Remembering

About a year ago, when I brought Wesley in to see his GI specialist, I asked on a whim if he knew of a feeding therapist who might be able to help my sweet boy.  At the time, Wesley was only eating baby food, and we were desperate to find someone who could help him. Much to my surprise, Wesley's doctor DID have a therapist that he highly recommended.  He warned me, though, that it was unlikely that I would be able to get in to see her.

I called the clinic where she worked and found out that, as Wesley's doctor had thought, she had no openings.  But, she did still have availability for evaluations.  Since Wesley had just received an annual feeding evaluation with Early Intervention, we went ahead and set everything up for the evaluation to be billed to our private insurance (which, praise the Lord, covered feeding evaluations!)

During Wesley's evaluation, the feeding therapist commented multiple times on his struggles with swallowing and the many issues he had with his tongue movements.  She ruefully stated that it was too bad we hadn't come much sooner, since now it would be necessary to correct many things that could have been taught properly the first time.  As she finished up his evaluation, she told me that with a lot of work she could have him eating everything before he aged out of Early Intervention.  When I asked about her full schedule, she said that it was very important that these things be addressed right away, and that she wanted to personally take him on as a client and help him.

As we left her office, I was struck by two things - both the seriousness of the situation that she would be so quick to make a way to fit Wesley into her schedule and start seeing him immediately, and the fact that God had so wondrously provided for Wesley's needs even when we didn't think it was possible.

Fast forward to a year later, Wesley saw his GI specialist again this month.  Much to my surprise, he remembered our conversation from a year ago and asked about how Wesley was progressing with feeding.  As I recounted our story and thanked him for recommending this therapist, he expressed surprise both that Wesley was able to receive services from her and that his accomplishments with feeding were so significant.  I had to fight back tears as I so clearly saw the hand of God on Wesley's life, providing abundantly for him.  God has blessed Wesley with a wonderful GI specialist, who has not only treated him with great skill and wisdom over the past two and half years, but also took a personal interest in him and sought to help him with his feeding issues.  Then God provided us with a spectacular feeding therapist with a heart to help my struggling boy, whose skills He has used to do a radical work in Wesley.  The fact that Wesley is now able to eat most things and is accepting of new foods is truly a magnificent transformation.

I am so grateful for this reminder of how God is mightily at work in my little guy's life.  God truly does love Wesley and is faithful to provide for all of his needs.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1

It's That Time of Year

It's football season again, and around here that means I hear lots of boys yelling "Go Patriots!"  Even Wesley enjoys watching the games.

The Works of God Displayed

The Sunday after I wrote this post, our pastor Tab Trainor preached an excellent follow-up message on John 9:1-7.  I have wanted to write a post on it since first hearing it but have struggled with how best to articulate my thoughts.  At this point, it seems most appropriate to start by explaining why it was particularly fitting and especially meaningful to me to hear this message preached by Tab.

Tab is a man who truly loves the people of God.  God has given him a heart for each and every person in the flock that he has been called to care for.  In fact, it would take multiple blog posts for me to mention the countless times that Tab has personally reached out to and lovingly cared for Mike and I over the past thirteen years.  He has been intimately acquainted with our struggles over the years and has faithfully walked alongside us through thick and thin.

Due to the growth of our church over the past five years, we had less contact with Tab and his family for a while.  So when Wesley was born, I was not expecting the extent of the care that we received from Tab.  Because of his affection for those in his care, Tab remembers what they are walking through and is faithful to follow-up.  For the past two-and-a-half years, I cannot remember a month where Tab did not find me at least one Sunday and ask how we were doing and how Wesley was doing.  And he never asks it as a perfunctory question.  He wants to know.  He wants to hear the details so that he can know how best to pray for and care for the people that he loves so much.  Many Sundays Tab has also laid hands on Wesley and prayed specifically for requests that we have shared.

