The Challenges of Writing Publicly

My Dearest Zach,

Your Daddy recently informed me that I do not write about you often enough on my blog.   He's right; I'm guilty as charged.  Writing publicly is a difficult thing, and I want to compose thoughts that are both honoring to the Lord and also edifying to those who read them.  As well, to be honest, it is easier to write about the struggles and joys of raising a child with special needs.  I can write about our times of stumbling and our moments of excitement in such a way as to give people a glimpse of what life is like with a family member with special needs, encourage others who walk a similar road to us, and remember where we are now.

On the other hand, when I write about you, I know that one day you will probably read every word.  Therefore, I am particularly thoughtful of what I write about you, for I don't want to say things you will one day wish had been left unsaid.  I don't want to plaster your sins out on the internet for all to see.   As well, I have no desire to brag about your accomplishments.  This is not because I am not proud of you, for I am!  I could never even begin to express to you how very proud I am of you and how much I love you.  Words are not enough to tell you how much you mean to me and how very thankful I am that God blessed our family by giving you to us.

Over the past three years, I have learned even more how painful it is to watch others brag about their children and how much this can tempt us to compare our own children to others. I do not ever want to compare you to other children, and I do not want others to compare their children to you.  Either I will find you to be advanced or better behaved or more godly and pride myself in having a superior child, or I will find you to be lacking and be disappointed.  But God has created you exactly the way He wants you to be. He has given you your mind and your personality.  He didn't make you to be someone else, and I don't ever want you to be someone else.  As well, I don't ever want any other parent to wish their child was like you.  You are unique created by God, and with that come the singular blessings and challenges of being you.

But most of all, I do not want you to ever take pride in your accomplishments, for all that you have is given to you from the Lord.  My greatest prayer for you is that you will love the Lord with all of your heart and walk humbly with your God.

Please forgive me for my lack of writing about you as I struggle in my heart with how to record these first years of your life.  Know that you are my precious and very loved firstborn son and that the lack of words about you on this blog are no indication otherwise.

That being said, I have taken your father's concerns to heart, and this next post will be all about you.

I love you, my precious son!

Love,
Mom

Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth.  For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”  Jeremiah 9:23-24

For who sees anything different in you?  What do you have that you did not receive?  If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?  1 Corinthians 4:7