And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.... He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ... For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I clung to the promise that God would work Wesley's diagnosis and subsequent struggles in life for good in my life, in Mike's life, in our marriage, in our family, and in Wesley's life too if he trusted in Jesus as his Savior. Through these verses, along with others, God opened my eyes to an eternal perspective as I saw that God was using the trials I was walking through and would continue to walk through to conform me to the image of Jesus. While I selfishly wished for life to be easy on this earth, I began to see that God was using these circumstances for my eternal good, which was far greater than any momentary affliction.
As I looked at the possible pain and struggles in our future, God graciously drew my heart to Him, reminding me that I could trust Him and trust that He was working all things for my good because of the gospel. Since God had already provided for my greatest need by sending His Son to die on a cross and pay the price for my sins, how could I not trust Him to graciously give me everything that I needed to raise Wesley and care for him? How could I not trust Him to graciously give Wesley everything that he needed in this life? Then God confronted my fears by reminding me that nothing - nothing present and nothing in the future - would ever be able to separate me from the love of God in Jesus Christ my Lord. If this promise was true, then I truly had nothing to fear!
Two years later, I still fear the future sometimes, and I still mourn the life that Wesley will never live here on this earth. Some of my fears have come true. Therapy is hard work. Wesley is falling farther and farther behind his peers. Zach has had a difficult time adjusting. Mike and I have had to work extra hard to build our marriage as we walk through this together. Life is hard. But there are so many joys too! While Wesley's diagnosis is a trial, Wesley's life is a complete delight and joy. There is more laughter in our home now than there ever was before Wesley was born. We have the opportunity to look at life through the eyes of a little boy who is radiant. Every moment of every day is exciting for him as he discovers new things and enjoys life to the fullest. And oh how we love him! I can't imagine what my life would be like without my sweet Wesley.
God has blessed us abundantly in giving Wesley to us as a precious gift. While the rest of the world might not think so, we have come to see that God made no mistakes when He created our sweet Wesley. Wesley is not living out God's second best plan for his life. God created him perfectly according to His perfect plan for Wesley's life and for ours. The lines truly have fallen for us in pleasant places.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.... I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:5-6, 8-11