While I know that most pastors love and pray for those in their congregations, I truly believe that God has given Tab a gift of grieving with those who grieve, lovingly caring for those who are walking through difficult seasons, encouraging the fainthearted, and helping the weak. Several years after Wesley's birth, while most people have moved on, Tab continues to regularly ask us specific questions about how we are doing and how he and our church can better walk alongside us.  He asks about Wesley's development, struggles, and successes.  But more importantly, he asks about how Zach is responding to the extra time we spend with Wesley.  He asks about how we are doing in our marriage.  He seeks to understand how disability might affect our family in ways that others might not be aware of.  He asks about our walks with the Lord - if we are trusting Him and believing His goodness and faithfulness toward us.  And then he asks how he personally and the church as a whole can better seek to serve our family.  Every time Mike and I interact with Tab, I sense God's pleasure as I see Tab's genuine love for Wesley, one of the least of these, and for the family to whom God has entrusted him.

So in August when Tab started his message by asking "How do I interpret my sufferings and hardships and difficulties?", I heard this question as coming from a man who deeply cares for those in his congregation and longs for each person in his flock to interpret their struggles through the lens of the cross.

Tab went on to say that what Jesus says in John 9:3 also applies to our own suffering.  Along with the blind man, we suffer that the works of God might also be displayed in us.

Tab reminded us that God does not want us enduring trials with a vague sense of condemnation, thinking that God must be displeased with us.  The God of the Bible is not a god of karma who is out to get us.  Our trials have a purpose - they are not meaningless.  For instead of having a god of karma, we have a God who loves us.  Does this mean that we will be healed?  Maybe, but not always.  God's works can also be displayed in sustaining us and transforming us through trials or refining and strengthening our faith.

Seeing this truth helps us to take our focus off of the why questions (Why Lord?  Why me?) and instead helps us to ask the how questions (How Lord do You want to be glorified and praised in this?  How do you want me to display Your work on this stage?  How is Your power made perfect in my weakness?)

But in order to do this, we need a Christ-centered trust.  Since Jesus Himself is well acquainted with suffering and grief, He can relate to all of our sufferings as a result of His own experience. It is trust in the suffering of Christ that can bring great comfort to the suffering saint.  Because God sent His own Son to take the punishment for our sins and suffer in our place, we can now trust that God will work out all of our circumstances for our good and His glory.

"Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast.  You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful."  James 5:11

Joyful Suffering for Jesus

He did not die to make this life easy for us or prosperous. He died to remove every obstacle to our everlasting joy in making much of him. And he calls us to follow him in his sufferings because this life of joyful suffering for Jesus’ sake (Matt. 5:12) shows that he is more valuable than all the earthly rewards that the world lives for (Matt. 13:44; 6:19-20). If you follow Jesus only because he makes life easy now, it will look to the world as though you really love what they love, and Jesus just happens to provide it for you. But if you suffer with Jesus in the pathway of love because he is your supreme treasure, then it will be apparent to the world that your heart is set on a different fortune than theirs. This is why Jesus demands that we deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow him.

John Piper, What Jesus Demands from the World, p. 71

All By Myself!

Today is a record breaking day at our house.  Wesley ate his breakfast and lunch ALL BY HIMSELF!!!  For breakfast he gobbled up Golden Grahams and half of a sliced banana.  (I say gobbled.  Actually, he painstakingly picked up each piece of food individually and took his sweet time finishing his breakfast.  I think it probably took him 45 minutes to eat.  Gobbled is only accurate in that he was attentive to his food and actively seeking to get it into his mouth the entire time.)  He even surprised me by doing his very best to use his pincer grasp when eating his banana.  Of course at times he had to fall back to the fist grab to get those slimy pieces into his mouth, but overall he did a fantastic job.

Then I decided to test his new found independence by giving him a lunch he could also feed himself - just to see if he would do it.  Sure enough, he happily fed himself a cut up hot dog, grapes, and pretzels.

