Healing

Healing.

Why does God choose to heal some and not others?  How do I respond in my heart when I hear of someone else who prayed faithfully and watched God heal someone close to them?

Do I begrudge them this gift?

Or do I question my own faith?

Is it because they prayed more earnestly than I have?

Is it because they prayed, believing that God would answer their prayers, whereas there was doubt in my heart?

Is it because God loves them more than He loves me?  Than He loves my son?

The thing is, I believe that God CAN heal Wesley.

And I know that He loves Wesley just as much as He loves those whom He chooses to heal.

But God, in His unfathomable wisdom and love, has determined that He will receive far more glory and we will receive far more blessings if He waits to heal Wesley on that day, rather than today.

If God healed Wesley today, there is no doubt that we would rejoice and praise Him.  But, as Joni Erickson Tada has articulated so beautifully, "I continue to treasure in my heart quietly all those triple-fold blessings - no, not double - much more than that - triple....  He's given me the chance every day when I wake up to lean on Him out of desperate need.  And I know I would not be doing that had I been healed."

Isn't that what God wants?  For us to see our desperate need for Him and to turn to Him every moment of every day?  And if God uses Wesley to remind others of their need for a Savior and to show us all the glories of Jesus, then every moment of suffering in this life is completely worth it.  If God allows our joy in Him despite our circumstances to shine outward that others might see and know the love of God for themselves, then I would chose this path again and again.  And I know Wesley would too.

Wesley's life radiates God's glory.  And what a beautiful day it will be when the God who so deeply loves Wesley that He chose to permit his suffering on earth that He might use him to point many to Himself, personally draws Wesley to Himself and wipes every tear from his eyes. Then there will be no more mourning or pain or suffering.  Or disability.  What a glorious day that will be!

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light and momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Capturing the Blessing

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."  Psalm 127:3

Wesley is a joy and a delight and truly one of God's greatest blessings to our family.  But pictures do not do him justice.  He rarely grants us the privilege of adequately catching a special moment on camera.

So what a joy it was to me to receive this picture from Katie, a dear friend who so beautifully captured our celebration of Wesley's birthday.

This is the Wesley that we know and love - the Wesley whose smile and laughter and enthusiasm have filled our home with joy.

We All Need God

I recently watched this video where Ryan Pittman, a young man with Down Syndrome, shares his testimony of the work that Jesus has done in his life.  As I listened to his words, I was so encouraged to see a man who loves his Savior and has a heart to share the gospel with others.

And Ryan is right.  "God made all of us different.  But he also made us all the same.  We all need God."

His testimony is about two minutes long.

The Lonely Road to Great Gain

A few weeks ago, the lyrics of an old song by Green Day randomly flitted through my mind, and ever since then I have regularly found myself humming the song and reflecting on the words.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

When the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one who walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

I walk alone

It's true.  The road that I walk is lonely.  I rush from school to therapy to school to doctor's appointments to another hurried drive-thru lunch to late naps as usual to rushing around to pick up the house/feed the baby/figure out dinner plans/prepare for the onslaught when nap time is over to helping boys survive until Daddy gets home while one desperately wants the attention that the other one's sensory needs require.

It is a difficult thing to go to events as a family, since Wesley struggles in groups.  So instead of enjoying spending time with friends, one of us always ends up caring for him, alone, and leaving discouraged, wishing we had just stayed home.

I rarely talk to my friends any more, as time is a precious commodity around here.  A few extra moments are hard to find.  And anyway, it seems that our lives reached the T in the road and mine went one way while theirs went the other.  Some days I honestly don't know how it's possible to maintain friendships with those outside of the world of disability.  Mine is a world that I cannot escape, so unless others press to get in and join me for a while, time goes by and relationships fade.

But thank God, I don't walk alone!  Jesus has found me.  He has saved me.  He has redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with steadfast love and mercy.  He promises to never leave me or forsake me.

