I always knew this day would come. But yet, as I faced this situation for the first time, I was not prepared.
It was never supposed to be this way.
I blinked back tears as I read the invitation to a birthday party for big boys, quickly realizing that only one of my big boys was invited.
In that moment, the dagger of disability again pierced my heart.
If not for his disability, my son and this boy would be friends. They would run around together, playing and fighting and talking and getting into trouble as big boys do. It was my son's disability, not his age, that disqualified him from being a big boy.
No one meant to be hurtful. It is true; Wesley is not friends with this boy. He probably has never even noticed him. And he certainly had no idea that he was missing out on a birthday party. In fact, if he had gone, he would have played by himself rather than joining in on the big boy fun.
But I knew. And my heart was crushed at the unexpected and painful reminder that this is not how it was supposed to be.
As we entered the Christmas season, I often thought, "this is why Jesus came". He came to offer us a hope beyond the suffering we experience in this world. "He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. As one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:3
Jesus knows what it is to be rejected. He experienced this sorrow firsthand when even His closest of friends walked away from Him in his darkest moments, as He was overwhelmed to the point of death. While this does not take away the sting of my own grief, knowing that Jesus understands my bleeding heart brings comfort to my soul. And because He understands, He is a safe person for me to draw near to when life is hard.
"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But he was was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:4-5
3 comments:
This fills my eyes with tears. The exact circumstances are different, but I feel it, too--the overwhelming grief of knowing that our children are not part of the group like the rest of their peers. You're right--this isn't how it was supposed to be. It hurts.
HUGS, IVE BEEN THERE! XXX
I understand! My older boys are invited to play with their cousin and Cal is not. Not because they do not like him or anything, but because his play is not at the typical level. People often forget Calvin is 2.5
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