I am aware that we still have a long way to go before we get a handle on using our utensils properly, but this is a HUGE step for Wesley.  Wesley has been an over-stuffer from the very beginning, and it is only in the past month that we have been able safely give him a bowl of crackers or pretzels without fearing that he would choke himself.  As well as over-stuffing when it comes to crackers, Wesley has also been uninterested in self-feeding anything else.  So for now, if Wesley wants to eat his meals one bite at a time using his fingers, I will happily oblige.

I must also state that this is a big answer to prayer.  I have been praying since we found out we were expecting another baby that Wesley would be willing and able to self-feed by the time the baby was born.  It seemed an overwhelming task to prepare meals for everyone and care for and nurse the baby while also feeding Wesley every single bite of every single meal.

Join me in thanking the Lord for doing a work in Wesley's body and mind, both enabling him to self-feed and giving him the desire to do so!  He has reminded me again today that He does hear each and every one of my prayers, and He answers them in His perfect timing.

The Perfect Snack

It looks like we've found the perfect snack.

Not only does Wesley love Goldfish, but he actually enjoys practicing his pincer grasp as he reaches into the bag and pulls out the fishies one at a time.

I am very impressed with his lack of greed.  He never comes out with a handful, preferring instead to concentrate carefully on getting just one.

Of course, this doesn't mean that he couldn't polish off an entire bag in one sitting.  In fact, given the opportunity, he'd be delighted!

Displaying God's Grace

As I mentioned in my last post, Wesley has become quite demanding in the past few weeks. In addition to his demands, he has increasingly expressed his frustration with being re-directed or told "no" by hitting us in the face, pulling our hair, or throwing his glasses.

Last Friday I reached the bottom of my rope.  During a difficult experience in a store that afternoon, Wesley expressed his displeasure with being held by repeatedly hitting me in the face and pulling my hair out of its hairband.  When we left, I set Wesley down to hold my hand as we walked to the car.  I was aware that he was not happy with the situation by the way that he was throwing himself around as we walked.  But with the distractions of watching for cars and talking with Zach, I was not cognizant of how he chose to express his anger until we reached the car.  As I lifted him into his carseat, I immediately took note of what was missing - his glasses!  Grumbling filled my heart as I pulled Wesley back out of his carseat and grabbed Zach's hand so we could make our way back across the parking lot in search of the missing accessory.  At the other end of the lot, dollar signs immediately crossed my mind as I saw his frames bent in multiple directions and one of his lenses awkwardly sitting nearby.

At this moment, I was amazed at how quickly anger at my child could rise up in my heart.  In truth, it had been rising since he was ripping my hair out minutes before, but at this second, my anger toward Wesley boiled over.  I am ashamed to say that as I collected the pieces, I yelled at my precious son, harshly reminding him to NEVER throw his glasses. The look of shock and fear in his eyes will haunt me forever.  Then I marched the boys back to the car and stormily buckled Wesley back into his seat.

As I closed my door and started the car, the Lord began to nudge my heart.  He reminded me of the countless times that I have sinned against Him, and how it is only because of His grace that I have not been utterly destroyed by the wrath of God that I fully and completely deserve. Because of Jesus, all I have known is grace.  And because of Jesus, I ought to bestow upon my son the same grace that has been shown to me.  Instead of responding to my son's disobedience and anger by yelling at him, I have the opportunity to show my son a picture of who God is through Jesus by responding to him in a way that he does not deserve.  By showing him grace, I am reflecting my Savior and the grace given to me at the cross where Jesus atoned for each and every one of my sins.

Yes, Wesley disobeyed me when he threw his glasses, and yes, he needs a mom who will faithfully train and discipline him in the way of righteousness.  But I pray that God will also help me to be a mom who responds graciously to his sin and displays for him the grace of God as shown at the cross of Jesus.  May he see Jesus when he looks at me, and may God use that in his heart to lead him to repentance.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24