Healing.
Why does God choose to heal some and not others? How do I respond in my heart when I hear of someone else who prayed faithfully and watched God heal someone close to them?
Do I begrudge them this gift?
Or do I question my own faith?
Is it because they prayed more earnestly than I have?
Is it because they prayed, believing that God would answer their prayers, whereas there was doubt in my heart?
Is it because God loves them more than He loves me? Than He loves my son?
The thing is, I believe that God CAN heal Wesley.
And I know that He loves Wesley just as much as He loves those whom He chooses to heal.
But God, in His unfathomable wisdom and love, has determined that He will receive far more glory and we will receive far more blessings if He waits to heal Wesley on that day, rather than today.
If God healed Wesley today, there is no doubt that we would rejoice and praise Him. But, as Joni Erickson Tada has articulated so beautifully, "I continue to treasure in my heart quietly all those triple-fold blessings - no, not double - much more than that - triple.... He's given me the chance every day when I wake up to lean on Him out of desperate need. And I know I would not be doing that had I been healed."
Isn't that what God wants? For us to see our desperate need for Him and to turn to Him every moment of every day? And if God uses Wesley to remind others of their need for a Savior and to show us all the glories of Jesus, then every moment of suffering in this life is completely worth it. If God allows our joy in Him despite our circumstances to shine outward that others might see and know the love of God for themselves, then I would chose this path again and again. And I know Wesley would too.
Wesley's life radiates God's glory. And what a beautiful day it will be when the God who so deeply loves Wesley that He chose to permit his suffering on earth that He might use him to point many to Himself, personally draws Wesley to Himself and wipes every tear from his eyes. Then there will be no more mourning or pain or suffering. Or disability. What a glorious day that will be!
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
3 comments:
This is so beautiful Elisabeth. I know I have been struggling so much since Caleb's spinal cord surgery. He has lost so much function and I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that he has lost the ability to stand or walk. Whether this is permanent or temporary...I don't know. It has been very hard to watch and understand. I so appreciate your words right now. A very timely post.
Love your heart of faith amidst very real and hard questions.
You know we have had this conversation numerous times. A friend of ours swears if she could take that extra chromosome away she would in a heartbeat, us we are content to keep it and savor the absolute wonders that we are all learning in having it!
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