Sometimes the way God leads us is through the sea and His path for us is through the great waters.  During times like this, His footprints are often unseen. (Psalm 77:19)  But even though I am walking through the difficult waters, seemingly alone with no footprints to follow, this I know to be true:  He is with me.

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:  'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.'"  Isaiah 43:2-4

And though I don't see His footprints to know where He is leading me, I am seeing more and more that He is not leading me to a place but to a person...Himself.

Walking the lonely road gives me the opportunity to count all things as loss to gain Christ.

(S)uffering is nothing more than the taking away of bad things or good things that the world offers for our enjoyment—reputation, esteem among peers, job, money, spouse, sexual life, children, friends, health, strength, sight, hearing, success, etc. When these things are taken away (by force or by circumstance or by choice), we suffer. But if we have followed Paul and the teaching of Jesus and have already counted them as loss for the surpassing value of gaining Christ, then we are prepared to suffer.

If when you become a Christian you write a big red “LOSS” across all the things in the world except Christ, then when Christ calls you to forfeit some of those things, it is not strange or unexpected. The pain and the sorrow may be great. The tears may be many, as they were for Jesus in Gethsemane. But we will be prepared. We will know that the value of Christ surpasses all the things the world can offer and that in losing them we gain more of Christ. 

John Piper, Called to Suffer and Rejoice: That We Might Gain Christ, August 23, 1992.

While the Cat Is Away...

What do we do while the big brothers are away at school?  Why, we play of course!

We pretend I can stand up.

We give each other big smiles.

We work on sitting up.

We have lots and lots of tummy time.

Mommy takes tons of pictures.

Mommy tells me she's blessed to have such special time with me each morning.

Wesley's Announcement

 

Wesley is pleased to announce that, according to random.org, the winner of the book Just the Way I Am:  God's Good Design in Disability is Becky!  He hopes that the Lord uses this book to bless your family just as it has ours.

Becky, please email me your info so I can send it to you.

Book Giveaway!

About a year after Wesley was born, Mike brought home a newly printed and beautiful gift for our family.  The words on the front cover drew me in, and I didn't set the book down until my teary eyes had read every single heart-gripping and soul-lifting word.  As I closed the book, I thanked God for Krista Horning and for the work that He has done in her heart that she could write a book so filled with the truth that has brought her comfort and hope throughout her life.

I have read her book Just the Way I Am:  God's Good Design in Disability countless times since then, and each time I am reminded of God's promises that He loves Wesley, has sovereignly ordained all of his days, has a perfect plan for his life, and has given His own Son to save Wesley that one day Wesley might enjoy him forever in heaven.

I love this book so very much that I would love to share a copy of this book with one of my readers.  To participate in this giveaway, simply leave a comment on this post telling me why you would like a copy.  (Everyone is welcome to participate - not just those with close ties to disability.)  I will select a winner on Tuesday.

Here is an endorsement for the book from John Piper, Krista Horning's pastor:

For the people in this book, the sovereignty and goodness of God have become a sanctuary for the soul in a life they did not expect to live. When they affirm the goodness and wisdom of God in creating them for short-term disability and eternal super-ability, they do not do so without tears. There is no glib trifling with pain. They are learning the paradox of ‘sorrowful yet always rejoicing.’ They are learning how to be brought low and how to abound.

They believe that in this fallen age, God’s loved ones groan along with the whole creation, waiting for the fullness of adoption, the redemption of their bodies. They find more hope in God’s unsearchable wisdom and power and purpose than in the vagaries of natural processes or the assaults of Satan. They believe that God did not spare his own Son but gave him up for their complete renewal – spiritually and physically. This healing is as sure as Jesus is precious – infinitely precious. It is only a matter of time, a vapor’s breath, and they will be whole. Because of the grace of God, these lives and this book exist for the glory of God.

And for those of you who don't win, I highly recommend purchasing a copy of this wonderful book.  You won't be disappointed!