough that he can join in the fun and take turns.

Anyway, Zach and Wesley went out in the backyard to play ball, and my mommy heart was so touched as I watched them kicking the ball together and chasing it all around the yard. Zach's exuberant yells and encouraging words to Wesley were punctuated by Wesley's gleeful giggles.

One of the things I was most saddened by when we received Wesley's diagnosis was that Zach would not have that same brother bond and friendship with Wesley as he would have had if Wesley were a normally developing child.  While it still hurts at times when I see Zach play with other boys Wesley's age in ways that he can't play with Wesley, I am reminded as I watch the two of them play that Zach isn't disappointed with Wesley.  He doesn't wish that Wesley were different.  This is all that he knows, and he is perfectly content with how things are.  While we have talked with him about Wesley's special needs, Zach does not see Wesley's delays and differences.  He sees Wesley as a person.  As his younger brother.  And he loves him. He encourages him, laughs with him, teaches him how to do things, patiently plays with him, and of course fights with him and yells at him just as all big brothers do.

Zach taking a break while Wesley begs him to come play again.

Zach has learned what it means to share everything and to give of himself without expectation of anything in return.  Consequently, he has seen what a joy it is to share and to receive the gift of a smile from a younger brother who adores and loves him with every bit of his being.

While I don't know what their relationship will look like as they grow up, I am so thankful that God has given my boys to each other.  God has a wonderful plan for each of their lives, and I already see how having each other is one big way that God has blessed each of them.  They will be better for having each other and for walking alongside each other through thick and thin.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

My prayer for my boys is that they will grow up loving one another with patience and kindness, not insisting on their own way.  May Zach never boast arrogantly in his knowledge or be resentful of Wesley, and may Wesley never envy his brother.  May they bear and endure all things together as they walk side by side down the road of life, finding their hope in Jesus, their Savior.

The Miracle of Life

Raising a normally developing baby after a child with special needs has been quite an eye opening experience.

Every day I am filled with fresh amazement and awe as I look at how God has created us as humans and how easily and naturally things come to us.  We have been blessed with the gift of life, and we so often do not realize or even begin to grasp what a gift has been given to us.

I remember thinking when Liam was five and a half months old and nowhere near sitting up, that he was certainly lagging behind and wouldn't be sitting up for months.  Just two weeks later, he started sitting up on his own.  Just like that.  I sat him up, and he stayed there - for five minutes!  We didn't work with him.  We didn't do exercises to strengthen his core for months on end.  He just sat up.

Around this time, I noticed that Liam would pivot around in a circle to reach for toys that he lost.  This floored me.  I remember working on pivoting for what seemed like an eternity with Wesley.*  But it all just came so naturally for Liam.  We did not have to teach him the motor plan for moving and then train his muscles over a length of time.  He just realized that he lost his toy and pivoted to reach it as if it was a simple thing to do.  I, of course, knew better.  As I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I thanked God for giving me the eyes to see what a gift has been given to Liam.  He has been blessed with a body that naturally learns things without struggling to master the motor plan and gain the strength.

Then two weeks later, I looked over at Liam one day and realized he was up on all fours, rocking back and forth.  How could any child possibly go from sitting to rocking on all fours in just two weeks?  This is yet another miracle that we all take for granted.  God did not have to make it so easy for babies to learn things.  But he did.

I comforted myself with the fact that Liam was easygoing and seemed to enjoy sitting and observing his surroundings.  That, coupled with the fact that he had lagged behind in his physical development for the first few months of his life, assured me that it would be a while before he started crawling.

Not so!  Yesterday, just two days after he turned seven months old, Liam started army crawling.  As I watched him push off with his big toes and lunge forward awkwardly, several inches at a time, a priceless expression of delight and anticipation on his face, I fought back tears.  Mike ran for the camera, realizing that if we didn't capture the moment right then, we might miss it forever.  Liam is growing up faster than we can even blink.  Watching his little body and mind develop at lightning speed is awe inspiring.

To think that this is how God has created babies to develop is mind boggling.  Liam's development is nothing special.  He is just doing what babies do.

But Mike and I have been given the unique opportunity of seeing that our children's development is not just something to be expected and assumed.  It is a gift from God.  He did not have to create us to learn so quickly and absorb the world around us at lightning speed. But he did.  Life truly is a miracle.

May we never miss the gifts of God in the midst of the mundane everyday moments of life. May we never take this life for granted.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  Psalm 139:14

* To this day (to date myself), every time I think of working with a baby on pivoting, I think of the FRIENDS episode where Ross yells "Pivot!" over and over again while he and Rachel and Chandler try to carry a couch up a corner staircase.  (I must add that while this show contains humorous moments, as a whole I do not endorse it.)

Joyful Heart

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  Proverbs 17:22

My son, your joyful heart is good medicine to all who know you.  Your constant smiles and laughter often bring life to my bones in the midst of wearying days.  May your heart be always full of joy in the Lord and may He use your joy to lift up and bless those around you.

First Date

I never intended for it to be a date.  I was just trying to get him out of the house for a few hours to give his Daddy a break as he recovered from surgery.  His big brother and I have been going out on dates for two and a half years now, but since he's never expressed interest (how could he?), I've never taken him out.  I mean, it's not like we could sit and chat together over a bowl of ice cream.

As I buckled him into his car seat and drove away, my only thought was for his father.  Even as we arrived at the park and gardens, I wondered how long he would last before desiring to return to the comforts of home. But as it turned out, our afternoon together was delightfully lovely.

With no one to slow us down, we enjoyed exploring the gardens at a rapid pace, running down the paths and scarcely noticing the beautiful flowers alongside us.  We studied the bridges and searched for the trickles of water underneath them, inspected the stones placed beside the walkways, and danced in the fountains.  Always running, just knowing the other was there to share the moment with us, we preferred the paved walkways as they lent themselves to greater speed and less likelihood of falling from unbalanced strides.

When we were thirsty we stopped for a shared apple juice, which hit the spot perfectly.

On the way home, I thanked God for giving me such a perfect first date with my son. Spending time with just him allowed me to enjoy his speed without trying to slow him down to fit the pace of our family.  Instead of constantly encouraging him to stretch his attention span, I explored the park with him at his preferred tempo and found it to be absolutely delightful.

Godliness with Contentment

Lately I have noticed that throughout my days, at those unexpected times when I am desperately in need of God's help to face whatever is at hand, I hear the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit reminding me of the truth in God's Word and encouraging my soul.  This has come as a bit of a surprise to me, as I have felt dull toward the Word of God lately, struggling to recall what I read from the Bible each morning and feeling in general as if I am drifting.  Of course, feelings aren't necessarily a good judge of how one is doing, but I have felt as if the waters of life are swirling around me and all of my energy is spent fighting to survive.  I am clinging to the rock, trusting that it will save me, but as the waters crash against me, there is no time or bandwidth in my mind to meditate on the truths of God.  All I can do is cry out, "Save me Jesus", and believe that He will.

My arms are weary from clinging, and though I know that He will never let me go, I also know that I dare not let my grip slip, as I greatly fear the waters completely surrounding me as my head slips under before His hand reaches out to catch me.  I know that it matters not how strong my grasp, but the trustworthiness of that to which I cling, but yet, I also know that He never promised it would be easy.  So my muscles strain and my knuckles ache under the pressure that pushes me to just give up.

And then I look up at my Savior and hear His voice reminding me that godliness with contentment is great gain.  But how am I to be content in my circumstances?  My sinful heart is quick to compare my lot to those of others and find that mine is lacking.  I am often quick to become discontent with my lot in life, thinking that if somehow my circumstances were better, then I would be quick to rejoice in all things.

But God does not call me to contentment only when everything is going according to my perfect plan.

. . . I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11–13

Contentment in the midst of trials is not something that comes naturally.  It is not easy to cease fighting the current and trust that God will sustain me.  It is nearly impossible to not only stop foolishly flailing but also rest in the strong grip of my Savior.  It is something that must be learned.  And it comes only through Christ, who gives me strength.

According to David Mathis at desiringgod.org,

Jesus is big enough to sustain us when we’re low. He’s strong enough to hold us when we’re at our weakest. We can do all things — not just the things we want most to do, but even (and especially) the things we want least to do — through Jesus who strengthens us.  

So when you’re at your highest, turn to Jesus in gratitude and for the strength to take the next step. And when you’re at your lowest, turn to Jesus in faith that he’ll provide for you the strength to keep going.  

It’s true — in Jesus we really can do all things — especially, be content in him in the midst of life’s most difficult, painful, and tragic circumstances. Leaning always on the Savior is learning the secret for everything.

Jesus, please help me to be content in You no matter what my circumstances, leaning always on my Savior.

Blowing Bubbles

This summer, one of our favorite activities is blowing bubbles on the front lawn.

Sometimes Zach runs around blowing bubbles while Wesley chases them, leaning down to inspect them carefully before popping them.

Other times, Wesley blows the bubbles himself.

Either way, much fun is had by all!